We asked Psychologist Linda to answer some questions about how parents and carers can best support their teens to navigate complex mental health. We'd love to read your comments and hear about any questions you'd like answered in the future!    Can you give examples of ways I can role model healthy communication and emotional regulation?    The good news is, there are probably already times when you are role modelling these skills! If you haven’t focused on this area before, you might not always be aware of the times you are using emotional regulation skills or healthy communication skills.   Some ways of communicating to look out for are: Letting others know your feelings, needs or expectations Showing interest in another person’s point of view and listening when they talk Providing positive feedback to others and letting them know you care about them   Emotional regulation skills are all the things you might do to help minimise big ups and downs in your emotions. This can include: Things you regularly do to look after yourself - for example exercise, going to bed/getting up at a consistent time, eating well, taking time to do things you enjoy, socialising with other people Things you do to cope when feeling overwhelmed - for instance counting to ten or taking a moment to breathe deeply, or things you might say to yourself which make you feel calmer Noticing your emotions, and how they influence your behaviour   These are just some examples, not a complete list, and not everyone uses the same strategies, or does everything all of the time. If you notice that there are things on this list that you are doing that’s great, and if you’ve identified some gaps where you’d like to do more, that can also be a good place to start.    Role modelling isn’t about being perfect - it can actually be really helpful when a young person sees you trying something new, or improving over time, because it shows them that they can also start with small steps and get better over time.     How do you help a teen who refuses any support offered?    It can be both frustrating and worrying when you can see that a teen would benefit from support, but they are not willing to accept the support you are offering. Often when parents ask about this, there are a number of approaches they have already tried - I want to acknowledge that because my response is general so might not fit your exact situation.   It can help to consider why your teen is refusing support. Often, there may be different understandings about what this would involve (for instance, they may think if they talk to someone they have to tell them everything right away, or think that they will just be told to do things differently), or they want to be able to manage on their own, or they want a different type of support. If your teen is open to having a conversation, being genuinely curious about how they feel about the support offered (whether this be support from you or from a professional) and what they would find helpful can be a first step in working together to identify a way forward.    Of course, this isn’t always possible. If your teen is not open to having a conversation at the moment, focusing your energy on maintaining or building a positive relationship with your teen is important. This can’t just be a means to an end of having them accept support, however. Being genuine with your teen is vital to having a positive relationship.    Building the relationship can include identifying times when you are getting along better, and doing more of what is working - in particular, looking for opportunities for positive interactions can be really helpful. This might be doing a shared activity, noticing when they do something well and acknowledging this, letting them lead the conversation, or even giving them some space and independence. The specifics depend on you and your teen.   When it comes to teens accepting support, a really common experience is that it is a process which takes time. If your teen declines at first, letting them know that the option is always there gives them a sense of control, but also communicates that you care. It may take a little while for your teen to be ready to take that step, and there could be a process of ‘two steps forward, one step back’ instead of a smooth journey forward.   Sometimes, when a teen is at an acute risk of suicide or hurting themselves, parents do need to take action even if their teen isn’t willing to seek support. Generally speaking, arranging for medical care without someone's agreement is only possible in a crisis, and not everyone gets to this stage. It can be helpful for you to be aware of your local services so you know what to do if your teen ever does experience this type of crisis - for instance by talking to your GP or your local mental health team about what services are available. This can help you feel more prepared.   I would also encourage you to consider what type of support you need. This is helpful for a couple of reasons. Firstly, you’ll be better able to support and be present for your teen if you’ve got support. Secondly, watching someone they know access support and benefiting from it demonstrates the value of support in a way that is much more powerful than simply being encouraged to seek support.   After years of visits to the emergency department, countless appointments and attempts to find help for my son, I am completely exhausted emotionally, mentally and physically. I struggle to put myself first. What is your advice for a parent who has nothing left to give?      I can hear that this is coming from a place of having given so much over the years, of having been selfless and caring, and now just being so tired. Everyone has a limit on how much they can do.   