14yo son has said he might be transgender - advice please

[Thisisnew]

My 14yo son has said he thinks he might be trans. This is a big shock to us, his parents, as there has been nothing in his past behaviour, or thoughts he has expressed that give any clue to this. He has siblings (23 yo sister recently returned home, 26yo brother living not far away) he is very much like an only child.

Now, we are very much at the stage of not being convinced it is real.

- this is sudden

- spent most last year with a girlfriend (but not able to do much with Covid)

- recently passionately argued the men's rights guff that he spent time exposed to on gamer forums

-changed friendships groups at school at the end of last year, one of whom is a trans girl outside of school (but not at school

- has been seeing a psych through last year dealing with anxiety and other issues ostensibly related to some bullying in grade 7. 

So...we're aware of the much reported social contagion effect and, knowing he spends a lot of time online (more than we want) we really want to sure of things before he goes down this path.

I do want to be clear that if we are convinced that this is genuine then of course we will be supportive

[Hannah-RO]

Hi @Thisisnew 

Thanks for coming to our forums and posting about what is going on for your family. I can imagine this could be quite a confusing time for both you and your child and it's great you're looking to get some support.

Gender identity is something we chat about quite a bit on the forums, its lovely to hear that you want to be supportive of your child 

Gender can be fluid and exploratory for a lot of people of all ages and it's up to the individual to label (or not label!) their gender identity however they choose to, it is also not inextricably linked with sexuality.

I understand this has come as a shock to you and your partner, sometimes these things can seem like they've come out of nowhere but that doesn't mean someones feelings around their identity are untrue or invalid.

Have you and your partner been able to have some conversations around this? It can be really helpful when all members of the family are onboard with ensuring the child knows they are loved and supported.

A great starting point could be to open the conversation with your child by saying, "I love you and I want to support you, what can we do as a family to make you feel loved and supported?" This might be things like using their preferred pronoun or talking through with them if they want to disclose this at school (here is a great content piece on that). 

We also have a lovely story from a parent who speaks about their journey with their child who is trans which might be worth having a read of here.

Hope this is helpful, let us know how things are going