Hi @Mward it's great that you've reached out on the forums. It sounds like a confusing situation for you. Here are a few resources you may find helpful:   https://au.reachout.com/identity-and-gender/gender   https://parents.au.reachout.com/skills-to-build/wellbeing/gender-and-teenagers   You may also find it helpful to call parentline (1300 30 1300) for further support with this. ... View more

Hey @Lanny81    Welcome to the forums.  It must be very worrying to find your daughter in such an seemingly unhealthy relationship.  It sounds like she's in a tough place, and it's tough for you because even though you know things aren't ok, she won't open up to you currently.  However, being there consistently an an open outlet of supportive for her is very important to maintain right now.  She may come to you if/when she's ready.     Have you tried speaking to a counsellor about this.  I think you're from the UK,  so here is a link to phone counselling service to help in these scenarios.  We are here for you too  ... View more

Hey @pinetruth ,   That must have hard for you to find your son had been smoking marijuana.  It'd be difficult to know what to do and how to communicate this dilemma with your son.  What's certain is that although this behaviour is concerning, it is not uncommon.   It sounds like you performed the first part correct by placing boundaries in your home.  The next step is to have a talk with your son.  Here is a link to a good resource.  Hope it helps. ... View more

Hi @Nay103 thanks so much for sharing with us. It sounds like that's a really difficult situation and you're trying your best as a parent. I understand it must be difficult to do this as a single parent. I would feel similarly worried if my child was using drugs at that age and it makes sense to want to separate your son from this group. I think you're going about it in a tactful way by still allowing him to see them but encouraging him to make new friends in these sporting groups. It sounds like you've put lots of thought into how to best handle this, but it makes sense to want extra support. If you're from Australia and want some extra support I would recommend that you call ParentLine. They offer free and confidential counselling and support to parents and carers on any parenting issues they may be facing. The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.  I've tagged some parents who regularly use this forum as they usually provide great support to our users. @PapaBill @JAKGR8 @compassion @sunflowermom @JohnT @Maruko    Please keep us updated on how things go  ... View more

Hi @NocturnalShutin,   I'm so sorry your son has been speaking to you this way, it sounds very disrespectful. I think it is completely reasonable that your son contributes to household work, including cooking, and there is nothing wrong with you expecting this. Moreover, it may teach him good skills and values when it comes to co-habiting with housemates or partners in the future. Does he face consequences for not contributing to housework or speaking to you that way? If you want to talk it over on the phone the Parentline for your state might be a good resource (just google the words Parentline with the state you live in).   Tom ... View more

Hi @starheartfish    Welcome to Reach-Out and thanks so much for sharing what's going on for you.    It must've been really hard to watch your son in pain after his accident/ surgeries. It sounds like you're really worried about him becoming addicted to his pain medication. It's good that your such a proactive parent and it's clear that you really care about your son, which is great.    From my personal experience, doctors are usually careful when prescribing these sorts of medications, and are very cautious about patients becoming addicted, so I'd surprised if they were prescribing medications too often or for too long unnecessarily. But I understand your concerns - it would be uncomfortable to watch your son "off his head" all the time, and I think it's only natural to become worried about potential addiction.    I'd really encourage you to speak to the prescribing doctor about your concerns. Do you think you would feel comfortable doing this? It might also be good to get a second opinion from another medical professional who knows your son/ his condition.    Also,  just thought I'd let you know that I moved your thread to the "concerned about my teen" section as it was posted in the incorrect section. I also had to edit out some descriptive content as it might be distressing for some readers. We have a set of guidelines that we ask users to follow, which can be found here.    Thanks again for sharing  ... View more

Hey @Veronica    Thanks for sharing  It sounds like you're feeling really unappreciated at the moment, which must be so difficult when you put so much effort into running the household. It must be a real struggle to not have your husband's support and to feel like you're parenting all by yourself.  Have you voiced your concerns with him?    Good on you for seeking professional support - it often can be really hard to take that step. How many times have you seen the professional? Is there a reason why you don't find it helpful? Sometimes it does take a while to find a professional that is the right fit for you. If in the near future you feel like you're needing support, I'd encourage you to call Parentline if you're in Australia, as they offer free and counselling for parenting issues. The number for Parentline differs per state, so scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.    It sounds like you're looking for peer support so I thought I would tag some regular, helpful users here for you: @JAKGR8 @sidneysdad @sunflowermom @MumofTwo2020 @Keddie @Seeker @Faob_1 @compassion @PapaBill @melinee @ELLEJAY1982 @Maruko @JohnT      ... View more

