Hello @JJsunny  Its been a couple years since I was on this site but let me tell you it was the best thing I ever did to help answer my questions when I had no idea where to turn.  It is absolutley the most frightening feeling when your child says they dont want to live. I remeber feeling so alone and isolated until I reached out to this amazing group. I want to tell you hang on...it gets better. Keep her as engaged as possible.  Try new things-I was not even above bribery at some points during our 3 uphill journey.    If you can stay involved and keep her communicating in any way she is comfortable I feel that is half the battle.   My kiddo is now 18 and is doing so much better.  The self harm did fade out.  She graduated and works (sometimes) and even has a boyfriend.  I never thought I would see seemingly normal days again.  But it will happen again.  And sometimes unfortunately there are backslides but its okay.....its just part of the territory I guess.   You got this!  just take it one day at  a time.  If you could start with one thing I would say Dont let her completely isolate and try hard not to do that yourself either.  At times even us parents want to run and hide under the covers....I sure did plenty of times. just wanted to say....your not alone. hugs     ... View more

Hello @mugs1170  sorry its taken so long to get back.....Life has bee very hectic Our family felt so lost when my daughter was first discharged.  We had no idea what was right or wrong and how much supervision was required.  We kept cabinets locked, and we installed cameras throughout the home.  alarms on the doors in case she tried to sneak out and locks o the windows,  For about 2 months she was always supervised.  although she was allowed some alone time in her room- just no locked doors.  I remember the times we went through this exhausting and hellish.  Therapy of some sort about 5 days per week.  She also went into a day program for a month where she learned some cognitive behavior tips.  I basically had to work only part time to help get her to all her appointments and still bring her to work with e on other days.   And school turned into home schooling.  we put a tracker on her phone too.  Everything we went through was trial and error.  So I'm just offering a few things that might help.   The cameras I must say were a big comfort to me. I know you are currently going through the most exhausting all consuming challenge of your life.  I never imagined it would happen to us either.  But there were times in the throws of everything that I couldn't imagine her getting well.  But it does happen....it really does recovery happens.  Just not as fast as we would like.  Hugs   ... View more

Hello My heart goes out to you! My family has been there. My daughter is about a year into recovery. Coming out of the hospital was the hardest part. Day program helped immensely. I will write more soon. I have a few suggestions that brought me co.fort when she came home. ... View more

Dear Adorable80 I'm sorry your going through this. It's very frustrating when you feel like you are not supported by your spouse. If you cannot,ask husband for support how about another trusted family member? A grandparent or uncle perhaps? Someone you can have on your side. Also, think creatively about punishments. Take away privileges or give extra chores. Maybe this could get your sons attention. We are here for you. Hugs. ... View more

Happy Holidays! We do an ice skating trip followed by a dinner out. The kids look forward to it every year and every year I pray I don't fall on the ice. Lol ... View more

I'm grateful my heater works in my home. I'm grateful it's Sunday and I can take a nap I'm grateful for a fridge full of food ... View more

Hello @Tomorrow My daughter had a couple years of self harm. It was a difficult period in our lives to say the least. I read everything I could on the subject and we went to a family support group. We had to get her to break the cycle, for my daughter it became almost an addiction. But we cane up with a plan. When she felt compelled to self harm no matter what time, we would get in the car and drive and talk or get a coffee. The first step is just to open up communication with her on it. And keep trying different alternatives to release her anxiety until somethings helps. We r here for u. You are not alone. ... View more

Today for self care I will practice my affirmation. I will be extra patient with myself and no mean self talk. ... View more

Dear @compassion Thank you for touching words. It brings me so much joy to hear your girl is also doing well. It's so amazing to hear she repairing her family relationships and involved in school. Your not being naive....you know,we have teens andvtgey will make mistakes. But I don't sweat the small stuff that parents who haven't been down this road do. And I'm sure you are like me. We are in a place of gratitude it's an eye opener and lifts tgat heavy weight we've carried for the past few years. I sure hope parents reading this understand there truly is hope even when you can't see through the fog of complete desperation and brokenness. Thank you so much for your WONDERFUL update 😊 ... View more

