Hey @Marshmallow  Thanks for getting back to us, I'm really glad to hear that you have some activities you enjoy to take time out for yourself. It would be very confusing to know what to do next given the outcome of the assessment, but I want to assure you that seeing a psychologist is incredibly normal and people see them for a variety of reasons. I hope you don't feel like you don't deserve the support, because truly everyone does  I also understand you are feeling really at a loss and wondering what you will do if the things you try do not seem to work, are there other options you are thinking about for support at the moment?   ... View more

A Note for Parents in New South Wales   This is a link to the latest update (from 7th July 2021) on the Department of Education NSW website for any parents looking for some more information.  The most recent statement says -  "Following updated health advice and ongoing cases of community transmission, the current lockdown will be extended for another week until 11:59pm on Friday, 16 July"   While many of us who live in Sydney will be at home next week, the Department of Education NSW also states: "Schools will remain open for students who need them and no child will be turned away from school."   As the situation continues to evolve, we encourage parents and carers to visit the health department website in their state, for the most up to date information on current restrictions in your location   NSW Health Victoria Health COVID information  QLD Health COVID Information ACT Covid Info SA Covid Info  NT COVID info Tasmania COVID Information  WA COVID information            ... View more

Hey @Collyflower89 (love this username!)   Thank you so much for this post, I think it is really wonderful how deeply you care about your child and want to get some more information to be able to best support her.  It is so lovely that your child has shared their sexuality and gender identity with you, its such a testament to the relationship of trust and love that you two clearly have together. And it is such an honour to be invited into that with a young person.  I understand you have some questions around her age and knowing her identity. Gender identity and sexuality can certainly be things that are sometimes fluid throughout a persons life, but it is really important that when someone tells us about their identity that we validate that and support it by believing them. Other ways to support your child could be to ask about their preferred pronouns and support how they express their gender through what they wear - its awesome that your child wants to wear a suit and explore how they express themself. Is this something you would feel comfortable supporting them with? I also do want to mention that I have a number of people in my life who identify as non-binary and have known this from a very young age. We have some awesome content about supporting gender diverse young people which I will link here, i hope you find it helpful.   I would also love to share that at ReachOut we have a lot of staff who identify as LGBTQIA+ and we had a lovely discussion over on our youth forum  a few months ago that I think a lot of parents would benefit from reading about. I will link it here so you can have a look and learn about how what they have overcome and advice they would give to their younger selves. ... View more

Hi @Momofallgirls    Welcome to the forum, I hope you feel really supported and welcomed here    It sounds like this has all come as quite a shock to you and it is understandable why you would be feeling upset.  Have you been thinking about bringing this up with your daughters, boyfriends mother? I understand this would be really difficult to do, is it a conversation you've been thinking of having? It sounds like you two have had quite a nice relationship and its been quite a surprise that she has decided to keep this from you. It could be an idea to chat to her so you can both be on the same page and you can share how you are feeling. I am wondering as well about how things are going now between you and your daughter? Have you two been able to have a conversation about everything that has been happening? This would be a lot to be managing and I hope you're doing alright  ... View more

Hey @kaiso  Thanks for sharing your experiences here. It must have been disappointing for you when your daughter stopped attending her DBT sessions, is this something you think might be worth revisiting in the future?   Winter months making things flare up must be very tough for all of you. Have there been other supports you have found helpful during these times? I really love what you said about refilling the tank. I think that is so incredibly important and such great advice to give to other parents that is crucial to find time to recharge to be able to tackle every day. What do you like to do to recharge? I really appreciate how open you have been in this post, please let us know if there is anyway we can support you  ... View more

Hey @sailonbluesea    This must have been really upsetting for you last night, I'm sorry this happened and I really appreciate you sharing.  It is really tricky when the children are not yours and you don't want to step on the toes of the parents around discipline for the children. I do think though it isn't unreasonable for you to say to your grandson that you don't want to be treated the way he was treating you and put your own boundaries in around this. I think it is great that you are adamant about not being disrespected by him. Do you think there could be a way to have that conversation with him?  It must be very upsetting and stressful knowing how your daughter is feeling about her marriage. It sounds like it is a very distressing time for all of you and that you are doing your best to be supportive  Have you been able to check in with her since last night? It seems things are very full on for her at the moment, maybe it could be nice to do something together just the two of you? Like go for a coffee or a walk - I'm not sure if these are things you do, but how would you feel about spending a bit of time together to check in on how she is going and let her know you're thinking of her?  I hope some of this is helpful! Let us know how things are going  ... View more