Hey @Mumofteenboys    Thanks for sharing and welcome to the forums!    I can't say that I've been in your situation but I definitely understand your concerns. I think a lot of parents worry about their children slipping away when they reach adolescence and become a bit more independent. I can only imagine that feeling would be magnified in shared-custody situations, especially if the children demonstrate more interest in staying with the other parent. So I do really feel for you and understand and would be equally upset. I'm unsure whether this is a regular occurrence, but it does make sense that boys might want to spend more time with their dad, especially if they share similar interests... but I'm not too sure.  This could also be happening because the younger brother wants to be with the older brother.    You mention having a strong relationship with your sons, so i'd just trust in that and I'm sure that in time, they will come around and start looking for you more. Generally speaking, children do notice when their parents care/love them, and so if you continue to provide them with love and care then chances are they'll appreciate that - maybe not so much during adolescence - but perhaps more-so as they get older.    You also have to remember that they are young so I guess to some extent you will have to "model" the sort of relationship you would like to have with them. So if that means speaking to them daily, then I'd encourage you to ring them daily. My mum calls me daily, and she has initiated that my whole life... sometimes I call her first but it is often her.    Again, thanks for sharing. I think many parents would benefit from this topic.  I thought I'd tag some parents here who may be able to relate to you or offer you some support.  @taokat @Lily17 @lizard0812 @Murgatroyd@tenacious_dad @Mitzi @LovingThruBlue @Caz01  ... View more

Hey @thomaswomas    Welcome to the ReachOut community, and thank you so much for sharing.    I just thought I'd say I really understand where you're coming from, and I think if I were in your position, I'd be concerned too. You're right in that, generally speaking, you shouldn't reward a child that is throwing a tantrum as they learn that that behaviour gets them what they want, so they'll keep doing it. So you're concerns are definitely legitimate as also evidenced by the health visitor who echoed your thoughts.     I understand that your wife wants the best for your son, and it definitely sounds like she wants to make him happy, which is great. But, it sounds like you aren't feeling heard or listened to, which seems like one of the main problems here. You and your wife had the child together, and it's important that she listens to you and respects your parenting style as well, especially if health professionals support what you're saying. If I were you I'd bring this up with my wife and just explain to her that you're feeling unheard, that you have had this child together, and that you deserve to take part in how your son is parented. It might be an idea to come to some sort of compromise. It might also be worth engaging in couples counselling to aid this discussion/compromise.    I have tagged some of our most regular users here for their amazing support and insights!    @JAKGR8  @sunflowermom @sidneysdad @MumofTwo2020 @Faob_1 @PapaBill @compassion      ... View more

Hey @sidneysdad    Welcome to the forums. We are glad to have you.   A separation would not be easy, so we're happy you are reaching out for support. It's wonderful to hear that you have such an amazing relationship with your son - it must make things a lot easier.    If you ever want to talk about any concerns regarding your child or anything about parenting in more detail, feel free to start a thread here or here.  ... View more

Hey @melinee    Our pleasure. We're glad you found it helpful.    It's great that you've found a mode of communication (text) where he listens/ is more receptive / argues less. Hopefully the traineeship will be good for him. Keep us updated.   I have tagged some parents who may be able to discuss their experiences here: @blondemum @mamimu @saphyra @DavidThomson @Dot000 @Island @Choc0l8.    ... View more

Hey @Jojobatty    Thanks for sharing and good on you for bringing up a well-behaved son    It's great that you've recognized this as an issue all on your own. I think it is common to have some worry when one's child start venturing out, but if you find that it's excessive then it might be worth chatting a professional about it.  Parentline offer free and confidential telephone counselling and support to parents and carers on any parenting issues they may be facing. If you're interested in calling then scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number is appropriate for your state (the number differs per state).    I think speaking to a professional could be beneficial in terms of learning how to manage your worry. Simple things like changing your pattern of thoughts can be useful. For instance, next time it gets to 11pm and you think "oh no - insert worst case scenario-" you could try telling yourself "No, i'm not going to worry. If something bad has happened I'm sure I would have heard about it by now. He'll be home soon." Sometimes restricting your worry to a certain time frame can help too. So telling yourself I can only worry between 10 and 10.30 but not anytime before/after.    It might also be worth telling your son about how you worry so that he understands why you call so often. I'm guessing you've already done that though? ... View more

