How best to parent a teenager that uses cannabis daily.

[ihavefailed]

Hi  

My son is 15 he has been smoking pot for some time and is not the best in school and quite problematic.  We are trying everything, counselling, grounding taking things away  nothing works  he will do what he wants.   The thing we are tying most to do is stop him from smoking in the house, he just refuses to go outside he smokes in the house when we are not home and in his bedroom when we are home  we are constantly talking to him about it and he lies endlessly I know he is smoking in the house and continuously denies  It always ends up in a battle.  does anyone have any ideas.  

[Lan-RO]

Hi @ihavefailed thanks for reaching out to us. It sounds like a really difficult position to be in, particularly when you feel like you have tried everything. The counselling support he received was that from a specialled Drug and Alcohol Counsellor or School Counsellor? Did they provide any helpful strategies? I'm going to tag some of our members for further support and advice @Dad4good @sunflowermom @compassion @Schooner

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @ihavefailed, I just popped in to say thanks for sharing. I have moved your comments to your own thread so that you can receive more support on your post. I hope this is okay. All the best.

[ihavefailed]

Thank you 

[Bestapproach]

I’m with you . I can’t stop him . So have decided to stop trying . All the talking in the universe seems to have no effect . Have just said to him when you are ready to stop and get on with your life let me know. He’s a nice kid, and I’m sure it’s a phase due to boredom . He is now 16 , and is still obsessed..with this and Fortnite . But in a way feel it is better than alcohol..He has ambition , and I say you won’t get a job turning up high etc . And there will be no driving lessons etc if you are still smoking . So we are very open about it now . Does ok at school . Hang in there , and just keep communication open .dont make everything about the weed 😊

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @Bestapproach, thanks for sharing that with us. It sounds like a really difficult situation to be in with no right answer. On one hand you want to address the issue but sometimes constantly addressing it can create continuous conflict. How does your family manage through these tough times? I am sure some other users that have been tagged will respond soon

[Bestapproach]

Well, its not what Id like to see him do! but after 18 months  of sneaking around his bedroom and getting cross, figured that he will do it anyway, and the decision will have to be his .its a tricky thing, as don't want our communication to always be about it. I truly think its a phase for this age group, and the main thing is to make sure it doesnt lead onto harder drugs. We talk openly about it. and knows we are disappointed that he chooses to do this. but we are NOT disappointed with him, and love all his other strengths etc .my other 2 older sons have aspergers and autism ..so bit of a full house with  special needs!!!  

[sunflowermom]

Hello
I can relate to this thread. A year ago I tried to outlaw pot with my then 14 year old. She was on extensive medications for anxiety and depression. A long year of stress and crisis happened. 4 hospitalizations Lots of self harm, impulsive situations, etc.
Now she is no longer on meds, she had many side effects with them, she is in school, softball. We have come a long way with extensive counseling and family support groups. She does smoke pot, I know about it. I can live with this especially after all we have been through this past year. I have come to terms with it and i dont hassel her about it and we share open dialogue about harder drugs.
She uses a vape for pot. Sometimes she smokes in her room and it's not as strong. Also had air freshener and I always tell her, smoke in backyard.
It's not an easy situation as a parent, but I no longer carry guilt about it and we have more communication and family interaction now.

[gina-Ro]

thanks for your insight on this one @sunflowermom - so good to hear about the improved communication and situation. I think your thinking about acceptance and slow behavior change is a really good way to look at it.

Sometimes we have to accept the choices teens make and think of ways to improve the situation, or minimize harm, rather than take a hard line approach. 

@ihavefailed how is everything going for you this week? Thinking of you 

[What_to_do]

Hi, can I ask (due to relevance to my own 14 year old, I just discovered this site and put my first post last night) do you give her pocket money/any money to allow her to buy the weed? That’s my current dilemma. She’s too young to work but in the scheme of things I feel smokingvsome pot is a ‘better’ coping mechanism than some of the other stuff we’ve been through (bad self harm, suicide attempts, anorexia etc). I’d rather be honest with her and keep it that way but feel guilt at supplying her by giving her money. She’s told me she’ll get it some other way if I don’t...thanks for your thoughts if you see this...