Hi @mymom - welcome to the ReachOut Parents Forum.  Thank you so much for sharing your story.   Just a couple of things to let you know, we are based in Australia and I can tell by some of the language that you have used in your post that you are based somewhere different so we cannot give you any advice about your specific situation . It is great that you found us though, and you are really welcome here.  We have an amazing and supportive bunch of parents on here who can offer general advice and support to you and I hope that that can bring you some comfort.   Also, I made a very small edit to your post so that it is in line with our community guidelines - I hope you don't mind.   My heart goes out to you - it sounds like a really horrible position to be in - especially considering that it sounds like your son has a real passion for playing his instrument and that some of his recent experiences might make him question his passion and commitment - it must be so hard to watch this happening as a mother.  I know in my situation, I feel my teenager's pain and disappointment more powerfully than my own!   To hear about a situation where your son is obviously in distress (the anxiety or asthma attack) must have hit you really hard.   It sounds like you are really frustrated with the situation that you have been facing at school and that all of the responses you get are not really making you feel any better.     I was wondering - what kinds of conversations have you had with your son around this?  I can tell from your post how caring and compassionate you are as a parent.  Have you talked to him about how he feels about going to school at the moment?  I know that you said that he was very upset by some of the things he was accused of.   I think it is so important, generally, to let our teenagers know how safe and loved they are at home - to support them and love them unconditionally and it sounds like you are creating that kind of environment for your son which I am sure is very comforting to him and will really help him be resilient and face some of the issues that he is being forced to deal with in music class.       ... View more

Hello @Pumpkin welcome to the forums!  So glad you have introduced yourself!   So sorry to hear that things have been tough recently and that you are going through a stressful period.  This forum is full of amazing parents who are amazing at lending an ear, sharing their own experiences and generally supporting parents who are going through a rough patch.   If you feel comfortable with it, I can highly recommend jumping into the Common Concerns for Parents section of the forums where you can start a discussion about some of the things that you are going through right now where other parents with similar experiences will be able to find your post and talk to you about some of the tactics they have had success with in navigating these tricky periods.   When I read in your post that you are feeling 'alone and overwhelmed' my heart really went out to you - and I really hope that some of our amazing members can connect with you here. ... View more

A huge hello to our newest members: @mum_of_one, @933LW, @Pumpkin, @Dragonmother, @Panda72     Welcome to the forums we really look forward to getting to know you a little better :)    To break the ice it might be nice for you to introduce yourself by answering the following questions (just remember to keep it anonymous though).   1. How old are your kids and what is one thing they've done recently that made you laugh? 2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down? 3. What led you to ReachOut Parents today?       ... View more

Oh @sunflowermom I am so sorry to hear your latest news.  I can only imagine what you are going through right now and how devastating this must be for you and your daughters.   That drive home and then to the hospital must have been so scary and heartbreaking - you did so well to get through this and be in a position to support your daughter.   I have to admit that I was a little concerned to read that you feel like the care giving is totally up to you without any help. Is shifting your work hours to the middle of the night so that you can be available to your daughter during the day sustainable in the long-term?  What kind of toll will this take on you physically, mentally and emotionally and how will this impact the lives of everyone in your household and the care that you are able to provide?   I completely get that your daughter is uncomfortable with the other forms of support you have considered (hospital or family) and you don't want to put her through that, but it might be the case that you need to consider these options further in terms of making things work?   The therapy that you mention this week - will there be any opportunities for you to also talk to a counsellor to discuss what practical options you have for moving forward that might be more accepted by your daughter but at the same time give you space to look after yourself as well? ... View more

Hey @Champion - Welcome to the forums!  So cool that you and your son can bond over the footy!  Some of my best childhood memories - that I keep with me to this day are watching games with my parents - especially the old mid-week league competition because I was allowed to stay up late on a school night and watch with them on the old beat up black and white telly in their bedroom.  Amazing that you are creating those kinds of memories with your son :)     ... View more