It’s probably a long time since you have meaningfully taken time for yourself, or really focused on your own wellbeing. You mention struggling to put yourself first and this is a really understandable and common experience with parents who are very caring and supportive of their children. It sounds like your son has been your priority and this hasn’t left any space for you to prioritise yourself.   When we spend all our energy on supporting others, eventually our batteries get drained and we come to a point where we don’t have the energy to do more.    Often, the first step is giving yourself permission to put yourself first for a while. This can be tricky when you are not used to it, it takes time to learn new habits. It can help write out your reasons for looking after yourself so you can refer back to it as needed, or when you are experiencing self-doubt. These might be things like “my needs are important too” or “I need to look after myself to have the energy to look after others.” Choose the words that are most meaningful to you.   It’s also important to realise that the type of exhaustion you describe isn’t resolved overnight, or with simply taking a few minutes for yourself, it will take time and meaningful changes.   You might prefer to start small, setting aside a little time each day to do something just for you, and building from there. It can help to write this into your diary or calendar at a specific time - otherwise it’s easy to get to the end of the day and realise it slipped your mind. If you’re feeling uncertain about where to start, you might want to consider some of the options listed here: https://parents.au.reachout.com/skills-to-build/wellbeing/self-care-and-teenagers   If you’ve tried taking small steps in the past and found it hasn’t worked well for you, or if you want someone who can listen, help you with setting boundaries and help you work out what would work best for you, then talking to a professional is a good option.    Your GP can help connect you with a mental health professional, and you may also find it helpful to contact the Carer Connections Helpline: https://www.mentalhealthcarersnsw.org/resources-for-carers/carer-connections-helpline/, as they will be able to link you to local services which are designed for carers.   My teens mental health struggles have changed them so much. How can I remain open to who they are becoming while grieving who they were?    Adolescence is such a time of change. Young people are discovering their adult identity, and this can be a more complex process when they are also dealing with mental health difficulties.   It is common for parents to experience a sense of loss as a young person goes through this transition from childhood to adulthood. There are aspects of the person and the relationship between parent and child which inevitably change, and this can be difficult. This can feel more intense when the teen is also experiencing mental health struggles, because this can result in additional changes in the teen’s behaviour.    It’s important to be aware that your teen’s mental health challenges are not their identity. Their experiences (including their experiences of mental health difficulties) are only a part of who they are. Sometimes when mental health difficulties are acute they can take up a lot of focus for you and your teen. Deliberately shifting this focus to other aspects of their identity can be a way to connect with your teen and who they are becoming.   It can be useful to consider questions like:  What are they interested in? What’s important to them? What do they believe and value? What are their strengths?   Don’t worry if these questions don’t have clear answers - your teen is still working this out as well, and things like their interests may continue to shift for quite some time. But, staying interested in these areas is a good way to develop a sense of who they are as an individual. It might also be that through this process, you are able to identify some of the things about your teen that haven’t changed - usually, even when someone has changed a lot, if we look closely we can see there are some things which they have in common with their younger self.   As I mentioned above, feeling a sense of grief as a child becomes a teen becomes an adult is common. I also wonder if some of the sadness you feel, in addition to grief around change, is sadness for the difficulties they have experienced, and worry about the future? These emotions can be quite complex, and reflecting on and understanding these feelings can be the first step towards acceptance and being able to move forward.   For some people, processing grief is something that is aided by talking it through. This type of grief, which is not associated with someone passing away, can be more challenging to explore with friends and family - counselling can be a great support because it allows for the process of exploring your emotions without judgement. Other options that people find helpful to express grief are journalling, or making scrapbooks or photo books. This can help create a sense of connection to the past and a way to acknowledge what was lost, and in doing so help you feel ready to move forward in building your relationship with who your child is becoming. ... View more

