Over it all

[Ajsmumma]

I am truly hating this teen stage of being a parent.  My 16 1/2yr old daughter has had a very difficult 4yrs with bullying and mental health issues as a result.  I have been there as a sole parent throughout it all supporting her, being on suicide watch, caring for her, driving 3hrs to a therapist, you name it I've been there.

You would think this was my issue (well it was for a long time and still is on my mind but thankfully through those dark days I hope).  My issue is she is so sneaky, dishonest, lies to my face - I have found a vape in her room and she still denies she is vaping, is nasty, disrespectful and as a result I feel so disconnected from her. 

I get a lot of these behaviours are expected teen stuff, but how do I cope with the paranoid, catastrophising thoughts I have and more than anything the hurt and rejection I feel pretty much daily?  Yes, I do have counselling but it just doesn't seem to help. Yes I am trying to focus on my self-care but it is really hard when you go somewhere, come home feeling great and then wham, Ms Jekyll is waiting for me at home to remind me that feeling happy and hopeful does not feature in my life and I come crashing down to reality.

I've heard so many times she'll grow up.  She'll realise one day what she did and say sorry.  Ra ra ra.  Does not help.

I am exhausted.  I feel shattered and doubt everything I do/say now as a mum.  

[Hannah_RO]

Hi @Ajsmumma thank you for reaching out and sharing your situation with us

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing with your daughter at the moment. It sounds like you have been through a lot together, supporting her through her mental health issues and experiences with bullying. It's understandable that you feel exhausted and worn down by the challenges you've been facing.

I can imagine how tough it must be for you as a parent to deal with the behaviours your daughter has been displaying recently. Such challenges can put a strain on the parent-child relationship. It's completely understandable that you’re feeling hurt, rejected, and disconnected, especially when you've been there for her through so much. Parenting is a really tough job, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed and unsure at times.

I am sorry to hear that counselling hasn’t been much help to you during this time. Besides your counsellor, do you have anyone supporting you at the moment? Such as a friend or family member? 

I wanted to share some articles that might be helpful to you. We have one on how to talk to your teen about vaping and another on effective communication with teens. We also have a free one-on-one parent coaching service that you can access here if you’re interested.   

Remember to be patient with yourself. Parenting is a continuous learning process, and no one has all the answers. You're doing the best you can, and your efforts as a caring parent are invaluable. Focus on taking care of yourself and finding moments of respite, even if they're brief. Celebrate the small victories and the times when you do feel hopeful or happy, even if they seem fleeting.