12 year old grandson says he's gay

[Kimbah]

My 12 yr old grandson that I have a very close bond with, has been depressed having anxiety attacks and withdrawn. He's been treated with antidepressants which have helped his mood and has been less anxious. I think he is in a better state of mind and recently told his mum that he's gay. He's been battling with self conflict about his feelings towards boys and with the support of a 15 year old boy who identifies as being gay whom he had been chatting online to, he seems to be a lot happier. I didn't feel comfortable about my grandson talking to an older boy online but at the same token I'm supportive of his sexuality and it seems that the 15 year old has been emotionally supportive as this boy's parents don't know he's gay due to them not accepting gay people, the 15 year sees a counsellor talking about his problems which he discussed with my grandson's mother on FaceTime. The issues my grandson is now facing at the moment is his father who is clearly homophobic after saying to him why are you enquiring about 'gay **bleep**' and some of his friends opinions at school. I want to know how I can help support him through this without feeling like he's ashamed? He says his father who doesn't live with him will be disappointed. My brother is gay but didn't reveal this until he was 29. I was his only support at the time as there was nothing to support anyone back then. I don't want my grandson to feel as though he's a disappointment or ashamed. Do you think if I reach out to his school they could help support him? Or that could betray his trust in me? Any positive advice would be appreciated!

[Marimo-RO]

Hi @Kimbah,

Thank you for your courage in sharing what's been going on for you. I can see that things have been really taxing for you and your grandson. I understand that supporting someone you love through what can be a very complex situation can be stressful. It's clear that you're doing your best in seeking support for your grandson having had firsthand experience in supporting your brother with his own sexuality.

I see that your grandson is currently concerned by his friends' opinions. I'm wondering if anything has happened at school for your grandson? I'm also hearing that you're looking into contacting your grandson's school to see if they can support him. Have you had a chance to discuss this option with your grandson?

You've also mentioned that your grandson is currently on antidepressants and that his online friend has discussed counselling with your grandson's mother on Facetime, has your grandson had a chance to talk to a psychologist or a counsellor about what's been happening for him?

I understand that it's not always clear where we can find support around sexuality, I've found some resources that may be helpful to you and your grandson. QLife can offer free and anonymous peer support over the phone or via webchat. They also provide further information about the LGBTIQ+ spectrum. Kids Helpline is another great service that can provide free and anonymous support from counsellors over the phone or webchat.We also have articles on supporting teens with their sexuality and coming out at school.

Further, supporting someone you love can be challenging, I'm wondering if you have any supports or self-care activities for yourself at the moment?

I hope you find the support your seeking here.

Looking forward to your reply.

[Kimbah]

Thanks for your lovely response. I'll take all of this information and have a discussion with my grandson and hopefully support him with making some decisions to move forward.

[Marimo-RO]

No worries at all @Kimbah! Wishing you the very best with everything moving forward!