almost 15 and pregnant

[Lubrajane]

My 14 almost 15 year old daughter is pregnant, i need some advice on where i stand she’s being pressured into having an abortion by certain members of her boyfriends family,
i’ve told my daughter i support her on whatever decision she makes
my daughter said she wants to have the baby because she couldn’t bring herself to terminate the baby…
i’ve been told that here in NSW they don’t allow 15 year olds the family pension or any sort of financial assistance for her and baby..
i’ve also been told my daughter and her boyfriend can be charged for sexual offences and put on the sexual offenders list for the rest of their lives even though they’re both of the same age and it was Consensual between both my daughter and her boyfriend… i’m absolutely lost on where she stands and where i stand as a mother.
i do know that a report will be made to family services because she’s so young and i know the department of community services will want some involvement for at least the first 30 days to make sure she has enough family support and to make sure baby’s well looked after, attends doctors appointments and has everything baby needs.
please can someone help me i’m completely lost on what we should do
she’s going for her first doctors appointment this week

[Philippa-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @Lubrajane and welcome to the ReachOut community 

It must be a really big thing to take in the news that your daughter is pregnant - how are you and your daughter feeling about it?

It sounds like you're there for your daughter and supportive of whatever decision she makes, which I'm guessing must mean a lot to her. 

Can I ask how her boyfriend's family are going about pressuring her? Is there some way your daughter could get space from them for a while until she feels confident in what she wants?

In order to find out more information about whether your daughter can access Centrelink payments, it would be best to speak with the Centrelink families line on 136 150, or for more support and information, you could ask to speak to a Centrelink social worker if you feel that would be helpful.

I understand your concerns re: your daughter's young age and potential legal issues - this article on the Women's Legal Service website may be helpful. 

Re: further supports for your daughter, it is possible she may be linked in with child protection, however if this does occur, it would most likely be with the goal of providing supports. There are many family support services that child protection can link parents with, and they may be able to assist with other supports such as childcare.

There are also services such as young parents programs - here, here and here - that might be able to offer further support or link your daughter in with referrals to other services if they aren't able to help.

Do you have much support for yourself through this time as well?

Parentline or our one-to-one parent coaching service may be helpful options if you would like to talk things through more, or we are always available on the forums too.

[Philippa-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @Lubrajane and welcome to the ReachOut community 

It must be a really big thing to take in the news that your daughter is pregnant - how are you and your daughter feeling about it?

It sounds like you're there for your daughter and supportive of whatever decision she makes, which I'm guessing must mean a lot to her. 

Can I ask how her boyfriend's family are going about pressuring her? Is there some way your daughter could get space from them for a while until she feels confident in what she wants?

In order to find out more information about whether your daughter can access Centrelink payments, it would be best to speak with the Centrelink families line on 136 150, or for more support and information, you could ask to speak to a Centrelink social worker if you feel that would be helpful.

I understand your concerns re: your daughter's young age and potential legal issues - this article on the Women's Legal Service website may be helpful. 

Re: further supports for your daughter, it is possible she may be linked in with child protection, however if this does occur, it would most likely be with the goal of providing supports. There are many family support services that child protection can link parents with, and they may be able to assist with other supports such as childcare.

There are also services such as young parents programs - here, here and here - that might be able to offer further support or link your daughter in with referrals to other services if they aren't able to help.

Do you have much support for yourself through this time as well?

Parentline or our one-to-one parent coaching service may be helpful options if you would like to talk things through more, or we are always available on the forums too.

