Hi @Lenny80, I'm really glad to hear that you've been looking at alternative education options to best support your son. Unfortunately, the traditional education system in its current form, can often be exclusionary to students who need some considerations to best support them and their learning. I was able to find a couple of resources which might help you and your family when looking into Virtual VCE options   The education department of Victoria has an information page  here  which details some information about study options for students wishing to learn online. They also list the Virtual School Victoria, which is a government virtual/distance education school which offers full-time study options for students wishing to learn from home. You can take a look at their website  here , and their enrolment page  here , which lists their 5 enrolment categories and the requirements for enrolling at the school. From the sounds of your post, I believe your son would be able to qualify for the medical (social/emotional) category.   I hope this helps! Please keep us updated on how you go  ... View more

Hi Moses. Thanks for reaching out. A 9 year old child obsessing about a parent that she adores, is in fact, quite normal. The ongoing physical contact is also quite a normal response from a child to a parent. What im trying to reflect here by saying that, is that her obsession with you is not necessarily something of concern. However it can be perceived as somewhat unhealthy in that she might be developing a deeply secure attachment to you, which makes fallouts and difficult relationships in her future difficult to manage. Fixating on someone does not help to represent how relationships actually work in the world. So if you constantly enable the fixation over you, it might in some sense set her up for disappointment in her future relations. SO how do we manage this then? A common theme in psychology is called "the good enough mother", which essentially talks about how you don't have to be ever present to be a good parent - your general presence and love is enough to develop a healthy relationship style in her. I suppose a good way to go about this is to possibly speak with her (with the mother present) where you put some gentle boundaries in place (no sitting on laps for example). If she wants to why she cant engage in this way, you can talk about the nature of your relationship and what your role is for her (ie: "my role is to guide you, and intimacy is reserved for special partner relationships that you will experience when you are older).  So to summarise Moses, don't worry too much about her behaviour, its relatively normal, just ensure you put boundaries in place to model healthy boundary setting within relationships and make sure that you do it in a way that doesn't talk explicitly about "the birds and the bees" or in a way that makes it seem that she has done something wrong. Use this as an opportunity to teach her gently about boundaries. Otherwise Moses you could try to call mensline or speak to a psychologist if you are still concerned. Good luck with it, and thanks for reaching out! ... View more

Hi @Monica76,   That sounds like a really tough situation, and I can understand why you would be feeling so lost and hurt about everything that's happened. It sounds like that you and your daughter have a complicated relationship, and emotions can run really high during the holidays, as well.   I'm sure that there are a lot of different factors involved in this, but maybe a place to start is to think about how you would like for things to be different with your daughter e.g. whether you would like for her to apologize and whether you feel like you need to (this is a really good article on apologies), and what you think your daughter would want for you to do, as well. Something that can also be important is sitting down and trying to understand the situation from your daughter's perspective and how she would be feeling and thinking, even if you don't agree with her viewpoint or her actions. Writing a letter expressing your feelings, whether it is a letter just for you to read or to send to someone else, can also be a way to try and make sense of all these emotions, and get some clarity.   Lastly,  you might also consider talking to a therapist or a counsellor about what's been going on; a lot of people find that having a neutral party to talk to can also be really helpful in trying to find a way forward. ... View more

Hi @Mumrun3,   Welcome to the forums. I can understand why you would be feeling a bit confused about what next steps your daughter can take and I'm wondering if you've had a chance to chat with your daughter's school about what's happened and what options she has?   Something that you might consider as well is getting your daughter to have a chat with future student services at your local universities, as they can also give information on what the requirements for getting into nursing courses are.    It sounds like a tough time for both you and your daughter right now, and I hope that you can also take care during this period! ... View more

Hi @heather1974,   It's great that you have reached out here for support and that's what our forums are here for. Your honesty is really appreciated, but we do also have guidelines around no posting explicit details about things like methods of suicide as they sometimes can be triggering for other people to read.    We hope that offers a bit more clarification, and you might also find giving National Parent Helpline a ring helpful, too. ... View more

Hi @NamasteHope,   I'm sorry to hear about what's happening with your son, and it makes sense that right now you must be feeling very scared and worried about him, especially if it is something he doesn't want to talk about.   I think that right now you are doing one of the most important steps, which is getting your son to see someone that he can talk to about what's going on; it can also be really helpful for parents to meet with professionals themselves to ask questions and talk about how best to keep supporting your son.   In terms of what you can ask of him, I think that is a question that depends on a lot on what your son himself is comfortable or okay with, maybe trying to open up the conversation in a calm and nonjudgmental way and gauging how your son is reacting to it. This article on raisingchildren.net.au has some really great suggestions on ways you can try talking with him about what's going on and in the meantime I hope that you will be able to help your son find someone to talk to soon! ... View more

