Hopefully you will get a response that someone is interested in accepting her before having to get another letter.  Sometimes it is better to leave the letter blank rather than have the previous specialist name? Usually the angry response is when they see another person's name and they feel rejected being the second one considered. Also the admin would be scared about getting told off by their doctors but a blank one sometimes works rather than the hassle of getting the 30 letters? ... View more

@Blue_fire wrote:  she doesn't specialize in autism and recommend we see someone else to find out. I have made an appointment at a new pediatrician to get her assessed for autism but can't get in till October. As a man who took a long time to get diagnosed with ASD (and who still struggle to accept the diagnosis even now), understanding the diagnosis and strategies for autism is worth it. The strategies that may work for most people tend to not work for people with ASD. I am a lot more understanding of myself now than before the diagnosis. I have more of the "female aspects" of ASD so that does make it tougher to get diagnosed and to understand as well.    https://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/   Hopefully you can find a local psychologist or therapist who is more skilled with ASD etc. If not search online and take advantage of telehealth.  Paediatricians may have an earlier appointment before the October one too. You get much more Medicare support when she is seen before 13 years old unfortunately   - https://www1.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/Content/autism-children ... View more

It is such a tough time SoLost, and it is great that you are seeing a psychologist weekly and have a supportive GP. It is worth reaching out to supports, and Sophia suggested ParentLine and Reachout as well for more 1-on-1 support.    I hope you are taking time for yourself, and doing things that you enjoy as well. You deserve to be happy as well as your children, especially in this difficult times. Thoughts are with you SoLost. I know in my situation, we are hoping for a change once the 16 year old is older and we are able to accept the complexities of life. Until that time, it is very tough. Until then we are the enemy and nothing we can do can ever be right. I found MensLine helpful.  ... View more

>She said she's not going to go back that she hates school and would rather die.   That is really tough Blue_fire, and I have been struggling with son's school refusal too. It is very difficult and stressful.   Have you considered after school programs or other activities that your child might like to go to other than school as well?  Mine is too old for all that which makes options far more limited.  ... View more

I hope the switching off the internet at night has been helpful. Becoming aware of blue light at night can be helpful too, and there are blue light filters for phones, and electronic devices that are pretty convenient and easy to use - https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/block-blue-light-to-sleep-better#bottom-line   Slowly moving electronic devices to outside the room can be helpful as well. I found that moving my desktop computer into the living spaces quite helpful in separating work and sleep spaces - https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/screen-time-and-insomnia-what-it-means-teens ... View more

Thanks Sidney and Janine. Transport has been an ongoing stressful issue and this has been apparently regular thing unbeknownst to us.    Just found out last night that he has been blocking smses and calls, so hopefully it will be unblocked now. Formal custody and parental agreement has not been discussed, so it is something I have been trying to investigate without inflaming the situation unfortunately. He is with her full time and apparently he persistently refuses to spend time and be in contact, so it is hard to know how much mediation and parental agreements can achieve as he is over 16.    Hopefully he will attend school more regularly though, it would be easier as there are school counselors and teachers that can support him more there too. ... View more

Strategies to discuss and develop parenting arrangements and arrive at a formal parenting agreement when separating?  ... View more

How to remain positive and parent when teenagers reject, become insulting and there is severe social isolation from them?  ... View more

> Also, does your ex wife seek any professional help where she could voice her concerns about your son?   Good point. She says she has been seeing a psychologist but Parentline would be helpful for her. I have been using Parentline myself, so I forgot to emphasise that resource for her, thank you.  ... View more

Son is refusing to attend school once again.   No obvious plan excpet to beg and plead according to mum who lives with him. Mum struggles with discipline and does not know what to do when he is up all night. No consequences. When suggested that internet could be cut off after 9pm, mum feels that it would harm his mental health. But he refuses to see GP or anyone apparently. Refuses to chat on the phone to counselling services.    So no replies to smses or phone calls. Tough times. The feeling of helplessness is awful and paralysing :(  ... View more