  This week we are celebrating NAIDOC Week, a time to come together and recognise the achievements, history and culture of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. Join us in sharing different ways of celebrating the oldest surviving culture on earth with your teen – be it attending cultural events, watching films, listening to music, reading books, tuning into podcasts or having conversations around the dinner table. Here are some of our tips!  Spend the day at one of the many NAIDOC events taking place in your community. Enter your postcode and state into the search engine on the site to find out what’s happening in your area. Support Aboriginal-owned businesses, initiatives and organisations. You can search for indigenous-owned firms here and charities here.  Storytelling is a powerful tool for learning, understanding and community. Take some time out with your teen and watch TV or films by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander creators.  Check out the best of NITV for free here. Tell us, how did your family mark the occasion?  ... View more

Study stress for young people is increasing, and maybe you’ve noticed this playing out for your young person. Research shows that young people struggle to balance the pressures of studying alongside other areas like work, family, health and social life.  Young people today face many challenges. Between the cost of living crisis, post-pandemic stress and overrepresentation in the casual workforce – there’s a tonne of pressure to handle. Throw a demanding study schedule on top of that, and you have a recipe for stress.  Many of these stressors are outside our control, and as a parent, it can be hard to know how to support your young adult through their academic life. So, we’ve got some practical tips, resources and support options to share with you all.  Study stress is different for everyone, and it’s worth reflecting on your young person's unique circumstances to understand better what type of support can help them get through their studies.    Causes of study stress   the course content is challenging to grasp  learning disabilities   competing responsibilities outside of studies, such as work or caring duties  mental and physical health struggles  bullying, social exclusion or friendship difficulties    How to help   check-in and have a conversation about what study stress means to your teen  focus on the basics – sleeping well, eating a nutritious diet and staying hydrated will put your young person in good stead to manage their schedule.  create a study plan that includes prioritising tasks, taking breaks and asking for help when needed.  know the signs of study stress – disrupted sleep, stress rashes/breakouts, erratic eating habits and irritability are some things you want to look out for.  stay curious and continue communicating about all areas of student life – coursework, social connections and mental health.  role model healthy coping strategies and self-care – looking after your well-being is important too.  normalise changing directions, trying something new or reducing their study workload.   Ways to support  Support options are available if you notice your teen is experiencing study stress.    Department of Education provides information about the support options available for students. In addition, all schools, universities and TAFE will offer counselling services and learning support options.  Find a Psychologist is a search engine that can help you find a mental health professional in your local area. You can opt to connect with therapists who specialise in education support.  Headspace provides work and study stress services with online support and career mentoring.  Provide your teen with study stress resources such as our collection on the topic.  Check out our article for parents and carers "5 ways parents can help teenagers study for exams"   ... View more

Accessing mental health support can be a challenging and expensive process. Travelling to appointments, purchasing medication and treatment fees all add up, making a stressful situation even harder.  The rising cost of living and extra pressure put on many families over the past couple of years is incredibly tough to deal with, so we have put together resources and information to help make getting support for your young person easier.  Mental health care plan  A mental health care plan (MHCP)  is a great place to start finding affordable mental health support. The first step is to visit your GP and ask for an MHCP. They'll review your mental health concerns and ask you to complete questionnaires about how you’re going, like the K-10 scale. Your GP will refer you to a mental health professional, such as a psychologist, social worker or occupational therapist. Information about MHCP:  A Mental Health Care Plan (MHCP) is a mental health treatment plan. It provides access to up to 10 partially subsidised sessions with a psychologist or social worker each year. Psychologist appointments can cost upwards of $200 an hour. With an MHCP, you can get $89.65 back for each session with a registered psychologist. You can get $131.65 for sessions with a clinical psychologist.   Bulk-billing practices If you’ve tried a Mental Health Care Plan and the cost is still too high for you to maintain, you might want to consider trying a mental health practitioner who bulk bills. When a medical practice bulk bills, they send the bill for your GP or psychology service directly to Medicare, and they accept whatever rebate they receive as the full payment for your appointment. This means that there are no out-of-pocket expenses for you! You can find bulk billing GPs and psychologists using databases like: HotDoc Health Engine Psychology Today  Simply enter your location and what kind of support you’re looking for, and these search engines will provide you with a list of bulk billing mental health professionals near you.   Free or low-cost mental health support  We have found some free mental health services which may be helpful for those who meet the eligibility criteria for each program.  