HELP, I have a 9 and a half year old boy! Runs away and threatens himself and others

[Boymumma3]

I have a 9 and a half year old boy! He is from a split home where his dad and I get along fine, we have both moved on and have new partners and other children also! He currently sees the local mental health team for his age group and been seeing a clinical psychologist also but we don’t feel like we are getting the help he is needing or we are needing either! He snaps at the smallest of things and becomes extremely aggressive and threatens to kill himself or others mainly his step parents and step brother! I have been left with my partner taking 1 of our children with him for a week away so that I am able to have my 9 year old due to safety concerns after he grabbed a knife and threatened with it resulting in police being called! Due to behaviour like this he has also had the school put in lock down! We are at a loss and I feel like I am failing everywhere currently as a parent! I need more help then we are getting! Where do I turn??

[Philippa-RO]

Hi @Boymumma3 and welcome to the forums! We're so glad you're here.

I'm really sorry to hear about the struggles you've had with your son - that sounds so hard for all of you.

Can I ask if he has always had these types of challenges, or if there was something (for example a trauma) that contributed?

It must be so frustrating to feel like you're not getting the support you need. 

I really feel for you - you must be exhausted.

We can share some possible services or resources that might be helpful, but you know your situation best so first of all I wanted to ask you - is there anything in particular that you think would help right now?

[Boymumma3]

Hi there sorry I haven’t gotten back to you until now! He has only had some of the issues he has always had anxiety issues and gets overwhelmed easily however the anger where he is doing these things have only started since feb/March this year and that’s the 1 thing that the Drs etc won’t listen to me about. He has been put on meds but they don’t really do a thing apart from make him sleep! I have asked for a med change but the Drs won’t do that either. Dr won’t go past a provisional diagnosis of anything until he has seen an OT and a speechy and we are still waiting for a OT to be in contact with us! We don’t know what to do or where to turn honestly! Any suggestions?

[Philippa-RO]

@Boymumma3 that all sounds so stressful and tiring - I really feel for you.

If you ever feel like you just really need someone to talk to, Parentline is available to offer phone or webchat counselling - it can be a helpful link to keep handy when times are tough. 

It can be so difficult to get appointments with services such as OTs and speech therapists. Have you had a particular OT recommended? If not, would it be an option to phone around a few and see if any can see your son sooner? If you want to try this option, Oneplace is a directory where you can search for services in case it's helpful. 

Another option is Family and Child Connect - they are able to offer advice and support, and to help with direct referrals to services as well. It's possible to see them in person or contact them by phone or online. Alternatively, Act for Kids may be able to offer advice on where to access support.

One last thing that I personally found helpful with my child who had behavioural issues is therapeutic parenting - it's not necessarily for everyone, but here's some general information about it in case it's of interest. 

I really hope something above is helpful. 

Do you have support for yourself, or things you can do to nurture yourself?
You need space to take care of you as well, in order to be able to take care of your family.