How best to parent a teenager that uses cannabis daily.

[What_to_do]

Hi, can I ask (due to relevance to my own 14 year old, I just discovered this site and put my first post last night) do you give her pocket money/any money to allow her to buy the weed? That’s my current dilemma. She’s too young to work but in the scheme of things I feel smoking some pot is a ‘better’ coping mechanism than some of the other stuff we’ve been through (bad self harm, suicide attempts, anorexia etc). I’d rather be honest with her and keep it that way but feel guilt at supplying her by giving her money. She’s told me she’ll get it some other way if I don’t...thanks for your thoughts if you see this...

[Bestapproach]

Hi..I know my son who is 16 now uses  his lunch money etc for weed..like you I am not happy about it, but it could be worse. I am very open about it now with him..hard to get a job with you are stoned etc etc . He’s is still doing well at school..goes to school, and is a nice kid . I just keep working on him with subtle digs ..but am not making everything about the weed . Because he is more than that .,, Hope this helps! 

[sunflowermom]

Hi @What_to_do 

In my opinion.  Let her earn her allowance for doing chores, not skipping school, keeping homework done.  Whatever responsibility you two agree upon.  Do this even though you know she is buying pot with her money.  This is hard to admit but it might help you.  At one point my daughter did not have any money so she actually traded sexual favors for pot.  The only way I found out was from her therapist, then she admitted it.  It was a sickening feeling but kids have a much more casual idea of sex than we would like to think. And a girl especially a troubled one with lower self esteem can be easily swayed with a tiny bit of attention.  My opinion is give her allowance, it could potentially help you not go through my nightmare.

[Nikkita]

My 14 year old son says smoking tobacco helps him deal with his stress.
The problem is he expects me to pay for it. He makes all these promises. I'll go to school, I'll behave etc
He got a job & said he'd pay for them but then spent the money.
He has threatened to smash up his room again because he needs a smoke. Says it's my fault he won't go to school then.
I am so sick & tired of his behaviour.
He's been going out drinking a lot since the school holidays & I know he smokes marijuana sometimes.
He didn't attend his last 2 psychology appointments (he's attended an intake & 1 psychology appointment).
He won't see a drug & alcohol counsellor.
He's hardly been to school this term.
He has all this wonderful advice for his friends but he does the same crap they do.
He's been caught stealing. I went through this with him a year ago & he promised not to do it again but lied.
He's rude & disruptive in class. Swears, shouts etc.
He has this huge chip on his shoulder about not having a dad, I know he's depressed (he's on antidepressants) but I told him that's not a reason to treat others disrespectfully.
I told him I'd buy him smokes tomorrow just to get him out of my room - it's 11:30pm.
I absolutely loathe his attitude & behaviour. I feel like he takes advantage of me.
I'm so frustrated & pissed off at myself. I can't believe my child thinks he can treat me this way.
Like all the other parents on these forums, I didn't bring him up this way. It's like he turned the minute he entered high school & things have slowly gone from bad to worse.
It sucks being a single parent.

[Jay-RO]

Hey there @Nikkita, how are things going between you and your son? 

It sounds frustrating to have to deal with your son's poor behaviour so often, especially when he is rude and disrespectful to you. 

Do you have anyone around you who can support you through this? Such as friends, family members or even a professional? It's important that while all this is happening that you are also taking care of yourself. Is there anything you like to do to help you get away from what's going on? 

[Nikkita]

Hi
Things aren't going well.
He's refusing to go to school. He's just doing whatever he pleases.
This week he's talked about moving out & going on centrelink.
He was speaking disrespectfully to me & then expected me to let him use the internet. I said no & he did the usual ask continually, ask why, threaten "to do something he didn't want to do", raise his voice etc. But I said no.
Yes, I have support services in place & friends I can talk to.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Nikkita,

I can hear from your posts you have been working really hard to try and set boundaries for your son and seek help for him too. I can't begin to imagine how challenging it must be emotionally when he doesn't meet these supports halfway.

How have the last two weeks been? You mentioned your son hasn't been attending his appointments, have you been able to speak to his professional network to let them know about the schooling or his behaviours at home? Now that the school term is back, has the drinking and smoking reduced or has it persisted?

Please keep reaching out to us when you need to chat We are always here to be a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on