[Lubrajane]

Thank you so much for your help and responding to my post, it is very hard as a mother knowing she’s so very young and still has a whole life ahead of her,
my daughter has plenty of contact with her boyfriends family, but some outside family members have said they need to get an abortion,


My daughter’s boyfriends mother and step father are very supportive but the mum is being pressured and the blame game has been thrown at her.. No one is to blame they made a mistake and they’ve now realised the impact that mistake can have on everyone’s lives especially their own lives…

i find it hard because no mother dreams or even imagine their child carrying a baby,
i have been open with both my daughter and her boyfriend and i’ve told them as a mother i’ll support them no matter what their decision may be.
it’s their decision no one else’s
thank you again i’ll definitely look into whether or not she’s Eligible for centrelink payments
and i’ll definitely look into an aboriginal social worker,
i have plenty of support my mum is a big support and so are my family and friends i also have heaps of support through our aboriginal medical services program centre up here where i live
thank you again

[Courtney-RO]

Hey @Lubrajane thank you for keeping us updated with everything that's been going on.

We can only imagine how hard this situation must be for all of you, though we're glad to hear that you have support behind you. I'm sorry to hear that the blame game has been thrown at her, I can only imagine how awful that must feel, especially as her mother. I am just wondering what kind of supports your daughter has at the moment? Is she seeing a health professional to help her through such a difficult and stressful time?

We would love for you to keep us updated with centrelink and hope that they are able to offer you some additional support too. 

Please remember that you're not alone and we're all here for you.

[PaulSSmith]

This is a challenging time for your daughter and positive you will support her throughout this journey.
The decision to have the baby will ultimately be your daughter's and she will need to consider her options carefully. At least she is fortunate to have you by her side.
The boyfriend's family are pressuring your daughter to terminate the pregnancy.
It appears that some of his family are concerned about how this will effect the boyfriend.
Understandable. Abortion is an option - and a suggestion that appears to be straight-forward.
Teenage girl walks into health clinic.....Takes a pill.....Job done......

However.....
Has the young man's well meaning family considered the trauma this young girl may experience?
Have they considered the deep, life-long regret your daughter could experience?
Being a teenager is hard enough. Let alone being a prospective young mum who is facing pressure to undergo a very emotional, medical procedure.
The boyfriend's family may have sincere intentions and are only trying to protect him from possible legal consequences.
Yet it's important for them to respect the needs of your daughter.
Hopefully. The boyfriend will want to stay on and be part of Baby's upbringing - in which case it would be sensible for his relatives to curtail their views.
After all. The decision will rest on your daughter's young shoulders.
Whatever the outcome, new experiences can be drawn from this event and be a positive new beginning.
The legal issue of being placed on the 'sex offenders register' is a matter of law.
However. As with any legal matter, there are ways in which special circumstances can be considered.
It's unfair that a consenting, loving young couple should be penalised.

This will create problems for both young people when considering their career options and pursuing further education, training or employment.
Then there is Baby to consider.
Due to their very young age - as you have written - the parents will have contact with the family/social/community services in order to monitor both the welfare of Mum, Dad and Baby.
There can be mixed emotions about the welfare organisations getting involved because families may feel intruded upon and judged.
However. This can provide an opportunity to address your concerns regarding financial help, health care and legal matters.
It will certainly be worth making enquiries about financial support due to the circumstances. Discuss with the social/welfare team when they visit.
Health clinics, advice centres and groups for young parents are likely to be available in your area.
It can't be in the young family's interest for the parents to be placed on the sex offenders register.
This is an area where some legal advice is needed and from someone who understands about the needs of very young parents.
The family welfare services should have experience with these matters and be able to provide appropriate advice.
With regard to where you stand as a mother, your daughter is lucky to have you by her side.
It seems your daughter wants to keep the baby - which means focusing on her and Baby's future.
The opinions of the boyfriend's family are their own but could have a negative effect on the young man's willingness to embrace fatherhood.
We assume a man is excited and proud at the prospect of becoming a father for the first time.
Sadly. Mixed emotions can cause a prospective father to choose not to be part of a child's upbringing.
On the other hand - whatever life throws at them - young parents successfully raise their families.
From what you have written, it appears that your daughter and her partner are willing to stay together and raise their family.
Hopefully, the negative comments coming from his family will subside.
With your support, the young parents and Baby will be a new beginning for you all.