Hi Martin19,   That sounds like a really stressful and risky situation. While I cannot give advice on long-term management, I would always advise to call emergency services whenever you or anyone in the house feels at risk. I wonder whether it might also be worthwhile consulting with police about any other management strategies/how to respond in the moment if he is violent?   Regards, Tom ... View more

Hi @mugs1170    I responded to you in your other thread here. I'm not exactly sure what you mean by crises but if you are worried that she might harm herself then please contact emergency services, otherwise my other post details some service options for you. It sounds like your daughter has lost hope so it might be worth trying to instill hope in her. Perhaps tell her about your own mental health journey and how you've learned to deal with and manage your distress over time? ... View more

Hi @mugs1170    If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean when you say your daughter is showing suicidal tendencies. Is she self-harming? Or having thoughts of suicide?   You mentioned money is a bit tight at the moment so I wanted to make you aware of free counselling services that may be suitable for your daughter. We have an "urgent help" page here on our Youth forum. All of these services operate 24/7 and provide free counselling to Australians. I'd encourage you to encourage your daughter to make contact with one of these services if she's feeling quite distressed.   You mentioned having mental health issues yourself so it's important that you're also seeking the right support. The services I linked for your daughter are also suitable for you. The helpline ParentLine is also a good option as they provide free and confidential counselling and support on any parenting issues. The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.    Some universities also offer low-cost counselling options, so it might be worth checking our some of the universities in your area. It might also be an idea to search for bulk-billing psychologists in your area, that way you can get 10 free sessions for the year (You'll need to book in with your GP to get a mental health care plan to access those 10 free sessions though). If you're interested in this option, it might be a good idea to start by seeing whether there's a Headspace Centre near you as I believe they specialize in youth mental health and a bulk-bill. Check out their website for more information here.  ... View more

Hey @Needthemanual    Thanks for joining the forums and thanks for sharing.    It sounds like you're in bit of a conundrum... and understandably. It's a tricky situation to be in.   I guess there are a lot of things to consider. How long has your daughter had these online friends for? Do they catch up in person? Can you see their friendship lasting? Has she made any friends at her current school? If she were to go back to her local school, and decide it wasn't for her, would it be hard to switch back to the independent school?    I do think having a good friendship circle is important, and I can understand why she wants to change schools to be with her friends. However, I can see how you're concerned about her academically and what her mind state would be like if these friendships were to fall apart.    Some things that might aid your decision: - It might be an idea to meet these friends of hers to gauge whether you can see the friendships lasting or not.  - See what your daughter might be interested in doing after high-school. Does she want to attend university? How important are her grades for her future goal (if she has one)? - If you haven't done so already, it might be a good idea to book in a psychologist appointment for your daughter. That way the psychologist can give you their opinion on the situation, but also support your daughter with her depression.    It's hard as a parent/adult, because we know that friendships can be fleeting, particularly in adolescence. We've been there before and we've seen how friendships come and go. Unfortunately however, when you're an adolescent, friendships are so important, and "fitting in" is so important, and I can understand why your daughter might be prioritizing that over her schooling. Therefore, it might be hard to reason with her about staying at the independent school, and a professional might be able to help you navigate this situation with her.    A really good, free, resource for parents is Parentline. They offer free and confidential counselling and support to parents on any parenting issues they may be facing. The number for Parentline differs per state. If you're interested in calling them, then scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call. ... View more

Hi @Ankion_20    Thanks for joining ReachOut!   Eeek. Sounds like your in a bit of a pickle. I can see why you'd be uncomfortable with the idea of your son visiting his mates, especially because they live 6 hours away by public transport. It's definitely not a trip around the corner, is it?   I'm wondering whether you've communicated your concerns to your son, and if so, what has he said?    Have you asked where he will be staying and whether there will be parental supervision? ... View more

Hey @Ocean1970 and welcome to the ReachOut Parent forums .    It can be hard when we see our teens struggling to make/ keep friends. A lot of parents experience and are concerned by this issue. In fact, we had a child/family professional answer the question "What can I do when my teen has no friends?" here which may be worth reading for you.    It sounds like your daughter is worried about people disliking her, so it might be a good idea to get her professional help. A professional can help her in two ways - they can help her cope with these feelings of worry and provide social-skills training to aid friendship making if necessary. We have an article on how to get teenagers help here.    A really good resource for parents in your situation (if you're from Australia) is Parentline, as they offer free and confidential counselling and support to parents and carers on any parenting issues they may be facing. They may be able to help you with your daughter’s situation, support you, and also refer you to any useful services in your area. Parenting can be stressful, so it's important you look after yourself too  . The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.  ... View more