Hi @sadmom1,   You and your children have both been through so much. I think the fact that you are spending this time reflecting on what happened and how they are connected to your childhood shows you are already making a lot of progress in moving forward from your marriage and trying to create a better future for all of you.    The process of coming to terms with abuse, especially abuse that happened to us as children, is something that is different for everyone and doesn't have a set timeline. I think it is great that right now you are also taking steps to take care of yourself and your mental health, and doing what you can to support your son while still respecting his boundaries. It can be really hard when we want the people we love to seek help but they don't want to reach out, but at the end of the day we can't control anyone else's actions, we can only focus on taking care of ourselves. ... View more

  Hi @Birdwings,   Thank you for joining to provide your support and share your experiences. Teenagers can be really tough. They are at a stage where they're transitioning form childhood to adulthood and this time can be very challenging not only for them but for their families too. It is very common for teenagers between the ages of 14-17 to have an many more arguments with their parents as they struggle for more independence. This is the hard part of parenting when it comes to working with a challenging teenager.   As @Taylor-RO mentioned there is no right or wrong answer here and Parent Line would be another helpful service if you would like some extra support around this with a counsellor. The parents sections on the kids helpline website also has some helpful information for parents in supporting your teens.   Best wishes!   ... View more

Hello @Sil77, I am sorry to hear about the situation that you and your family are going through. It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, and it sounds like this is not an easy decision at all. It is good that the teachers at school are good, but a shame that some of your sons peers are causing issues. As you mentioned, it could be a good idea to contact the school over the issues as they sound like they could be a good support. Is that something you and your family would feel comfortable with doing at this time? Would you be able to talk with a school counsellor about this situation? They could arrange to have a chat with your son and see how he is going if you would feel comfortable with something like that? I am sorry to hear how much this is impacting you. Have you had a chance to talk with anyone about what you are going through? It might be helpful for you to get some of these thoughts and feelings off your chest. Parentline is one of the helplines that you could call if you wanted to talk with a counsellor about what you are going through. ... View more

@Ilovemygirl It sounded like you did a really great job raising the issue with your daughter. You listened to her, and respected her boundaries to find a way you can provide support that she feels comfortable with.    I hope that you can keep us updated on the situation if you feel comfortable doing so, and it sounds like you and your daughter have a really relationship that can keep you supporting her throughout all of this. ... View more

Hi Ilovemygirl,   Welcome to our forums, and I'm so sorry to hear about what has been going on - it sounds like that your entire family is going through so much right now, with things hardest of all on your daughter. Having to deal with something like a brain tumour is something that would seriously scare anyone, let alone being thirteen as well and not having that same life experience or knowledge that adults might have to try and process this information.   I also disagree with your husband - generally when people self-harm, it is because they are in a lot of emotional stress or pain to the point where they cannot think of any way to deal with it except through physically hurting themselves. Raisingchildren.net.au has a really good article on self-harm in teenagers that might be worth passing to your husband so he can be more aware of how this is impacting your daughter.   I'm glad to hear that you have been able to speak with your daughter about what's been going on; how did that conversation go? ... View more

Hi Furious,   Welcome to our forums. I am so sorry to hear about what has happened to you and your children - it must have been very stressful and traumatising for you to have to experience that, especially as you had previously left an abusive situation. It sounds like that principal's actions were incredibly harmful to all of you and completely out of line, and unfortunately racism is something that still has an incredibly large impact on many people's lives in Australia.   I will not add much as I want to give other parents on this forum a chance to respond, but I hope that right now you and your children are safe, and that you are all able to receive some mental health support and any other help that you need.   I'm not sure if you are in touch with any other services, but there are also some services that are aimed at helping women from multicultural backgrounds with domestic violence situations, such as the inTouch Multicultural Centre against Family Violence in Victoria or the Multicultural Women's Advocacy Service in Perth.  BeyondBlue also has online forums that are free to use, and can be a good space to talk about other issues not related to parenting and get support from others, as well. ... View more

