@Blue_fire wrote:  she doesn't specialize in autism and recommend we see someone else to find out. I have made an appointment at a new pediatrician to get her assessed for autism but can't get in till October. As a man who took a long time to get diagnosed with ASD (and who still struggle to accept the diagnosis even now), understanding the diagnosis and strategies for autism is worth it. The strategies that may work for most people tend to not work for people with ASD. I am a lot more understanding of myself now than before the diagnosis. I have more of the "female aspects" of ASD so that does make it tougher to get diagnosed and to understand as well.    https://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/   Hopefully you can find a local psychologist or therapist who is more skilled with ASD etc. If not search online and take advantage of telehealth.  Paediatricians may have an earlier appointment before the October one too. You get much more Medicare support when she is seen before 13 years old unfortunately   - https://www1.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/Content/autism-children ... View more

It is such a tough time SoLost, and it is great that you are seeing a psychologist weekly and have a supportive GP. It is worth reaching out to supports, and Sophia suggested ParentLine and Reachout as well for more 1-on-1 support.    I hope you are taking time for yourself, and doing things that you enjoy as well. You deserve to be happy as well as your children, especially in this difficult times. Thoughts are with you SoLost. I know in my situation, we are hoping for a change once the 16 year old is older and we are able to accept the complexities of life. Until that time, it is very tough. Until then we are the enemy and nothing we can do can ever be right. I found MensLine helpful.  ... View more

>She said she's not going to go back that she hates school and would rather die.   That is really tough Blue_fire, and I have been struggling with son's school refusal too. It is very difficult and stressful.   Have you considered after school programs or other activities that your child might like to go to other than school as well?  Mine is too old for all that which makes options far more limited.  ... View more

I hope the switching off the internet at night has been helpful. Becoming aware of blue light at night can be helpful too, and there are blue light filters for phones, and electronic devices that are pretty convenient and easy to use - https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/block-blue-light-to-sleep-better#bottom-line   Slowly moving electronic devices to outside the room can be helpful as well. I found that moving my desktop computer into the living spaces quite helpful in separating work and sleep spaces - https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/screen-time-and-insomnia-what-it-means-teens ... View more

Thanks Sidney and Janine. Transport has been an ongoing stressful issue and this has been apparently regular thing unbeknownst to us.    Just found out last night that he has been blocking smses and calls, so hopefully it will be unblocked now. Formal custody and parental agreement has not been discussed, so it is something I have been trying to investigate without inflaming the situation unfortunately. He is with her full time and apparently he persistently refuses to spend time and be in contact, so it is hard to know how much mediation and parental agreements can achieve as he is over 16.    Hopefully he will attend school more regularly though, it would be easier as there are school counselors and teachers that can support him more there too. ... View more

Strategies to discuss and develop parenting arrangements and arrive at a formal parenting agreement when separating?  ... View more

How to remain positive and parent when teenagers reject, become insulting and there is severe social isolation from them?  ... View more

> I think a lot of the ma15+ shows hay ha v ed influenced her badly!?   Hope the sti and safe sex talk goes well. The relationship between sexting and negative consequences are not clear though.     " Sexting is not related to riskier sexual behaviors like having unprotected sex " - https://edition.cnn.com/2014/05/21/opinion/junco-sexting-teenagers/index.html   Also, teens sext for many reasons, so understanding those reasons can help support happier teenagers rather than children feeling blamed and rebelling as the result.     "To show off, to entice someone, to show interest in someone, or to prove commitment. Or even as a joke. Teens' developing interest in sex, an impulse to experiment" - https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/talking-about-sexting   Teenagers are undergoing a tough time in their lives, their brain grow through a growth spurt resulting in impulsive and difficult urges which are very uncomfortable and confusing.    "Adolescents are naturally impulsive because the teenage brain is still developing the ability to self-regulate." ... View more

>I asked her why, she says no boys at school like her! I mean OMFG!   Sounds like you have tackled the sexting seriously and will be discussing the issue further on the 22nd. Have you sat down and slowly understand her reasons, examples of why she feels that way? There is a difference between social isolation and loneliness. Some of the most lonely people are popular and highly sociable.    https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/issues/coping-with-loneliness   Being really bright and a straight A student may make it harder to connect with others as well maybe? Spending regular time to understand her frustrations, especially with boys may be another way to help tackle her sexting too?    https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/managing-feelings/loneliness-sadness-isolation/how-loneliness-can-impact-kids-who-learn-and-think-differently   Loneliness seems to be slowly recognised as an important issue. In the UK there is a minister for loneliness. Loneliness however can be very private experience, and bears no relationship with how amazing everything else on the outside is going unfortunately.    https://theconversation.com/why-addressing-loneliness-in-children-can-prevent-a-lifetime-of-loneliness-in-adults-76248 ... View more

>  I have explained to him the reasons   Following the possible outcomes of your concerns may be another option as well? Sometimes it may not be obvious to your 14 yo, and they are confident you will sort it all out for them...    You may not be able to prevent them dating, but at least there is an option to problem solve the "bad news" feeling and natural consequences of their dating that worry you? Its nice to not be dumped with all the responsibility when things go pear-shaped, and then have to make tough messy decisions under pressure.    https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/kids-who-ignore-consequences-10-ways-to-make-them-stick/   https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/positive/disciplining-with-natural-consequences/   ... View more

Thank you so much coach90. It is a very timely post.  I am struggling to learn how to let go and to respect boundaries. It is so hard to work on a new relationship who has minimal contact, and to earn trust and validation when there are academic pressures on the child.  ... View more

> He talks with them every fortnight but has refused family therapy.    It is great that he is speaking to his Headspace counsellor every fortnight.   Does he have a GP that he trusts as well? A Cantonese speaking psychologist may be useful for the whole family, but a long term GP that he likes may provide a useful perspective. Regular appointments until he engages with online learning and socialise more may help reassure you that all that can be done has been done until things improve...  ... View more