Hey @Tarnya    Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post    I'm so sorry to read about your daughter.  It sounds like she is really struggling at the moment.  As a parent it must be incredibly distressing for you .  Bringing her to a GP as soon as possible sounds like a very good idea; if the natural remedies have not helped then medication may help reduce her distress.  Have you spoken to her about how she is feeling and/or if the psychologist sessions have helped?  Have you spoken to the psychologist about how she is going?  These may help offer some guidance into some of the things contributing to her distress.    If she needs extra support perhaps consider linking her with a school counsellor.  Additionally, you might consider encouraging her to call Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800.  They have trained counsellors to offer support for your daughter.  Gathering as much support as possible is important during this period.  If you need support yourself please contact Parentline on 1300 365 859.  Both services have trained counsellors ready to listen.   We are here for you too  ... View more

Hey @DollyMum ,   Welcome to the forums  .  It sounds like you have a good understanding of your child's temperament and personality.  Certainly children (like adults) have different personalities and thus some may have more sensitive than others.  Seems like you remaining calm is very helpful for your boy   We cannot offer specific advice regarding books etc.  However you mentioned the 'authoritative' parenting style.  If you research books regarding parenting styles you may find something that meets your needs  ... View more

Hey @mrcrazylady    I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Reading your post actually made me feel a little sad. We put so much time & effort into our children, and I can't even imagine having to "lose" one of them like you have.   You mentioned completely "backing off" which seems like the right thing to do. Even though its hard, sometimes you have to just let people go, and just hope that they come back. I think its particularly good to let go if the interactions with your eldest child have become mostly negative, because such interactions definitely wont help the situation. It might be an idea to sort of separate from the situation for a year or two, and reconnect with them in a positive way when you're a bit more "detached" from the situation.   I think if you want to maximize the chances of your child returning or opening up to you again, then it's important to communicate with them in a leveled and caring way, and remind them how important they are to you, how much you care for them, and support them even if you disagree with their decisions. The reason I say this is because if you engage positively, then it maximizes the chances of your child coming back to you (talking again etc.).  And if his wife is the narcissistic person that you say she is, then if your child ever finds the courage to reach out or break away from their wife, then it is likely you'll be the person they contact. It also means that if your child's wife is speaking badly about you and trying to turn your child against you, that your child may be able to recognize that she is incorrect, and not fall into her trap. By the way this is not to make you feel bad about your recent "nasty" behaviour - at the end of the day we are only human, we get hurt, and sometimes our emotions get the better of us and we act in ways we regret. That's okay. At this point, I guess it is also important for me to say that your mental health is important, and if engaging with your child is having a negative impact on you, then it is okay for you to distance yourself. You shouldn't have to engage with them in a way that is uncomfortable to you.    So to reiterate - I think it's good that you are giving your child some space. If they do contact you before you contact them, then it might be a good idea to tell them how much you miss them and care for them. If you don't hear from them, then maybe you can reach out in a few years if you want to reconnect. All you can do it try. And of course, all of this is up to you. I am just offering some suggestions, but in no way are telling you what you should or shouldn't do. At the end of the day, you know the situation best, and you know what works for you best.    Also, regarding your child's decision to become gender fluid, and your concern over it not being being their own decision - I guess it's hard to say for sure why they decided this, and it's probably best to avoid guessing.  Their wife may have pressured your child into it, but it's also completely possible that it is 100% a decision of their own. I'm not sure whether you've expressed this concern to your child (about it not being their decision), but if you do make contact in the future, it's probably best to avoid saying this, as I can't see it positively influencing your relationship.   I guess all of the above is just my opinion based on what you've told me so far. It might be an idea to seek professional support, as what you're going through is definitely not easy. It sounds like you really care about your son and have given him your all, and as a parent, that's all you can really do. Try and be easy on yourself over the holidays, take some time out for yourself, and do some things you enjoy.    Also - just a side note. I noticed you said that you sometimes feel homicidally angry or suicidally depressed? i need to ask whether you truly mean this or if it's simply a figure of speech?    Lastly, given the length of your initial post, I have moved it to the "concerned about my teen" section of our forums, and it is now it's own thread. This should increase the amount of support you receive.    Again, please look after yourself. And thank you so much for sharing  - it was very courageous of you to speak so openly and honestly with all of us on the forums.    ... View more