Hello! Just checking in. Life continues to move along. Daughter is doing online school, working, driving. I feel like it's a dream after all we have been through. I'm just hoping to offer hope to any parents going through the nightmare side of things. It's still not how I imagined our life would turn...but it's good. And I'm allowing her to make choices in her own journey. After all, it is hers. I'm doing my own adjusting, I have much PTSD surrounding the past years. But therapy and kindness to myself are helping. ... View more

Dear @heartache12  I a so sorry your going through all this.  I totally understand how you feel when you say good years have been robbed from you.  My daughter started a downward spiral at about 14.  we have gone through almost every gamut of issue.  Self harm, hospitalizations, refusal of school, depression anxiety, pot use, risky sexual behavior....wow you name it..we've been there. I also knows what it feels like to be a parent that questions my discipline. You just gotta keep trying new things and do your best to keep the communication open.  I bend on the less important things and above all I remind myself this is her journey.  Not what I expected or hoped for of course....but none the less its her story and it will make her stronger.  I focus on the good I see in her more.  like she is stubborn and smart and can do anything she puts her mind to. My daughter eventually went back to school after a year and a half.  she is 16 now. Getting license and part time job...more standard teen stuff.  We honestly went through 2 years of hell.  But eventually it calms down. eventually I just want to offer you hope.  Hang in there. PS:  my daughter just gave herself a  tattoo on her wrist with her boyfriends name ….OMG! insert cringe here   ... View more

Hi @Jess1-RO  Thank you for checking in on us!  Things are going terrific- she finished her sophomore year with better than a C average, has a long term boyfriend, working on getting her driver license and a part time summer job. Life has really turned around- and honestly a year ago I would not have believed it.  We recently celebrated her 16th birthday and I couldn't put my finger on the struggle I felt that day until I realized I did not think she would be alive by her 16th birthday. She will sometimes still struggle with thoughts of self harm but voices it to me, she does smoke pot- and I am ok with it because she is not on any other medication, and I notice she doesn't like change of plans- it can get her upset or induce anxiety.  So even though everything is not perfect- these are certainly things that are easy to navigate in the big scheme of things. I wish I could tell any parent going through nightmare struggles with their teen just hang on.  You WILL have to bend.  But you will get through and your family will have incredible growth and strength on the other side. ... View more

Hi @What_to_do  In my opinion.  Let her earn her allowance for doing chores, not skipping school, keeping homework done.  Whatever responsibility you two agree upon.  Do this even though you know she is buying pot with her money.  This is hard to admit but it might help you.  At one point my daughter did not have any money so she actually traded sexual favors for pot.  The only way I found out was from her therapist, then she admitted it.  It was a sickening feeling but kids have a much more casual idea of sex than we would like to think. And a girl especially a troubled one with lower self esteem can be easily swayed with a tiny bit of attention.  My opinion is give her allowance, it could potentially help you not go through my nightmare. ... View more

Dear @rubymeadow1  I'm sorry it has taken so long to teach out to you this week.  I know first hand how scary it is when our child tries to take their life.  Is he home with you now?  What are you doing to take care of yourself during this tumultuous?   time???  I think it is especially hard for boys to reach out with their feeling- but even my daughter would be at a loss for words.  Its not that they don't want to tell us.  Its that they don't know how.  They don't know what they feel.  Sometimes they have trouble feeling anything at all. My son also grew up with IBS all through school.  He is almost 30 now.  But issues stopped when school did.  Now I know it was his anxiety manifesting on hos body.  It was a difficult time for him too.  But it finally passed. Hugs to you..... ... View more

I think as a parent we really do try to cover all the bases, legal, moral emotional.  I know for us there were a lot of moral things I questioned.  Like shouldn't I be pushing her harder in school, punishments. pot use,  etc. But I can tell you first hand when you sit in an ER  several times because your child has  self harmed or attempted suicide and you visit her numerous times in many different hospital stays.  And you take your child to therapy and support groups every other day for almost 2 years.  You have time to think and your priorities really change.  You get into a survival mode.  I can tell you coming out on the other side of things that now I feel more comfortable enforcing rules like homework, curfew, chores, hygiene, dress code.  And I know she is not going to go off the "deep end" when I do these standard parenting things.  Life can really turn on a dime when you are in the thick of things.  I know I did what I could just to get by and try to keep my daughter safe. ... View more