hey @OzzieMum,   That does sound like a really tough situation...most kids would struggle to have to sit quietly without anything to do for half an hour, and it sounds like that your son in generally is someone who likes to have of activity to engage him.    I'm sorry to hear the school hasn't been much help, and it doesn't really seem reasonable that they would expect you to manage your son's behaviour without putting any changes in place themselves to support your son while he is in class.    I think it is hard because at the end of the day we can't really control or change anyone's behaviour, we can only really respond to what they do and try to get them to understand there are consequences and enforce those consequences when it's needed like the psychologist said. If your son understands the consequence to his behaviour is time-out, things like that and he's still not wanting to change, I think it would be hard to do much beyond that besides maybe finding other ways to motivate him to change, possibly working with a psychologist? And similarly maybe your son's teacher has to come to that point where if she's not willing to work with your son to implement other activities to engage him, it's likely he will keep acting out like this. ... View more

Hi @AdviceSeeking,   I'm not a parent but I just wanted to drop in and say welcome to the forums, and I'm sorry that your daughter is going through a tough time at the moment. It sounds like that you and your daughter have been through a lot lately with her grandfather passing and all the changes from COVID, and that would be something that most adults would struggle to handle, let alone people growing into teens.    I'm sure that other parents will chime in too but it seems to me that if you've observed a few worrying behavioural changes in your daughter (e.g. the crying, the meltdowns) combined with the stressful events she's been through, it might be worth speaking to her GP (if she has a regular one) about what is going on, and trying to learn more or talk to someone about the issue, as well.   For example, raisingchildren.net.au has some really good resources on understanding mental health in pre-teens.   There are also Parentline phone counselling services in every state where you can speak to a counsellor for parenting advice and support.   And of course, it's really great that you've reached out to here for support, as well.  ... View more

Hello @Coop-2005, sorry to hear about what you and your family have been going through lately. From the sounds of it, your son’s behaviour has changed quite dramatically and things at school seem to be an issue. It sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. It seems like you have been thinking a lot about how you can best support your son which is great to hear. I think you might find getting some professional support to be helpful as they can give you another opinion on your sons change in behaviour. Would you be able to arrange a talk with the school counsellor about some of your concerns? They might be able to support you further around this or provide you with some services that might be of use. Also, you might find talking to a trained professional about your situation to be helpful. You can call up and talk to a counsellor at Parentline if you are wanting some further support or advice. Here at ReachOut, we also offer free one-on-one support with a professional who is experienced in supporting families. You can read more about this here if you are interested. I hope that you find these to be helpful ... View more

Hello @Lozzamuzz, sorry to hear that your son has been experiencing such high anxiety lately. That must be hard on both of you. It sounds like you have been really involved in your son’s life which is really great to hear. I am sure that he appreciates the great support that you have been providing. Getting support from a psychologist was a great move and I hope that he has been finding it to be helpful.   It is also good that you have been communicating with the school around this, it sounds like they want to support you and your son in the best way possible, so that he can complete what is required for this year. Would you be able to talk with someone from the school about developing a plan of some sort for your sons academic requirements? You might find that having the requirements and plans mapped out helps to ease some of the uncertainty around your son’s school year.  Have the psychologists given you or your son any tips for how he could manage his school course load? If not, this might be something that you can ask the psychologist about as they might be able to develop some strategies with your son to ensure that he can get through some school work successfully.   I hope that things get better for your family soon   ... View more

Hi @OliviaBB, welcome back to the forums!   I can understand why you are worried about this and that you want to find some help and information around this topic. However, I'm not sure if ReachOut will be able to give you the help you need because we are a forum aimed at parents of teens aimed 12-18 years, I'm sorry about this.   The Pregnancy, Birth and Baby helpline might be able to offer some more help, have you been able to give them a call? Your local council will also often offer services for mums and newborn babies and list them on their website. You can find out more about your council either through searching up '[your area/suburb name] council' or look it up on this website. ... View more

Hey @SeafoamGreen and welcome to our forum! We are so glad to have you.   It sounds like you are going through a difficult time at the moment with your marriage. It's nice to see you keeping a positive mindset though and saying you won't give up.   Just thought I'd share that we have a thread here for new users who would like to introduce themselves. We also have a single parents discussion board here that might be of interest to you.   Also, just letting you know that we removed your first name. I hope you're okay with this. We encourage anonymity here as noted in our guidelines. ... View more