> I think a lot of the ma15+ shows hay ha v ed influenced her badly!?   Hope the sti and safe sex talk goes well. The relationship between sexting and negative consequences are not clear though.     " Sexting is not related to riskier sexual behaviors like having unprotected sex " - https://edition.cnn.com/2014/05/21/opinion/junco-sexting-teenagers/index.html   Also, teens sext for many reasons, so understanding those reasons can help support happier teenagers rather than children feeling blamed and rebelling as the result.     "To show off, to entice someone, to show interest in someone, or to prove commitment. Or even as a joke. Teens' developing interest in sex, an impulse to experiment" - https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/talking-about-sexting   Teenagers are undergoing a tough time in their lives, their brain grow through a growth spurt resulting in impulsive and difficult urges which are very uncomfortable and confusing.    "Adolescents are naturally impulsive because the teenage brain is still developing the ability to self-regulate." ... View more

>I asked her why, she says no boys at school like her! I mean OMFG!   Sounds like you have tackled the sexting seriously and will be discussing the issue further on the 22nd. Have you sat down and slowly understand her reasons, examples of why she feels that way? There is a difference between social isolation and loneliness. Some of the most lonely people are popular and highly sociable.    https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/issues/coping-with-loneliness   Being really bright and a straight A student may make it harder to connect with others as well maybe? Spending regular time to understand her frustrations, especially with boys may be another way to help tackle her sexting too?    https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/managing-feelings/loneliness-sadness-isolation/how-loneliness-can-impact-kids-who-learn-and-think-differently   Loneliness seems to be slowly recognised as an important issue. In the UK there is a minister for loneliness. Loneliness however can be very private experience, and bears no relationship with how amazing everything else on the outside is going unfortunately.    https://theconversation.com/why-addressing-loneliness-in-children-can-prevent-a-lifetime-of-loneliness-in-adults-76248 ... View more

>  I have explained to him the reasons   Following the possible outcomes of your concerns may be another option as well? Sometimes it may not be obvious to your 14 yo, and they are confident you will sort it all out for them...    You may not be able to prevent them dating, but at least there is an option to problem solve the "bad news" feeling and natural consequences of their dating that worry you? Its nice to not be dumped with all the responsibility when things go pear-shaped, and then have to make tough messy decisions under pressure.    https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/kids-who-ignore-consequences-10-ways-to-make-them-stick/   https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/positive/disciplining-with-natural-consequences/   ... View more

Thank you so much coach90. It is a very timely post.  I am struggling to learn how to let go and to respect boundaries. It is so hard to work on a new relationship who has minimal contact, and to earn trust and validation when there are academic pressures on the child.  ... View more

    @sidneysdad wrote: If your ex is angry and bitter about the breakup it will be very hard to get any relationship back with your son.   Thanks :)  There is a strong feeling of not wanting to engage and to just wait until son grows up and want to reconnect then...      ... View more

Thanks Sidney's dad.  I am keen to ask his school counsellor instead more about what she knows, instead of the mental health unit maybe. Whether she received any official paperwork that she might be able to share. Unfortunately, I am being blamed for all the mental health issues by ex-wife, mum, so it makes it hard to deal with it.    Hopefully he will be back at school next week and things will get better.  ... View more

>Do you think he'd be more likely to listen to your advice and get the right support (if it's needed), or to be upset that you accessed his medical information?   I think the medical information would be helpful in helping me support my ex who lives with him. At least if I am aware of the medical issues, I might be able to more successfully be another point of contact and reduce the communication burden on her. I could also better introduce myself to the services rather than to contact the services without requested records possibly.    I am also keen to explore private providers and services if I knew what was recommended before as well, which may be helpful for my ex as well.  ... View more

> He talks with them every fortnight but has refused family therapy.    It is great that he is speaking to his Headspace counsellor every fortnight.   Does he have a GP that he trusts as well? A Cantonese speaking psychologist may be useful for the whole family, but a long term GP that he likes may provide a useful perspective. Regular appointments until he engages with online learning and socialise more may help reassure you that all that can be done has been done until things improve...  ... View more

@Taylor-RO wrote: With your concern in mind, is it an option for you to chat with your son about what has been happening and if he would feel comfortable for you to access the information?   Thank you Taylor. That is a very helpful thought and consideration. Unfortunately communication has deteriorated and phone calls along with smses replies have grounded to a halt. Hence why my thought that formal records may be a useful way to investigate other ways to communicate more successful or to bring up services considered in the formal records.    However, the formal records may only damage the relationship further. So something that needs to be reflected on more deeply. Much thanks.  ... View more