My legal obligations towards my 15 year old daughter

[Jaycee]

I had a week long psychosis as a teenager from smoking pot. So it’s entirely possible.

[gina-Ro]

@Jaycee  that sounds terrifying. I'm glad that you recovered! 

It's important to remember that experiences such as yours are extremely rare, and most people who use weed do not develop psychosis. 

[Zimmy]

Hi pls do advise coz I'm in the same boat...daughter left home at 14 yrs old....it's bn 3 wks now!!!!I'm dying inside!!!!!

[sunflowermom]

Dear @Zimmy 

My heart breaks for you.  I know the horrible pain I felt when my daughter ran away.  It almost took me over the edge.  Do you have any communication with her?  Do you know where she is staying?

I really have no advice for that time when your child is gone- it seems like a blur and your living in a fog.

I tried to stay proactive and reach out to all her friends, social media, law enforcement.  Beyond that there was not much I could do. 

I tried to take care of myself with hot bathes, food in the slow cooker and walks with my head phones on.

sending prayers and hugs.  You are not alone and no parent should endure this torture alone.

[sylvia]

We    have not   heard  from you...has  she   returned  home   safely? I am   in the  same situation with my 16  year old daughter..since   she was  14  ..now she found   a boyfriend a few months  ago  and  has been staying there at his place..at first she came home to visit but     in    the   last two  weeks she has not..if   she  has returned home  try to sort it out  love because  it    can happen again...with   my daughter  it is  ongoing   over the  last few  years...a  never ending nightmare...

[sylvia]

Sunflower mum      .    Thank  you  for your   tips   and understanding....how is your daughter  ?   It is a terrible situation....sometimes it is hard to find out what the problem is...in my case  she says  there is no food...her twin brother   hurts her..and steals her  things..I  always buy  plenty of food  and with her twin brother  I  cannot do much..usually she is the one who starts..so she is justified to leave..sometimes  it can be curiosity  too..to stay with other people  to see how they  live..in my case we don't have any relatives ..it   makes it so hard...

[JayB2k03]

Um... yeah you are other than not forcing her to go to school... but like... shouldn't you be putting in a little extra effort to help your kid? She strayed from the path somewhere and it's your job to push her back. Maybe you've covered legal responsibilities, but not really moral and emotional.

[sunflowermom]

I think as a parent we really do try to cover all the bases, legal, moral emotional.  I know for us there were a lot of moral things I questioned.  Like shouldn't I be pushing her harder in school, punishments. pot use,  etc.

But I can tell you first hand when you sit in an ER  several times because your child has  self harmed or attempted suicide and you visit her numerous times in many different hospital stays.  And you take your child to therapy and support groups every other day for almost 2 years.  You have time to think and your priorities really change.  You get into a survival mode.  I can tell you coming out on the other side of things that now I feel more comfortable enforcing rules like homework, curfew, chores, hygiene, dress code.  And I know she is not going to go off the "deep end" when I do these standard parenting things.  Life can really turn on a dime when you are in the thick of things.  I know I did what I could just to get by and try to keep my daughter safe.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @sunflowermom,

I think you raise a really good point which is that a lot of parents are trying to cover all the bases, and manage a lot of really difficult circumstances at the same time

You mentioned "survival mode" and this is something we definitely hear from parents particularly when their teens are going through a point of crisis. When your daughter started that point of recovery, and where you could start to enforcing more rules, how did you find the transition? I have heard from a few parents in my last workplace that going from survival mode and then to a point when teens were ready to take more responsibility for their wellbeing is quite new territory to navigate. I'd be really interested to hear what this experience was like for you

From what we hear from your posts, it sounds like you did an incredible job of managing the tough times and supporting your daughter through that experience and out the other side

[Bolesygirl]

OMG - I am in exactly the same situation. My son was perfectly normal until March 19th this year then completely derailed. He was finding items around the house to use as a weapon. We had a shocking incident one day where he became completely psychotic and threatened to kill me and we had to call the police for help. They ended up placing an AVO on him to protect me. In our case our son still lives at home so the AVO has made the relationship even more tenuous and not really made me feel any safer if I were honest. He is however being treated by a psychiatrist who has put him on medication to level out his moods and this has made a noticeable difference. Perhaps this is something you could consider too? Though getting them to take their medications is of course tricky (especially if they regularly couch surf and don't come home) and is also often counteracted by the 'recreational' drugs they are taking that we don't always know about.

We know we can't stop the drugs but we can make it harder for him to buy them. It seems that $20 is the required amount to get a small amount of marijuana so we never give him more than $10 for anything. We have cut all access to money in the house - I keep my credit cards in my phone case and my phone on me at all times. I've pretty much stopped using cash ever. We've also taken all jewellery and valuables to work and locked them away in a cabinet.

For what it's worth when I work at home I have put into place safety measures. I've also decided that I am not going to let my love for my son (I still remember him from before all this happened) cause me to allow myself to be a victim of domestic violence at his hands. You are well within your rights to set boundaries and protect yourself so don't hesitate to do whatever you feel comfortable with. Best of luck. I hope things start to improve for you.