Love it @taokat!!   I haven't watched as much as I would have liked but I do try and snatch a couple of minutes here and there - I am the only sport fanatic in our house so I fit in a little bit of viewing when I can!   In saying that, I did make a point of staying up for the opening ceremony - I am a sucker for them - and I did get my partner interested in joining me for that as she was invested in checking out and commenting on the team uniforms :)     ... View more

Hey there @ConfusedDad15 and welcome to the ReachOut forums - it is really cool that you joined us here.   Just wanted to quickly say that we are based in Australia and some of the language in your post leads me to believe that you might be based somewhere else.  Because of this it isn't possible to give you any practical advice around concrete steps you can take but you are so welcome here and I really hope that this amazing community of welcoming and supportive parents can support you by sharing some of their experiences.   I really feel for the situation that you family finds itself in right now.  It must be so difficult for all of you right now - it is really confronting to feel like you are in the middle of things and are being asked to 'take sides'.  I love the pride and love that you have for both your daughter and your wife which shines through in your post and this must feed into your feelings around these episodes.   It sounds to me from your message that these issues that the issues that are all to do with communication.  How each member of your family expresses their concerns and problems even when the motivations for these conversations comes from a place of love care and respect and this has led to conflict.  Is this fair?   If so, have you considered looking into dealing with a counselor in your  area who specialises in mediation and conflict resolution and who can help you build strategies for positive ways to have these types of conversations so they don't escalate? ... View more

Thank you so much for posting this @Sophi-RO - I too was saddened by what has happened in Florida and have been trying to steel myself for whatever questions my son has when he gets back from school.     My natural instincts are to try and step in and shield my son from upsetting stuff (going into full parent protector mode). Especially as my son does have a tendency to focus on worst-case-scenarios when it comes to confronting world events.   At the same time I know that these urges are not possible as a long-term solution and so I do have to step back and think about this.    That's why I really love the first couple of suggestions that you posted above around how to have this conversation.  To let him know with those kinds of words that he is safe here might be amazingly comforting.     ... View more

Hi @sangeeta and welcome to the ReachOut Parents forums!  I just wanted to let you know that I merged your two posts together to make sure that you get the best responses from our amazing community.  I hope you don't mind. ... View more

Hi there @Missymum - thanks for joining us here on the ReachOut forums - so happy that you found us!  Thanks also for sharing your story - there was so much in there that hit home for me!   The love and support you have for your family shines through in your post and especially how passionately you want to help your middle son navigate some of the issues in his life.  It seems like there is also a flip-side to this passion and commitment - the unrelenting standards that you are imposing on yourself - and these seem to be leading to guilt and feeling like a fraud whenever you are complemented.   I can totally relate to all the feelings that you are going through - as well as your natural spontaneity!   I was wondering, how do you deal with these feelings when they occur.  Do you have some way of managing these thoughts?  It is so important to practice self-care - are there any techniques that you use when you are thinking this way - is it possible for you to do something positive for yourself to help you recharge?   It was so fascinating that you mention that you need an 'accountability coach' living with you.    ReachOut provides a free over-the-phone parents coaching service that seems like it might be really useful for you to look into.  The program is really focussed on finding practical solutions that help parents set and stick to their parenting goals and action plans.  I thought this might be a really useful avenue for you to explore.   You can find out more about ReachOut Coaching by clicking on  this link which has some information about the service as well as a short video which explains it all really well.   ... View more

Hi @sunflowermom thanks so much for the update and I'm sorry to hear about your setback yesterday I completely get how heartbreaking this must be given the positive things that you have been noticing over the past couple of weeks.   I am completely in awe of how calmly you dealt with a really trying situation last night and it is so wonderful that you could be supportive (within the limits that the situation placed on you).  I might have said this before, but even if it doesn't seem like it when in the middle of a crisis the calmness, love and support that you provided last night will give such strength and comfort to your daughter.   Your advice to her about getting the Dr involved with the decision is really smart and I love that it helped you with some practical steps yesterday.  More than that, seeing your doctor, who has the best clinical knowledge of, and experience with, your daughter's specific situation seems like a great way to start a conversation around not just your daughter's experiences with her current medication but other avenues that you can investigate to complement this treatment. ... View more