Mmmm I see. I can understand why that would be hard.   It really is tricky. It would be awful to feel ignored like that. At the same time, it is his daughter, and it is important that he maintains a good relationship with her for her own mental health. That is not to say that rules, boundaries and respect aren't important. They are...but it really is tricky in these types of situations - and a lot of your next steps depend on the dynamics of your relationship.   Given that you can't really change his daughter's actions, and because it does seem to be getting to you quite a bit, I'm wondering if thinking about the situation a little differently might help. For instance, the next time the daughter does something that upsets you, try and notice the things that you tell yourself, and then maybe try to challenge some of the unhelpful things. E.g., if you catch yourself saying "she's ignoring me. She hates me. Maybe I've done something wrong." you can challenge it by saying "well, she's a young girl, she's going through her own issues at the moment, there's nothing wrong with me and I'm not going to take it personally."Or you could try telling yourself "well, it is the way it is, all I can do is continue to be diplomatic and hope that things improve." Of course, there's always the option of moving out like you said, but that just depends on how you feel and what you really want.   I thought I'd tag a few other parents to see if they have any insights for you.   @JAKGR8 @compassion @PeteNorthside @sidneysdad @Zayray @Pammy62 @Jac_a_T @Ngaio-RO  ... View more

Hey @Bnee28    Aw, that sounds really tough. It must be hard to hear her saying those things about herself. It's tricky if she doesn't want to take the steps to help herself. I guess one way to approach it would to be to ask why she doesn't want to do it. Once you know why, then you'll know how to approach the situation going forward. For example, it is possible that she doesn't want to do it because she think it is silly and won't help her. If that's the case, then you can educate her on the interplay between one's thoughts, feelings and emotions, and how choosing to focus on the good can make one happier. It might even be a good idea to show her a YouTube video explaining this in lay terms.    One way to motivate others to make changes is by using motivational interviewing techniques. I'd encourage you to do some reading about it and try and apply such techniques with your daughter. It can be tricky to do though as it takes practice, but nevertheless it's worth reading about. I'm wondering if your daughter is seeking professional support at the moment, because in that case, then motivational interviewing is something that the counselor/practitioner can do to try to engage and motivate your daughter. ... View more

Hi @Coops    Firstly, welcome to our forums, and thanks for sharing. It sounds like you're feeling really bothered by your step-daughters lack of acknowledgement of yourself, and feeling quite uncomfortable with her in the home - is that right?   Can you tell us a little bit more about how she isn't acknowledging you? How bad is it? Is there any way to discuss this with her?   These sort of circumstances can be really hard to navigate and I can hear that you are feeling unheard and quite powerless about it all.   It does sound like your step-daughter may be going through a rough time. If you feel comfortable, it might be worth referring her to Kids Helpline so that she can get some support for whatever is going on for her. I'd also encourage you to give Parentline a call so that you can get some support, because it sounds like you're feeling (understandably) quite upset about it all. They are a phone service for parents and carers of children from birth to 18 years old and offer confidential and anonymous counselling and support on parenting issues. The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.  ... View more

Hello @Mommato3  thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you have been through so much and are in a really difficult position. Protecting your family and your career is understandably very important to you.  You sound like a strong, loving and committed parent, and it  must have taken so much strength to deal with the trauma in your past while looking after 3 children.  When something threatens to take these away that must be very confronting and scary to deal with. It sounds like you might benefit from talking to a health professional or a counsellor about your situation. I can see that you're not located in Australia, maybe it would be worth searching online to see if there is a similar service near you that may be able to provide you with more support. Have you and your partner ever had any couple’s counselling? It may also be helpful for the two of you to talk through your situation together with a third party.     ... View more

Hey  @Swolfy, this seems like a very challenging time for you and your husband. It sounds like you really care about her and want to be able to keep her safe. It must have been heartbreaking for you to realise that she wasn't being honest with you   From what you've mentioned it sounds like she has also been through a lot. You might find it useful to keep taking the time to talk with her about what's going on and focusing on all aspects of her life and not just the challenging bits. It might be worth seeing if she would be interested in speaking with a counsellor. I can see that you’re not located in Australia, having a look online at some services near you or a school counsellor if one is available might be useful.    I also think it would be helpful for you to call and speak with a counsellor to get some advice about how to best support her and keep her safe. From what I can see this may be a good place to start. We also have some more resources here on our Reachout Parents around risk taking and teenagers. Please feel free to let us know how you go.  ... View more