Hey @Piper  Thank you so much for giving us this update. It is so special to be able to learn about the journey you and your family have been on and your message of hope shines through so strongly here    You said that you have over time become more resilient, is there anything you think has really helped you develop these skills? Do you have any advice on how parents can feel more resilient?   I really loved how you used macrame to bond with your daughter, doing an activity together that you can talk about is such a lovely idea that allows for a bit of space in conversation and creating a nice, calm environment.   Also this resonated with me so much, " I feel that staying strong as a family and providing a stable home where they can feel secure to be themselves (no matter how horrible it can be for the rest of us at times!) is probably the best advice I can give that helped get us through." I think this is so true and fundamental in meeting young peoples needs and is a great message of love and hope Thanks again so much @Piper ! ... View more

Hi @Overwhelmedmum    I am so deeply sorry to read your post.    What is very clear is that you are a loving mum who only wants the best for your daughter. I can just imagine how shocking and scary this must be for you.    Something you mentioned was that before all of this, you and your daughter shared a very close relationship. I feel that the bond you have with her will stand the test of time but that doesn't make the present any easier for you.    I'm glad to hear you have a counsellor to get you through each day. Do you have close family/friends supporting you at the moment? ... View more

Hey @KristyK    So sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your daughter, I understand you're feeling really alone and I hope you feel very welcome and supported here It was very proactive of you to try and get your daughter into therapy, do you think she might be interested in accessing support for herself autonomously online? Services like eheadspace or kidshelpline offer phone and webchat based counselling if she wanted to get some support, she is also welcome to join our youth forum if you think she might benefit from chatting to some like-minded young people.    What you said about how even though you work in community services, it feels different with your own child really resonated with me. I have certainly found it challenging to support my loved ones through things - even though its my job!  Sticking to your values is so important, good on you for being assertive with your values. Its very clear how deeply you care about your daughter and that while you don't agree with some of her decisions, you love her so much and want the best for her.  Could it maybe be an idea to have a chat to her school? Sometimes wellbeing staff are able to provide some extra support or referrals which can be helpful. Is this something you might be interested in trying? I hope this is helpful, let us know how you're going  ... View more

Hi @scaredandlost  Thank you for sharing with us what you and your daughter are going through, it's hard to imagine how stressful and frustrating this situation must be for you both.  If you would like to make a complaint about this principal of the school, this is a link to the Department of Education website complaints page for parents, carers and students. Would that be something you would like to do? I'm also wondering if maybe there is a school counsellor that your daughter could speak to? They can be really helpful in supporting students and understanding what bullying can be like at schools. This must be very upsetting for your daughter, has she been able to get any other support? I also just want to share a bit of information about ParentLine as well, they are a great service who offer one on one counselling to parents if you wanted to have a chat to someone about what you are going through. Let us know if there is anything else we can do to support you or if you would like to chat through this more  ... View more

Hey @KatieD  This must be a very tricky situation for you and your boys, I can really feel how much you care about your sons and want the absolute best for them  It would be horrible for your son who experiences anxiety to be feeling like the "dumb one," and I'm sure very hard to avoid making those comparisons to his brother. I think something that can help everyone, not just young people, with their self-esteem is to meaningfully celebrate who they are and their achievements. You said that he is smart and great at sport, could there maybe be a way to celebrate this together? It would be very worrying that your son has said that he will kill himself when he feels rejected, I understand he is seeing a psychologist at the moment that he likes, is this something you could discuss with them? Psychologists are often very helpful in teaching young people strategies for managing their distress and handling issues like rejection with self-soothing, would be great to have their support around this.    @Debzzz suggestion of contacting the school is a great one, schools can often be really helpful in situations like this with providing a bit of extra support or referrals if needed. Is that something you are interested in looking into? We have this article about teenagers and confidence which you might want to have a look at, there is also this article which has some practical tips to try on helping your teen build their self confidence. I hope this is helpful  ... View more