Hi there @kimiekim - thanks for the update really appreciate it!   It is really positive news that you are looking into counselling for yourself right now.  You have probably heard this saying before, but "you can't pour from an empty cup" - you can only be effective at doing your job as a carer if you are feeling strong and emotionally centred.  With all the stresses that you are dealing with daily it seems to me that your emotional cup could use a top up!   A local councellor for you could really add value to you both in terms of supporting you emotionally and helping you process how being in your situation is affecting your emotional responses to the issues that you face, but ideally also talk to you about practical steps that you can take within the home to communicate with your step daughter and work with her to set agreed-upon boundaries that will, in the long run, make day-to-day life much more manageable.   I was also really happy to hear that your step daughter is receptive to going to councelling and I am sorry that your experiences so far have not worked out.  In the long run, this might be a blessing in disguise.  From my own personal experience I needed time to find a councellor who was a good fit with me which took a while.  There are so many different types of support available and finding out what is best for her situation is really important so it might be a good thing that her first councellor realised that she needs a different type of support before going too far down that road.   I am hearing from your post that you are worrying about the kinds of things that your step daughter might talk about in her sessions.  To put your mind at ease this could be something that you bring up both with your own councellor or privately with your step daughter's councellor who might be able to talk you through what processes are in place to deal with situations like this? ... View more

This sounds like it could be so much fun @taokat!   ... View more

Hi @kimiekim and welcome to the ReachOut forums.  So happy you found us here and thanks for sharing your story.   First up, just to let you know, we are based in Australia, and it seems to me, from some of the language you use that you are not based here.     You are really welcome on these forums and I hope that you can get some helpful support and general advice from this amazing group of parents, but we can't obviously give you any practical advice about resources you can turn to in your region.   It is really hard situation that you are in at the moment and my heart truly goes out to you - you have had a lot to deal with over the past years and it is only natural that you should be feeling angry.  Some of the behaviour that you describe must have been really hurtful - especially the situation around some of the things she said about her father.   It also sounds like your step daughter is also in pain at the moment  and this could be contributing to some of the hurtful things she is doing.  I don't say this to excuse anything she has done or to minimise the hurt and anger that you are feeling, but only to consider what can practically be done to improve the situation in your household right now.  I truly believe that no kids are inherently bad - but that doesn't mean that they can't display bad behaviour at times.   I was wondering if your step daughter would be open to talking to someone outside of the family about what she is going through and what is causing her to act out in the way she has been doing.  Is there a counselling service at her school where she can talk to someone about what is behind some of her behaviour?  This might be a really good positive step in putting in place some rules and structures that mean you can better cope with the things that are being thrown at you.    Having your step daughter access this kind of help might also be really useful when it comes to the practical decisions you need to make around how you manage your vacation.     Do you think that she might be receptive to this kind of help?   I was also wondering, does your step daughter live full time with your family? Are you receiving any help from her mother in addressing any of this behaviour?   ... View more

Hi there @unclejimbob and welcome to the ReachOut forums - thanks so much for sharing your story and the background of where your family is at.   I know that you specifically have asked in your post for practical advice and are not looking for support and pats on the back, but you are going to have to indulge me one time because every bone in my body wants to let you know how amazingly your coping through all of this.   OK - with that out of the way, I wanted to summarise and address the specific questions you ask in your post:   1. How to handle absconding 2. How to keep your teen safe 3. How can you access respite care.     I was wondering if you had considered speaking to anyone at Parentline?  They offer an over-the-phone service where you can speak to someone about the specifics of your situation and who will offer you personal, practical and tailored advice around the issues you are dealing with.  I really think that they might have some good practical advice around how to keep your daughter safe and how to address the issues around her running away.   You can call them on 1300 30 1300 or you can find out more about what they offer by following this link.   In addition to this, I would also like to tag @motherbear and @LovingThruBlue who have spoken really intelligently about related experiences. ... View more