Hi @Blue_fire,   I can definitely understand why you would feel so worried about the situation and how your daughter's been, and I'm sorry to hear about your toe, as well! I hope that at least the break is recovering nicely.   I think in situations like this, part of what makes it so hard is like you said, a big part of it is a waiting game - waiting to speak to professionals, waiting to start treatment, but also waiting to see how your daughter is feeling and how she responds to everything because recovery is something that takes a lot of time as well.   It sounds like that you are doing all you can for your daughter at the moment, and that you are doing your best to be there for your other daughter as well.  ... View more

Hey @lovemykidsusa    Firstly, welcome to the forums, and thanks for sharing what's going on for you - it's not an easy thing to do.    Also, you raise a great question/topic, and bring up many great points. Parenting can be a lot of work, and it's a huge responsibility, which can be hard to deal with. It's important that parents take care of themselves as well as their children.   I noticed that you're from the USA, and we are an Australian-based service, so I have limited knowledge about the services in your country. However, in Australia, we have a helpline called "Parentline," where parents can call for support around themselves and parenting. I'm wondering if there is something similar in your area. It might be worth googling "parent helpline" and seeing what comes up. It might also be worth seeing your doctor and getting a referral to a psychologist or mental health practitioner to assist with some of the anxiety and guilt you're experiencing.   How do these ideas sound? ... View more

Hello @itilasha , I am sorry to hear about what your daughter has been going through lately. It sounds like a very difficult situation for you to be in. It is great to hear how supportive you have been of her throughout this. I am sure that your daughter is feeling really grateful to have such caring and involved parents.    It sounds like welcoming a new puppy in to your family was a great idea! The love that your daughter and the puppy share together may help her when she is having trouble coping, which is lovely.   It is really important to stay positive in hard times like these, so I am glad to hear that you have been learning to think positive and stay away from negative thoughts. I am glad to hear that you can see the summit already. I believe that this situation was made possible because of how caring and supportive you are of your daughter! Don't forget to give yourselves credit where it is deserved.  Please feel free to keep us updated   ... View more

Hello @WhiteHeather , welcome to the Parents community! I think it's great you reached out to get some support for yourself and your two sons. It sounds like you have your hands full at times!   I am sorry to hear that you have been having issues with your oldest son taking out his problems on your younger son. That sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. Have you had a chance to discuss with your oldest son why he is doing these things? I'm sure you'll come across other parents here who are going through similar reservations about your kids during their teen and adulthood years.     It is a shame to hear that you are not sure how to reduce your stress. I would have to agree that reading a great book and taking the dog out for a walk can be really relaxing at times (also depends on your dog though  ). It can be easy to forget to look after ourselves when we are looking after others. This is when leaving time in the day/week for self-care is really important. I am not sure if you are already aware, but we offer a free one-on-one support service for parents. Al l of the support sessions are free, confidential and done with a professional . Here is a link to the website if you are interested. ... View more

Hello @jonasnoah , I am sorry to hear about your current situation. It sounds like a very difficult situation to be in. By the sounds of it, you are just trying to do what is best for your children, which is a really great thing. I am not aware of all of the options that you have to block websites, but I am aware that some phones, TV's and other devices have child-block options in their setting menus. This may help to block certain phrases or whole websites that may be considered child "unfriendly". I would recommend looking at the specific device's manual or even looking on the internet for some articles/videos that show how to activate the child block settings.   It might also be a good idea for you to get some further support from a professional around how to discuss this further with your partner and children. By having a search online you can find some parenting helplines that you may want to ring and get some advice from. We are an located in Australia and it looks like you are in another country, so our referrals and resources may not be appropriate. However, you are more than welcome to continue posting here as we have a wonderful community.   I have had a brief look on the internet for some parents helplines  and found a website that should be helpful for you. I even found an article called "generation porn" from that website that sounds really informative and helpful for you. I would recommend having a look and seeing if they can support you a bit more through your current situation. Please feel free to keep us updated.   ... View more

Hey @mamaromi    Welcome to ReachOut   I see what you mean. It's good that you've been able to notice their posture and that you have taken them to see a doctor. It sounds like you are a very caring parent!   You could be right...perhaps their posture is impacted by their sedentary lifestyle. Although, I'm not too sure. Our forum is meant for parents of teens with mental health concerns, not so much about physical health concerns such as one's posture.   It might be worth booking in your children to see a physiotherapist, chiropractor or osteotherapist.Your doctor might be able to tell you more about these types of professionals and even refer you to one in your area. ... View more