Hey @Hopesprings123  Thank you for sharing your experiences here, it is so valuable to hear from other parents and so generous of you to share what you and your family are going through   It would be very tough for you and your daughter to be managing her feelings of suicidality and urges to self-harm, have you seen improvements since engaging with the therapist and introducing anti-depressants? The suggestion about art therapy is a really lovely one! How wonderful that it has helped your daughter. As is the suggestion for parents to get counselling support too - very important points you have made here ... View more

Hey @Moloko    I'm so sorry your son is going through this, it must be really horrible that he is being so relentlessly bullied by these classmates he thought were his friends. And I am really feeling for you being in this situation, watching someone else being bullied is so stressful and can leave us feeling quite helpless - but you are clearly doing a wonderful job at supporting him however you can. That is great that he gets along so well with his teachers that can be so helpful, @Hopesprings123 is right that getting the school involved in bullying is often a great step, could you two talk to some of his teachers together? Schools can be very helpful in these situations and they have a duty of care to look out for student wellbeing. We've got a great piece of content which I will link here with some information about teenagers and bullying. It has a great video at the bottom from psychologist Clare Rowe who has some good tips oh helping teens who are being bullied.   You are certainly right that we can't force anyone to engage in support from a counsellor, but sometimes over time young people can warm up to the idea a bit more. Do you think he might be more keen to engage in online supports? Let us know if you want to chat about this more. It is also so lovely to hear that you are focused on giving him so much love and support - that is truly the most important thing and he is lucky to have you in his corner  ... View more

Hey @Mama-S    This is such an incredibly rough situation you and your family are in and I am really feeling for you and how tough this is. It is understandable to cry and feel upset about everything that is going on and to feel worried often, but I assure you that you are not alone  That is very frustrating that the wait times are so long to see a psychologist, good on you for booking in to see one, I understand it must feel like a long wait to be trudging through in the meantime. It could be worth suggesting to your daughter that she have a look at our youth forum? Similar to this parent forum, we also run a moderated mental health forum for young people to connect with each other and give peer support. Another option for the meantime for her could be some online support services like eheadspace or kidshelpline - these are both supports she can access autonomously online.  Has she spoken to you before about self-harming? Let us know if you want to talk more about this, we have some great content on self-harm as well if you want to check it out. I hope your headache went away and that you felt better as your day went on! Here for you @Mama-S  ... View more

Hey @Hopesprings123  That is lovely to hear you're going to share the link for the youth forum with your daughter, it is a lovely supportive community and I'm sure she will feel welcome there if she decides to join  Also your reply looks like it went through all correctly on our end - let us know if you have any questions about this  ... View more

Hey @Seeger    This must be a lot for you and your family to be managing, it sounds like this behaviour change has come as a big shock to you all and it would be really challenging. I'm wondering how long this has been happening? Is there anything you can think of that may have triggered this drastic change?   Sorry to hear you are struggling with this at the moment, you are certainly not alone in experiencing an issue like this. We have a great content piece on managing family conflict - it is specifically for teens, but I think some of the tips in it are still applicable to families with younger children as well. We also partner with the Raising Childrens Network who have some more content for young children as well if you wanted to check them out. Would you be interested in chatting through some options for professional support? It could be an idea to have a chat to a counsellor at Parentline if you were looking for some one-on-one support to talk about what you're going through. Hope this is helpful  ... View more

Hey @TRIPLEP13    So sorry to hear about all the stress this situation is causing you, I really appreciate that you have told us about what is going on - it is very clear how deeply you love your son and want the best for him  Your sons openness with you about dreams and thoughts that he is having is such a testament to the beautiful, open and honest relationship the two of you have and it is truly so lovely to hear about how you two have communicated about sensitive things that can be super difficult to talk about. When you spoke to him about the possibility of professional support, did he seem receptive to this idea? There are lots of psychologists who specialise in working with children, is seeing a psychologist something you might look into?   It is also really amazing to learn about how your son has developed techniques like deep breathing to manage his anxiety and the suggestions you have made to him about going outside and playing basketball are great ideas for helping young people self soothe and manage their emotions. I'm wondering if there is a nice activity you could all do as a family that would be calming and that you would be comfortable with? I understand a lot of things are causing feelings of discomfort and worry, I'm just wondering if there is anything that feels safe that your family likes to do together so you can all have some time focusing on something positive?   I am also wondering if you have had the opportunity to talk to anyone about what you're going through? You mentioned that you have experienced anxiety and depression, have you been able to get any support for this? You and your family deserve the very best support, let us know if you want to chat through this more  ... View more