Hi @Jakehelp Really sorry to hear about the episode that you guys faced this week, but it sounds like you coped really well with it by asking him to forgive himself.   I wanted to let you know about an article on the ReachOut site.  As you know, we are based in Australia so some of the links there won't be appropriate for you (such as where to find professional support), but the article is a really practical guide and talks about some ideas for how to manage the urges that your son is experiencing and what tools he can use to address them (things like distraction and delaying techniques).  I wonder if there are any ideas in there that might be useful for you to keep having this conversation with your son?   You can find the article by following this link ... View more

Hi @Lily17,   Thanks so much for this thoughtful and compassionate reply I so appreciate the positive contribution you make here.  Just a quick note to let you know that we have made a couple of edits to your post so that it fits into our Community Guidelines - I hope you don't mind.  I have emailed you about one of these as well so check that out when you have a second and if you have any questions I am really happy to chat there.   Thanks again, Nick ... View more

Hey @Trunt68 and welcome to the forums!   That is an interesting question, and one which I feel like I might not have really considered in as much depth as I should have with my teenager.   We have had general conversations around pocket money as well as discussions with my teen about things that they want to buy for themselves and how best to budget and save for them but have never really discussed in-depth what financial management and planning is all about.    Aside from the fact that understanding and knowing about these issues is a really important life skill, is there anything that you have noticed in your life as a parent that has brought this issue front-of-mind?     ... View more

Hi there @VBMom and welcome to the ReachOut forums.     Before going into your post, just wanted to make you aware of a couple of things.  First-off, I had to make a small change to your post to make sure that it is in line with our community guidelines - I hope you don't mind.     Also, just wanted to let you know that it appears that you are not in Australia, where we are based so we can't point you in the direction of any practical resources or services.  In saying that, the pain and issues that you describe are really universal and I am sure that our community can offer you support and inspiration during this really challenging time in your family's life.  You are so welcome to join us and I am super happy that you found these forums!   With all of that out of the way, I just wanted to let you know how moved I was by your description of the situation that you and your son are in at the moment - I can only imagine how tough times are for you right now and you must feel drained by everything that your son is experiencing.  The feeling of 'one step forward and two steps back' is such an emotionally confronting situation to be in as a carer - especially given the levels of empathy and compassion that shine through in your post.  It is only natural that you should feel at a loss right now.   There is a member here @Schooner who has spoken so amazingly and informatively in the past about their experiences with some of the issues you describe (such as starting out on medication) and I hope neither of you mind, but I have tagged them here because I think that their take on this would be really useful.   I was really heartened to read that your son is getting support from a therapist.  Have you talked to them about the recent changes that your son is experiencing?  Do you think that talking contacting them and asking about these issues could help?   ... View more

Hi there @Jac_a_T and welcome to the forums – so happy you found us here!   It sounds like such a tough time for your daughter (and your whole family) to be dealing with right now and as a parent whose teen is also starting high school right now I completely get the demands and added stress that is placed on our kids during this huge period of change for them and my heart truly goes out to all of you.   It seems, from reading your post, that there are factors at play for your daughter that is making this transition especially hard for her like her illness and anxiety around the brand new social environment and the day-to-day logistics of being a high-schooler.   In saying that, what also shines through from your post is how caring, loving and supportive you have been through all of this.  The things that you have been doing to help your daughter (from the gradual exposure, to conversations with the school) are really beautiful and I’m sure that the caring, safe and supportive home environment that you are creating is providing her with some levels of comfort during this.   I love that you are considering seeking counselling for your daughter.  I think that a conversation with your GP is a really positive first step to take.  They will be able to talk you through what options are available to your family.  Have you had any conversations with your daughter about taking this step – does she seem receptive to the idea?   Finally, I was wondering if you had seen this article on the ReachOut site.  There are some wonderful tips in there at the end of the page that might give you inspiration for additional things to try as well as helping to prepare you for a conversation with your GP.   Many of our amazing, gorgeous and supportive community members have had similar experiences so I am going to loop in @taokat @motherbear and @Zoesplace to get their take on this. ... View more