Hey @inteenhell    Thanks for much for joining ReachOut and sharing what's going on for you. If you're after some support from people going through similar things like you said, then you've definitely come to the right place.    Have you had a chance to go through our forum? If not, I'd encourage you to create a more detaied thread about what's going on for you in the "everyday parenting" or "concerned about my teen" sections of our forum, as these sections are often used for parents to vent and seek advice. I'd also encourage you to check out the "ask a child and family professional" section, where we have professionals answer a whole range of common questions parents have, as the answers a quite informative and may be of use to you too    It sounds like you're going through a hard time with your boys. Puberty/ early adolescence can be a tricky age. Parenting can be stressful, so it's important you seek the right support . A really good resource for parents in your situation is Parentline, as they offer free and confidential counselling and support to parents on any parenting issues they may be facing. They may be able to help you navigate this situation with your two boys, support you, and also refer you to any useful services in your area. The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.      ... View more

Hey @Hugo2019    Thanks for your response. It's hard to say with any certainty whether you should change psychiatrists.   If you don't mind me asking - what is stopping you from using CAMHS? Are you worried that they might not specialise in adolescent mental health?   Are you worried it will interrupt your son's recovery because he may have already bonded with the private psychiatrist?   Do you really like the private psychiatrist, and you're worried mental health clinicians at CAMHS won't be as good?   Like @Taylor-RO suggested, it might be a good idea to  gain more information about CAMHS to assist in your decision making. It might even be helpful to meet some of the mental health clinicians, and meet the psychiatrist in particular, to see if they'd be a good fit for your son. Also, it might be an idea to ask your son for his opinion in this situation too, such as whether he'd be willing to change psychiatrists, etc.  ... View more

Hey @Mommaofone    Thanks for sharing what's going on for you. Just so you know, I have moved your post to the "everyday parenting" section of the forums, and it is now it's own thread. Where you posted before is where new users answer a set of questions to introduce themselves. I made this it's own thread because you've described an issue you're having, and doing so would increase the amount of support you receive from community. I hope you don't mind.    I can see why your daughter's boyfriend's parent's actions would be frustrating you. It seems as though they are being unjust, or favoring their other children? Is your daughter and her boyfriend also upset about it?    Do we know why he might getting the "short end of every stick" like you said? ... View more

Hi @chippy    Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I'm sure many users on the forum will benefit from a discussion like this. You sound like a beautiful mum who really wants the best for their child.    If you don't mind me asking, how long have you and his father been separated? From your past posts, it doesn't sound like you and his father separated recently, but if you have, sometimes an event like that can stress the child and impact their behaviour.    Also, it sounds like your son may be around the age where hormones start running wild, which could explain changes in his mood and behaviour.   Teenage years are generally quite a vulnerable time, with lots going on, lots to adjust to, and lots to figure out about themselves.  Many teenagers are tackling issues around low self-esteem, peer-pressure, wanting to fit in and be accepted, and so on. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is hard to determine what might be causing this change in your son's mood/ behaviour. It's likely a combination of things. The best way might be to ask him directly if you haven't already.    A really good resource for parents in your situation (if you're from Australia) is Parentline, as they offer free and confidential counselling and support to parents and carers on any parenting issues they may be facing. They may be able to help you navigate this situation with your son, support you, and also refer you to any useful services in your area. Parenting can be stressful, so it's important you look after yourself in this situation too  .    The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.  ... View more

Hey @Fullhouse    This is a very courageous and insightful post .  It is understandable that you are not comfortable with your adult son bringing random girls home as it conflicts with your values.  It can be difficult to know what 'normal' is these days and it moves so quickly.     Being 18 yo is certainly a time of self-discovery.  Your son is becoming increasingly exposed to casual relationships, alcohol, and drugs.  He is also gradually transitioning into adulthood so it can be a challenging time for him.  It doesn't make it any easier as a parent.  If you would like to talk to someone, please try Parentline on 1300 365 859. They are open 7 days per week from 8am-10pm (QLD time).  They have trained counsellors ready to listen to you.     I will say that it sounds like you have a great relationship with your boys given they are so open with you.  I think that is a testament to your parenting    Please continue to reach out, we are here to support you  ... View more

Hey @Lovingmom0812    Welcome to the forum .  Thank you so much for your post.  I'm sure this issue is something that many parents and step-parents go through so thank you for bringing this up.  It definitely sounds like a tricky situation and I think @JAKGR8 has provided you with some pretty good tips.   I would encourage you to have an open conversation with your husband and hopefully find a middle ground.  As you said, bonding with your children is really important and it won't be long until they grow up, so its important for him to know you feel this way.  Thanks again for your post and keep us updated. ... View more