Dokotela is a psychiatry clinic offering a free one-off review of treatment plans for young people above 18 years old living in a regional or rural area.  MindSpot Clinic offers free online mental health care. The first step is to complete an assessment which will be shared with a therapist who’ll support you via telehealth.  BeyondBlue created a program called New Access which offers six free mental health coaching without needing a GP referral. This program is specifically for people who aren’t seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist.  Headspace clinics offer free or low-cost mental health support; if they can’t provide an appointment, they’ll refer you locally.  ReachOut’s one-on-one parenting support service is free of charge and is designed to support you in helping your teen.  SANE guided service is designed for people over 18 years old with or caring for someone with complex mental health needs. The service offers one-on-one counselling support, multi-session phone counselling, peer-led online support groups and more.    Helplines  Contacting a helpline is beneficial when you need someone to talk to fast, and helpline counsellors can also provide you with information and referrals.  Head to Health is available from Monday to Friday, 8:30 am - 5:00 pm, to talk to a mental health professional and be connected with the support that best meets your needs. Contact them on 1800 595 212.  Headspace offers 24/7 phone counselling support to young people and their families. You can contact them on 1800 650 890.  Butterfly Foundation offers 24/7 phone support to anyone experiencing an eating disorder. You can contact them on 1800 33 4673. Drug and Alcohol Foundation offers 24/7 support for people struggling with drug use and their loved ones. You can contact them on 1300 85 85 84. Lifeline offers 24/7 crisis support to anyone experiencing thoughts of suicide. You can contact them on 13 11 14. ... View more

Our community has had many conversations about school refusal, and each week, we speak to more parents and carers who share stories about the struggle to get their young ones to school. It’s a challenging position for you and your teen, so we asked a psychologist Rashida to share her insights and advice.    What causes school refusal?    School refusal refers to when a child or young person refuses to attend school and/or has challenges remaining in class for an entire day. This can be caused due to mental health conditions such as Anxiety, Depression or other challenges. Some other challenges could be if your child is across a spectrum of Neurodiversity.  Some common experiences that may cause a child or young person to refuse to go to school could be:    having been subject to bullying feeling excluded or ‘othered’ amongst peers experiencing social anxiety finding it challenging to build a social network and friendship circle finding it challenging to keep up with the schoolwork not feeling supported by teachers and staff finding themselves disinterested or bored with the school material and subjects finding it difficult to concentrate.    Some causes for school refusal may actually be unrelated to the school and what is happening there and more related to what is happening in the child’s environment outside of school. Some children or young people may be coming from environments in which they perceive that remaining at home is in some way more important than being at school.    As we know, school entails a set of factors that are changing and can be perceived as overwhelming. Therefore there may be many variables as to why a child or young person has decided they are not wanting to go to school or find it difficult to remain at school the entire day.    The years in which we experienced isolation and ‘home schooling’ during COVID-19 may be impacting a child or young person’s current school refusal due to having to become used to face-to-face learning and interaction once again. School refusal can be common and once the causes are unpacked, can often be proportionate to what the child is experiencing.    What are some of the common challenges?    The common challenges faced by families who have a child experiencing school refusal are not having an understanding of the cause, which may be exacerbated by the child's fear or lack of explanation as to why they don’t want to attend school. Underneath that, there’s many other factors:    pressure from the school to encourage the child to return.  fear of the child falling behind in their studies and having to repeat a year or not be able to catch up. fear of future challenges that the child may face having missed certain amounts of school.  fear of what the child will do when not at school, and the impacts this may have on their overall social life, learning and development. fear of entertaining ideas such as home-schooling due to the families/parents/ guardians schedules + potentially not knowing how to access this pathway. perceived fear of having ‘failed’ as a parent, if the child does not want to attend school.    What can I do about school refusal?    Management of school refusal would commence with discovering the cause of the refusal to then arrange a suitable support plan.    If the child or young person is not currently seeing a therapist, seek a therapist within your area - one who specifically works with young people to engage the child in supportive sessions. Engage with your GP and keep them up to date with what is currently happening - They may discuss medication as an additional treatment pathway, however, medication alone may not be the only solution. Once the cause has been identified - a graded exposure plan can be arranged with the school to help support a child in returning, based on the causes leading towards the refusal. This may look like the child only returning on certain days at certain times/ for certain subjects until they gradually build back up to a full time schedule. Understandably this may not be accessible to all families based on other factors or be safe based on the cause.  