School refusal & messy divorce

[Shaberlu]

My 14yo boy has been refusing to go to school with massive aggressive outbursts. His father doesn’t make him go, so often the outbursts result in him going back to his dad’s. Everything I read about getting help for him requires a supportive environment- but he has that less than 50% of the time. He says he doesn’t learn anything at school & no friends. Just sits around the house all day doing nothing. I don’t know what I can do to support him find his way, when everything I do gets undone when he goes back to his dads. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated x

[Zig_RO]

Hi Shaberlu,

I want to start by thanking you for your post and welcome you to the online community forums It's amazing that you've been able to find this safe place i want you to know that the whole community is here to support you. 

From what I have read I can see that you care so deeply for your son, it's beautiful to see and I want you to be so proud of yourself for not only caring so deeply but for also putting in the steps towards your family's well-being. 

I'm wondering if you've been able to communicate with both your son and his father and how that communication has gone. 

I'm also wondering if you've been able to communicate with your son's school to see if they have any support to help him feel more comfortable within a school environment. 

I'm wondering if you feel comfortable sharing a bit more about what your son's aggressive outbursts may look like.  

I want to provide you with a link to a couple of pages ReachOut has on both Family Relationships and Teenagers and School Refusal and Teenagers. 

While your child's well-being is very important, your own well-being is the most important thing and I'm wondering if you have anything you like to do when you feel overwhelmed or unsure that helps you feel better. 

I'm wondering what support might look like for you too this could be friends, family, or even professionals such as a GP or counsellor and if your son has any other support too. 

I want you to be very proud of yourself for how far you've come and for the care you've shown your son. I also want you to know that it's ok to feel lost and like the world is on your shoulders right now, you are only human and so is your son and these things can take time  

I hope to hear from you soon.