Topical Tuesday - How to help your teen if they self-harm

[Tomorrow]

Thank you. The first I knew of her self harming was a few months ago her psychologist asked me “is she self harming again?” - I had no idea she ever had. Our first talk about it was just the other day after I had read a report the dr had written to the psych which mentioned it again and something went missing from the kitchen. I asked her about it and she admitted she had. I really didn’t know what to say.
Now I’ve read the articles you suggested and that’s helped to know more about it. I really don’t know how to talk to her about it and I know she hasn’t said anything to the psychologist about it either. She is seeing her next week and has started with the medication which will hopefully start to make her feel better in a few weeks. In the meantime I’m just trying to keep an eye on her and make sure she’s not home alone ever.
Thankfully I have a supportive husband but no one else really. That’s why I came on here hoping to find some support and information so thank you. I’m really at a loss to know how to manage this phase and support her. Just trying to love her the best I can. Obviously she means the world to me.

[Bre-RO]

Hey @Tomorrow 

It is clear that your daughter means the world to you I'm happy to hear that your husband is a support for you and that you came here to get more advice. 

It's good to hear that the articles were helpful - they were written for young people but here and here are some ones specifically for parents that might also be good to read. There's another here on positive coping skills for self-harm. 

Do you think that seeing a family counsellor would be helpful for yourself and your husband? It sounds like you're both doing everything you can to support your daughter. We're here to listen and help you think of your next steps  

[Tomorrow]

I definitely think seeing a family councillor would help. I am going to speak to my daughters psychologist to see if she can suggest someone. We really need help in knowing how to support her and parent her as we really don’t know what we’re doing. I’m worrying myself sick and my husband is starting to lose patience with us both.

[sunflowermom]

Hello @Tomorrow
My daughter had a couple years of self harm. It was a difficult period in our lives to say the least. I read everything I could on the subject and we went to a family support group. We had to get her to break the cycle, for my daughter it became almost an addiction. But we cane up with a plan. When she felt compelled to self harm no matter what time, we would get in the car and drive and talk or get a coffee. The first step is just to open up communication with her on it. And keep trying different alternatives to release her anxiety until somethings helps. We r here for u. You are not alone.

[RachelB]

Hi there
My daughter is having issues with cutting over this year. It’s something she says is her control. She is having some very rebellious behaviour at present and when boundaries are out on her I’m worried but makes her worse.
She’s having influences from friends and the want to chat late into night, which means she’s pushing back on tech boundaries and refusing to go to bed.
I’m worried because she says her friends help keep her calm but this behaviour is both stressful and really not acceptable. Has anyone found good tips yo help with this? Thanks very much

[RachelB]

Thanks it’s a very challenging time and I’m not sure where to start. Dealing with pushing boundaries, Covid and social media channels influencing, it’s very stressful

[Philippa-RO]

Hi @RachelB and welcome to the forums - we're so glad you've joined the community. If you'd like to create a new thread of your own, please feel free to do that here. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your worries for your daughter - that sounds really stressful.

It's hard sometimes as parents to know how best to navigate things like rules and boundaries, especially in lockdown - it's a whole new world in a lot of ways really.

I'll be honest and say that my teenagers are spending more time online than I'd usually be comfortable with, and I do share your worries about what it all means for them in the long term. It's not easy when there are so many losses they're going through and so few things to replace them.

It sounds like your daughter has been really open with you about the benefits she feels she gets from interacting with her friends. Can I ask what your biggest concerns are about it? Do you think she'd be open to discussing your concerns and working towards a compromise?

Re: the issues with cutting, we have some helpful resources on our website here, in case you're interested in reading them.

Does your daughter have any professional support - eg. a counsellor or psychologist? If not, do you think that's something she would consider?

What about you - do you have people you can turn to for support, or things you can do that you find helpful or calming? Parenting in lockdown is tough sometimes. 

We're here for you any time you want to talk.