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JamOnToast · ‎04-16-2021

Hi Hannah My son got a mental health plan from the GP so he could have gone to see a counsellor / psychologist, but we also applied to see someone at the local Headspace centre and that availability came up first. He liked the person he saw there, had 8 sessions I think.

JamOnToast · ‎04-16-2021

Hi footy, I'm sorry to hear you're having to go through this difficult time with your granddaughter, but I'm also pleased she has you in her life. The tech revolution that's happened within our lifetimes is said to be as far-reaching and life-changing as the industrial revolution was, and for older generations I think it must be bewildering to see the teens consistently stuck to their devices (it certainly is for us parents!). As Janine pointed out, there are also upsides - connection to others and even getting help and information for example. We've found the free service Headspace for young people to be of help to our teen. They even have virtual options. As Birdwings said, going for a drive or doing something outside of the home can be good for loosening up tightened jaws and tense muscles! My son doesn't seem to want to engage with us at home, especially about things affecting him, but when we go for a drive he opens up. It can be tricky but I find there's at least one thing they'll say yes to leaving the house for! Re: personal care, without knowing what that is, my own strategy has been to keep on modelling what I'd like to see and to keep reinforcing that I have expectations of the person to look after themselves, for their own sake as well as for those who care about them. It doesn't always work but ultimately we can't force people to look after themselves the way we'd like. Best of luck :)

JamOnToast · ‎03-24-2021

Hi Birdwings, thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and give your considered opinion, it means a lot :) I'm very sorry to hear about the issues your son has been having, but so pleased he's found a group and a hobby. I think lack of purpose is a major problem for my son. Whenever he worked at the sailing club he seemed to be quite energised and positive afterwards, but that work has trailed off and of course he failed the exam. So yes, confidence has taken a big hit. His response is to hide away and be in denial. Re the girlfriend interstate, he couldn't just up sticks and move there as he has no income, and also I'm not sure that would be great for her (just starting new uni life) and I'm sure her parents wouldn't be impressed! His issue is to build a life that includes her but doesn't revolve around her. It's like he's lost any sense of what he wants or likes, apart from watching videos all day and chatting to her. We've nudged him along so far, getting him trained and a foot in the door with a job, we get him to drive us places to increase his driving hours, but it all comes from us. And he seems to be entirely unappreciative of this fact! So hard... And yes I'm painfully aware of how much harder things would be if/when they split up... Yes I think you're right about the talking, the more I encourage him the more he clams up. He seems to interact with me better via text so I guess I keep doing that! thanks again for your words of wisdom. Jam

JamOnToast · ‎03-23-2021

Hi Janine, thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. Always been on the introverted side but it's more pronounced since his girlfriend went interstate to study. He has worked casually in the past for a sailing club and seemed to enjoy it - but his confidence got knocked as he failed a recent course to become an instructor, he had a horrible accident which entailed 24 hours in hospital and surgery. The wound (cut to ear) has healed nicely and he has since been on a boat, but I think he's reconsidering that as a job! I have let him know about online counselling and he's already had a positive experience with Headspace but says no. Thanks for the related articles, it is so easy to wonder where we went wrong (although have another son brought up in same family / environment, completely different!). So it's reassuring to hear it's not our 'fault'. But it's still our problem and his reticence to do anything with us or take advice makes things very strained. Thanks again :) Jam

JamOnToast · ‎03-22-2021

Hi Ravi. I'm glad your son is getting some professional help and well done to his friend for letting you know. Now perhaps it's time for you to see a professional to gain insights in how you can manage your anxiety about his future and also some tools on how to manage this situation now. I have an 18 y o who left school before end Y12, despite being a bright kid - just hated school. Prefers his TAFE course so at least he's engaged in something, and maybe in the future will still go to university. It's so hard isn't it? Best of luck

JamOnToast · ‎03-22-2021

Hi everyone. Looking for some tips, support, wise words if you have any... My 18 y o son is into his second year at TAFE which entails approx. 2 days on campus. His girlfriend left for uni in another state in Feb. She was his social life more or less before she left. Now on the days he doesn't attend TAFE he spends most of his time horizontal, shades drawn, watching movies or playing games. He chats a lot with her and will reject any suggestions of doing other things with us if they have organised to watch a movie together. He talks about getting a job - mainly all the kinds of job he doesn't want - but always has excuses to do nothing about it. He has one hobby that gets him out of the house, which he might do once every couple weeks (with my husband) and if we instigate getting his driving hours up he'll come. He doesn't take initiative, is very reclusive, not happy (his mood is better on days he's at TAFE or if he's chatting with GF) and before he started this relationship, had 8 sessions at Headspace for mild depression. I can see he's withdrawing from family and social life, he just lives for his time with his GF, and won't listen to our suggestions of doing other things or getting professional help. I don't know what to do! At almost 19 I'm not sure ultimatums will help (like what? I'm not about to throw him out) but I wonder if our understanding approach of nudging him along, and giving him space ('Leave me alone' is his favourite sentence) is working. HELP! Thank you :)

Date Registered	‎03-22-2021 03:36 PM
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About JamOnToast

About JamOnToast

About JamOnToast

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