Hey @sgrad    Thanks for following up with us about what has been going on with you and your family. This is such an intensive and upsetting situation you are all in, and my heart goes out to you all    I am really glad to hear about your support from your sister and friends, it can make such a difference to have people in your life to speak to. I'm glad as well that your daughter is managing well with having some distance from her son at the moment, it sounds like having some space has been beneficial. Do you feel like things might be settling down at all? It can be incredibly challenging when a young person and one of their parents are not interested in seeking outside supports. I can really hear how much you care about your family and want them to receive appropriate help  I really want to highlight that you are also very deserving of receiving the support that you need as well. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to support you. ... View more

Hey @Mommieof3__    This sounds like a pretty stressful position you are in, and you're certainly not alone  Conflict in blended families with differing parenting styles can be tough to navigate, thank you for sharing so openly about what you're going through.  It must be really hard feeling like your husband isn't on the same page as you with responding to when your step son engages in these behaviours. This content is from an organisation we partner with, the Raising Childrens Network and it is all about setting boundaries and rules in blended families, it might have a couple of good tips in it to check out. It sounds like you and your mother in law have been able to have an open dialogue about what you see as appropriate behaviour, is that right? Has she been able to support you with these issues?  I'm also wondering what happens when your husband decides to believe your son over you and your mother in law? How do these conversations resolve?       ... View more

Hey @Mommieof3__    I'm really sorry to hear that your husband has been talking to you like that. It's not acceptable at all and I can just imagine how hurtful this would be for you. It sounds like the last thing you need as you get through your pregnancy as well.    Is there anyone you feel comfortable talking to about this? It would be nice to have some support from a friend or family member.  ... View more

Hey @ERCAAL  Thanks for sharing how things are going for you and your family. It sounds like an incredibly stressful and upsetting situation for all of you, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.    I'm glad to hear that you feel thankful and appreciative of the mental health team, its really good to hear of when people have helpful experiences with these team and that they are doing follow up calls. You and your family deserve the very best of support  That is so disappointing about the wait times, its so tough to have to be waiting all that time, did cahms give you any ideas of supports to try in the mean time? We're here whenever you need to chat about what is going on for you  ... View more

Hi @Seahorse47    Sorry to hear things have been really tough for your 15 yr old lately, have you been able to engage with any support from the school? Schools can sometimes be incredibly helpful in these situations with offering options like phased-back-in attendance or assignment extensions, is this something you think could be helpful?   To answer your question about leaving school, it really depends on where you are located. In Australia where our service is based, most states require young people to attend school until the age of 17, but it does differ between locations and the requirements for leaving can be quite varied as well. Is leaving school something your child has been talking about recently? ... View more

Hey @Wingingit  Welcome to the community! Great to have you here!   I really agree that the pressure on kids can be so much and so hard to manage, what has helped your family in managing this pressure?  That is interesting that your sons counsellor asked about learning issues, what did you think about that? Did anything the counsellor said resonate with you?   I'm also really interested if you have any tips for other parents, you said the school refusal has been on and off for a while, is there anything you have noticed has helped or patterns around when the refusal seems to happen? ... View more

Hey @Hatrae2    So sorry you're going through this, it would be very upsetting that both your children are behaving in this way. It would be horrible to feel like you're walking on eggshells in your own home. Do you think they have any awareness of how this behaviour is making you feel? Is this a conversation you could have with them?   I'm wondering if this is something that has been going on for a long time? I'm also interested in what @danphill has said about teenagers being rude at this age and if you agree?    I imagine there is also a lot of stress in the family with a wedding coming up - I really feel for you there!  We have got some content on family conflict that could have a couple of tips in it to check out about having these tricky conversations. Let us know if you find it helpful    ... View more