Today for self care I will take a yoga class and buy some supplies to do a craft. ... View more

This is a great topic-  My youngest is a 12 year old daughter and I can all ready see the screen addiction taking hold.  She does love crafts, horseback riding, scouts, baking.  Honestly anything that I will participate in with her she will totally do.  I suggested we both start taking martial arts together and she loved that idea. Remembering these are our last years to hang with our kids while they still think we are semi cool. ... View more

Dear @silverlining  Thank you for the kind words.  Our vacation was amazing- very little drama which is a huge accomplishment with a teen and pre teen daughter. I have learned to slow the pace a bit too.  They really wanted to spend most of the day by the pool, nap  and eat pizza even though we were in Disneyland.  And I just let it be without judgement or having to control the situation.  Maybe some personal growth for me? I am sorry you are feeling run a little ragged these days- I get that ( my daughter recently pulled an all nightery too, ughh) I think its great that you are recognizing warning signs- its a skill we didn't have 2 years ago. So that actually might be a good thing.  I think we have to remember that even if there are signs it doesn't mean it has to slip all the way back down the rabbit hole.  Talk with her when you get those little brief fleeting moments.  I try to sneak them in before my daughter asks for money...lol I am so glad you are in therapy even if she is refusing.  My daughter has not been for about three months and I am ok with that- but I continue therapy for my own sake. I think of it as permanent self care. I hear whet you are saying about friends dropping off.  Its hard, but maybe they were only meant to be there for a season anyway?  Are there any good meet up groups in your area with your interests?  We still need adult connections. This week I am taking my daughter shopping for a prom dress. It feels so crazy to me.  I never dared to imagine that things could get better.  But they do. hugs   ... View more

Dear @Zimmy  My heart breaks for you.  I know the horrible pain I felt when my daughter ran away.  It almost took me over the edge.  Do you have any communication with her?  Do you know where she is staying? I really have no advice for that time when your child is gone- it seems like a blur and your living in a fog. I tried to stay proactive and reach out to all her friends, social media, law enforcement.  Beyond that there was not much I could do.  I tried to take care of myself with hot bathes, food in the slow cooker and walks with my head phones on. sending prayers and hugs.  You are not alone and no parent should endure this torture alone. ... View more

Dear @Preciosa  I am sorry you are going through such a tough time.  I can tell you love your son very much and will do anything for him.  Its so scary when we don't have the answers we need.  When we are not sure what is going to happen next.  I can totally relate. My daughter had gone through a severe depression, anxiety and a whole host of things for the past almost 2 years.  She is recovering now. Just keep doing your best, keep seeking answers and additional help.  Please take care of yourself- reaching out to others for support is one way to help keep you sane.   My heart goes out to you. PS: my nephew has a form of severe autism discovered in early teens, very smart and stayed in his room for years only contact was his online video gaming friends. He is now 18 1/2 and he is making huge strides even starting college outside the home part time.  I just want to bring you hope.  Things can and will eventually get better. ... View more

Today for self care I took a long hot salt bath and a comfy cozy 1 hour nap. ... View more

Hi @silverlining  Your message was so kind last week.  We just got back from a family vacation  to Disneyland so my access has been limited.  I have had a incredibly tumultuous year and a half.  And honestly I never thought I would see the other end of it with a positive outcome.  I just want other parents to know it really will happen- I want to bring hope.  I know we all have different time lines and we wish we knew when the rollercoaster would end.  What we go through will forever change us and our teen- but you will have good times again and you will not be forever waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can honesty say I have gained a new perspective and I enjoy the little things way more. Thank you again for your wonderful message! ... View more

Dear @Orbit64  My heart goes out to you.  I know you are living a nightmare right now.  I think its good that the Gf's Aunt is doing the tough love approach too.  You are right he will have to seek help soon.  Do you keep tabs on him through the cell phone?  Does it have a tracker? We are here for you, I am more than sorry you and your family have to go through this. Hugs   ... View more