Distance Education is also an option and may be suitable until the child’s overall challenges are supported for them to return.    Remember if the causes are unresolved and resulting from something happening at the school - sending the child back will only exacerbate their overall distress. When a child is significantly distressed, their ability to retain information and learn is significantly impacted. So the main focus should be on ensuring the child's well-being and mental health is managed prior to arranging a return to full-time school.   For parents/ guardians and families currently experiencing this, knowing the toll it can take on the entire family is important to ensuring your own mental health is being managed. Spending some time engaging in self-care and leaning on others for support can help you support your child. ... View more

We know many families around the country are feeling the pressure of the cost of living crisis. Between inflation, interest rate hikes, housing affordability and day-to-day expenses, it’s safe to say most of us are impacted. Financial stress can have far-reaching effects on well-being, and recently we spoke to young people about how the cost of living crisis is affecting them.    50% of the young people we surveyed are stressed about the cost of living, with 40% agreeing that it’s having a major impact on their mental health.    Parents and carers are carrying a lot on their shoulders, too. We want to acknowledge the pressure many of you are under, not only to make ends meet but also to support your teen with their fears about the future. If you need a hand with navigating tough conversations about money, we’ve got helpful articles that can give you some ideas below.    Dealing with financial stress  Talking to a teenager about money issues Financial support services  To help alleviate some of the financial pressures, we've put together a list of financial support services. We understand that seeking financial aid can be difficult and confronting, so please feel free to reach out if you have any concerns or questions about it.   Centrelink may be an option for you if you’re struggling financially, although we understand that it can be a difficult and overwhelming process. If you’re in a crisis, there are social workers you can contact to help you access the help you’re entitled to. If you aren’t sure what payments you’re eligible head to the Payment Finder page and follow the prompts for more information.    National Debt Helpline can connect you with financial counsellors free of charge who can create a money plan with you and negotiate payment plans for electricity and other debts. It’s their job to listen without judgement and find solutions with you. You can contact them on 1800 007 007.    No Interest Loan Scheme (NILS) is a lifesaver if you have some big expenses you can’t cover without a bit of help—items such as washing machines, fridges, car expenses and study costs. You can search for your local NILS provider here or call them on 13 64 57.    Salvation Army Assistance Line is available for people struggling to afford necessities such as food, travel, and medication. You can call 1300 371 288 for an eligibility assessment or contact your state's team, read more here.     St Vincent De Paul provides financial assistance, furniture, clothing and food hampers. They provide different types of support depending on your location, and you can see what’s available in your state using their search engine here.    AskIzzy is a national directory of all the support services available in your local area. Plenty of small community centres are doing their part to help people keep their heads above water. I recommend clicking “Food” or “Money help” and entering your postcode to find help in your area.   Homelessness support services  If you or someone you know is experiencing homelessness, there are support services available to help. These services offer a range of assistance, including emergency accommodation, financial support, counselling, and advocacy. In this section, we've compiled a list of some of the essential homelessness support services available in each state and territory, along with their contact details.   ACT OneLink 1800 176 468  NSW Link2Home 1800 152 152  VIC Crisis Accommodation 1800 825 955  QLD Homeless Hotline 1800 474 753  WA EntryPoint 1800 124 684 SA Homelessness Connect 1800 003 308 TAS Housing Connect 1800 800 588 NT Shelter Me website    Domestic and Family Violence  When money is tight, tensions can run high, and relationships can become strained. For those experiencing domestic or family violence, financial stress can make it even harder to seek help or leave a violent situation. In this section, we'll explore the impact that financial stress can have on domestic and family violence and provide resources to support those affected by this issue.   1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 provides crisis counselling, information and referral for anyone experiencing domestic and family violence. They also have a local service directory on their website.    Family Relationship Advice Line  1800 050 321 is a helpline for anyone dealing with separation issues. They offer advice and information on maintaining healthy relationships, navigating family conflicts and providing referrals to support further. ... View more