Hey @Teenboysparent    Thanks for sharing what has been going on for you, it must have been quite confronting to read about what your son and his friends were saying in their group chat. Have you been able to chat to him about your concerns? This could be an opportunity to open up a conversation with him about sex and cyber safety, we have some content which I will link. This article is all about talking to teens about sex with tips on things to include in the conversation, from what you've said it sounds like the group chat might have contained some disrespectful language towards women which could be something to talk about in this conversation as well.  We also have this article which is about sexting and online sexual behaviour and how we can support young people to stay safe online. I hope you find these articles to be helpful with a few good tips to try out, do you feel like these are conversations that would be helpful to have together? I'm also wondering if there is anyone else you would like to speak to about this? Do you feel like it might be helpful for you to chat to some of the other boys mums? It can be helpful to have other supports around and you deserve to feel supported while you're going through this    ... View more

Hey @Majik_Dan    This sounds like a tricky situation, have you been able to chat to your step daughter about why she likes to sleep with her brother? She might find sleeping with someone else quite comforting and it sounds like this is what she has become used to over her life, so making a change to sleep by herself would probably be a big adjustment for her.   If you and she feel like she needs to start sleeping alone so she can be more empowered or independent, it could be something that you phase out together? If she is feeling fear around sleeping by herself, it could be an idea to get some support from a counsellor or psychologist so she can work through those feelings in a supported way.   If you're comfortable sharing with us, I would be interested to know what you concerns are around the two of them sharing a bed? I'm also wondering how her brother feels about this, is he keen to have his own space? Let us know how you get on  ... View more

Hey @cp_1234  Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this post. Talking about red flags and things to look out for online can certainly be a really valuable conversation to have with young people, is this something you have been able to do with the young people in your life? We would love to hear your tips you might have on engaging in these conversations   In terms of facetiming, this could be something done together so a parent can supervise the conversation and better understand what is happening, what do you think? Thanks again for your support ... View more

Hi @granny2    Welcome to the forum, thanks for posting      Sorry to hear about what has been happening for you lately, it sounds like you and your family have been through a lot and it must be really tough for you all.  I'm wondering if your grandkids have received any supports for their trauma and anxiety? Is there anything that has helped them in the past that could be worth revisiting again? Blue Knot are a foundation that specialise in trauma that could be worth having a look at to further understand supporting them through managing the after affects of traumatic experiences. They have a helpline which can be accessed here, as well as lots of great resources for carers  I am hearing that supporting your granddaughter is becoming very draining and this is completely understandable. Do you feel like she might benefit from seeing a psychologist for her anxiety? Apologies if this is already something you are doing, but if you aren't we can chat more about how to go about this if you think it would be helpful. We also have some content here about conflict with teenagers with some tips in it that could be good to look at as well. I also wanted to ask if you are getting support for yourself? It's important that you are able to get the support you deserve too @granny2   We have a free one-on-one coaching service for parents and carers that I'll link here if you want to check it out  ... View more

Hey @Ella21  Thanks for getting back to us, I hope CAMHS is helpful and your daughter finds the counselling sessions with them to be supportive, let us know how you go  Thats great to hear that you're not feeling rushed anymore into making decisions about schooling, they are big decisions and I'm glad you've been reassured with this. Hope you and your family have a beautiful weekend! Feel free to keep us updated on how things are going  ... View more

Hey @Mez21  Thanks for this post, I'm sure @Piper will really appreciate your response and knowing they aren't alone     This sounds like a really hard situation your family is in. I understand you would really like your daughter to speak to someone about what she is going through, have you tried to engage with any professional supports before? I think you've got a good idea, let us know if you want to chat through some options for this.   It could also be an idea (apologies if you have already done this) to chat to the school about your concerns and see if there is some support they can offer. Sometimes having a chat to her wellbeing/year coordinator can offer some insights and they might be able give some guidance and support, is this something that might be possible?   I can understand it must be quite concerning that she is talking about really wanting to move out soon. When she talks about home not being a happy place for her, does she ever give you any more indication of what she means when she says this? Sometimes digging a little deeper into what this means and why can open up the conversation, is this a conversation you (or even someone else in her life) could have with her?   I'm sorry to hear about the intense impact this has had on you and your husband, it must be really upsetting for you both. If you wanted some more personalised support, we offer a one-on-one parent coaching service that could be worth looking into. And if you wanted to chat to someone over the phone about how you're feeling and what you're going through, parentline is a service that offers counselling to parents.    I hope this is helpful, let us know how you're going    ... View more