Hi @Worrisome   I am so sorry to hear about how traumatic last night was for you.  I can only imagine how terrified and hurt you must have been while all of this was going on – what happened is more than anyone should have to bear and my heart truly goes out to you.   I really want to commend you for getting through last night.  Given what happened I was wondering if you have an action plan for situations like this?  Is there a support service that either you or your daughter use when you are in the middle of episodes like this?  Ngala have a 24 hour phone number that you can call if these episodes continue – their number is 9368 9368 regional or 1800 111 546.   They also have online service as well and you can find out more about them here.   I really get what you are saying about how we as parents balance being compassionate and supportive but at the same time ensure that there are boundaries put in place in your household.  It is a tricky balancing act at the best of times and one that is made all the more complicated with everything that is going on in your household right now.   I was wondering if you know about the ReachOut Parents Coaching service.  You can find out all about it by clicking on this link which has a video which talks about what it can offer.   The service is a free, personalised one-on-one coaching service with a trained professional from the Benevolent Society with years of experience helping parents and teenagers with concrete tools and solutions around setting boundaries and effective communication  It sounds like some of the practical advice they can offer might be really useful moving forward for your family? ... View more

Hi @Sister and welcome to the forums!   Just quickly, I hope you don't mind but I have moved this post to help other parents who might be experiencing similar circumstances to you find it and offer their amazing support!   I have also sent you an email about this.   The amazing levels of love, compassion and support you have for your son really shine through in your posts all throughout forums - not just this thread, but all of the others where you have  been offering support and kind words to other members.  That compassion is beautiful, and such a wonderful foundation for navigating the situations that arise in your family,   It is totally understandable with everything that has been on your plate recently that you should feel more comfortable in the role of carer and have found seeking support for yourself has fallen down your 'to do list'!  it is so amazing that you have started the process of Parents Coaching.  I know that it has been a hugely positive factor for many of our members here and I am sure that they would love to kept up-to-date with your experiences with this.   I thought I would also tag a couple of members into this conversation who have similar experiences. @taokat (who you know already), @waldo_pepper, @Zoesplace ... View more

Night night all.   ... View more

A true Scottish person never tells - and neither do I ;) ... View more

I know right @taokat!   I am afraid I am going to have to log off for the night which is a shame because I am having such a great time!   Thank you so much for hanging out @Zoesplace and @Erin-RO   And huge and special thanks to you @taokat for pulling all of this together for us!  It has been so awesome surrounding myself with FUN at the end of the week!   ... View more

When I was thinking of the most fun thing I have ever done I kept coming back to this memory.   I was the best man at my best friend's wedding which was in Edinburgh in Scotland.  I got to wear a kilt and walk down the main street of Edinburgh and have my photo taken about a million times by American tourists - I was having a ball...   All of the bride's Scottish family kept telling me "You think this is fun?  You wait until the folk dancing starts!"   As we discussed earlier ^^ I am totally not a dancer so in my brain I was thinking this is going to really suck - I can't think of anything worse than Scottish folk dancing...   So at about 2am after a really nice wedding the folk band turn up and start playing and all of a sudden everyone in the room just kicked up another gear - they taught me some simple dances and I can't tell you how amazing it was! ... View more

Is this the Great Barrier Reef @Zoesplace? ... View more

I really want to go there in summer too one day - although I will add some adrenaline to it by doing some mountain biking!! ... View more