Wow!  I like this topic: My daughters best qualities are her strength and tenacity.  When she wants something she does not give up until she has figured out a way to achieve it.  I know this will serve her in her future.  I have seen some amazing strides over the past 4 months.  All that she has achieved  because she decided it  for herself- trust me she doesn't do it just to gain favor with me or my husband. We have had the bumpiest ride over almost 2 years. The most horrible and traumatic things happened in this time span. I am so proud and thankful to God for all her achievements and growth.  And honestly my growth too. If there are any parents that feel hopeless- please know it will get better.  You just have to hang on tight and bend your branches in the storm. There is hope- We are proof ... View more

Today I am grateful that I have both therapy and a massage booked for this week. ... View more

Hi @lizard0812  I am sorry to hear things are in such a difficult spot.  I am not sure what FACS is?  I am in the states but I can imagine its similar to CPS here.  It was scary when they got involved- but I was open and honest and they helped me find any extra resource available.  Stuff I had not thought about.  I know its hard and not what we imagined and all we want to do is keep our babies safe.  You are doing great!  Keep doing what you have to do.  Your family will pull through this.  I just wish I had a magic ball to tell you when that would be.  hugs ... View more

Thank you @Jess1-RO !   I pray this brings hope to others going through what I have gone through.  Its a long journey and you will never be the same, but you will get stronger.  We didn't ask for these challenges as parents- but we can push through them and bring something to the other side   It gets better- just hold on!. ... View more

Hi @WhaeaM  My daughter is in a teen support group for about 1 1/2 years and we also attended a family support family support group weekly.  I think these 2 things were a HUGE part in my daughters recovery.  She could talk about things in her teen group that she was not comfortable to talk about at home.  I LOVED the family group because some weeks it was just parents and kids in a separate room and sometimes the families came together.  I took comfort that there were other parents going through what I was.  I also learned how to be less of a helicopter mom.  I also learned better communication with my daughter and my husband. I think if you can find a group family or teen or both.  Its so worth it.  And you have to try it for more than just one session, I would say commit to a couple months to decide if its for you.  Some of the sessions can get really intense but its worth it. ... View more

Hi @compassion  Thank you so much for checking in on us!!  Actually, we are still doing really great.  She is going to school, no longer skipping any classes because I said you don't get allowance and you cant go anywhere on the weekend if you miss school. It has seemed to work- I also said no failing classes don't care the grade just no fails. Currently on her own accord she is holding down a low B average, and has joined the school Softball team.  Even has a high school boyfriend though she confided that she is getting bored of him.  All this feels like typical teen stuff. She has been smoking less often now, sometimes once a week. (probably because she spends her own allowance on it)  But it goes in waves of higher usage too. To be clear she is not on any other medication, we tried about 10 prescriptions and combos over the past year and a half simply didn't help her.  I am not anti meds ( at times they have worked wonders for me) but they didn't help her. Her source for pot is good- since we are in California we have dispensaries and her cousin picks it up for her.  But then she can also get the levels of THC and CBD that she is looking for.  There are also rules or responsibility about the usage in our home- like- it doesn't go to school, she must smoke in backyard, nothing ever left out, she has a younger sister. Things like that.  There will be more rules once she gets her drivers license in a few months.  I know all parents would not agree with allowing the pot smoking, but many teens smoke anyway without their parents knowledge. At least I have some knowledge about what's going on with her. How are things going for you and your daughter?   ... View more

I @Lexxy  I understand felling totally overwhelmed when your teen is being rude.  I have seen it turn a perfectly good day or moment upside down.  I have a daughter that has been on a rude spell for quite some time.  I get that some rudeness is regular teenage behavior. I try really hard not to take it personal, and I have learned to control my own emotions when I am with her, I don't yell or cry or fight back not wanting  to escalate things.  Sometimes I will say- it seems like you are looking for a fight and then I just go quiet.  The worst is when she is rude to her little sister and says something hurtful.  I make her apologize to her little sister.  I tell her I am a big girl and I can take it If you say hurtful things to me- but don't bully your little sister- that's just plain wrong.  I think it has gotten better over time.  The more they are in a good place the less they lash out.  But probably you have to draw some lines.  What is tolerable rude behavior and what is over the line. Hang in there! ... View more