Hey @PotatoCake welcome to the ReachOut Parent Forums,  I'm really sorry to hear that you have been struggling with the relationship your son is in, and it is totally normal to be concerned as a parent. It is good to hear that you and your son have a very trusting and supportive relationship, in which he feels comfortable telling you about the situation he is in.  It might be helpful to talk to your son about what he can do if his girlfriend puts him in a situation where he feels uncomfortable, particularly if that situation regards sex. ParentLine might be a useful resource to call,  as they are counsellors which specialise in providing support to parents about numerous issues, their number in WA is 1800 654 432. You could also encourage your son to talk to a school counsellor about the situation as well, or he can call kids helpline as a teenager, or young adult depending on his age.   - Andrea I'll also tag some other users of the forum so you can get some feedback from other parents :) -  @Dad4good @sunflowermom @Maria @hippychick ... View more

Hey @Maria, welcome to ReachOut :)    I can see from your post that you're pretty distressed about your daughter and her relationship with school, particularly regarding her anxiety and lack of attendance.  ReachOut have some articles on the topic, this article looks at a student's experience with managing her anxiety at high school, and another looks at understanding teenage anxiety for their parents'. Just wanted to let you know that the resources are Australian based but I hope they will still be useful.   Some other adults on the forum might have some more advice so I'll just tag them here :) @ FreakedOut @hippychick @Schooner @sunflowermom   - Andrea ... View more

Hi @Marty1,   It must be heartbreaking for you watching your son go through this. Does he have a school counsellor or a trusted teacher that he can talk to? It sounds like he is very comfortable opening up to you, which is great! The teenage years can be up and down as they try to build their identity and find their place in the world. Friendships can quickly come and go too, so a stable homelife/parent he can talk to is so important!   Do you also have some support around you and people you can talk to about this?   - Hayley R/O ... View more

Hi @CriersCottage,   It certainly sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment! I'm happy to hear your daughter is linked in with professional support, it can take time to see changes with this so I understand your frustration. It is a very hard time for her too with hormonal shifts, developing an identity as a young woman and trying to find her place in the world.   Does your son have any professional support? Is he working or studying?   And lastly but probably most importantly, do you have anyone you speak to about all this? Professionals, friends, family? It sounds like you really need some emotional support and also maybe some guidance. Have you ever spoken to ParentLine? Here is some information on them and their number depending on where you are in Australia.   Are you exercising much self care? It's important to make sure you get some time to yourself where possible - baths, walks, reading, meditations etc. are all really good. Keep us in the loop! You don't have to carry all of this alone.   - Hayley R/O ... View more

Hi @beepbeep thank you for sharing and reaching out to us. I'm sorry to hear that you've things haven't been going too well. It sounds like you are trying really hard to connect with her and offer her support. What's been working well between you and your daughter so far?   I'm also wondering how you are looking after yourself during this difficult time? It's important to practice some self-care to make sure that you're getting through this too. We are here to listen and support you. I'll tag some of our members for further support and advice @taokat @sunflowermom @hippychick @Caz01 ... View more

@Concerned2019 That's really sad to hear that you and your family are struggling to sleep as a result. It sounds like everyone is being impacted. Even though this girl seems to have a negative impact on your daughter, it's really good that she tells you what's happening and you're doing everything you can to be there for her and support her.    ... View more

Hi @Laura83   It seems like you and your son have both been through a lot and you are quite vigilant which is good and now he is more aware of his safety from that experience.    Thanks for your input.      ... View more

Hi @Concerned2019  Welcome to the forums.    I can see your concern and care for your daughter going through this peer pressure right now and it must've been so hard for you to find out she was self harming. It sounds like you're really supportive and loving and I'm sure she can see that and at that age sometimes that's all they need is to know that you're there for them no matter what. Have you thought about getting a counsellor to support your daughter as well?    I'm going to tag some parents on here so they can support you and provide some advice as well @Schooner   @compassion   @sunflowermom   @taokat   ... View more

Hi @lizard0812 I can hear that apart from the concern for your son you are really struggling yourself. Do you and you partner have some supports?  I would really recommend calling a helpline such as Mensline (1300 789 978) or Parentline for some emotional support. Mensline is a  free and confidential line, staffed by qualified counsellors   24/7 . They could be a great addition for support alongside our forum.    -Lina/RO   @Schooner    ... View more

Hi @StanMan it is very tricky being a parent especially when it comes to setting boundaries however it is important to implement some rules around screen time.  It can be helpful to reward good behaviour with screen time. It sounds like you are trying to find a balance and worry about being to strict on your children, it may be helpful to sit down with both your children and discuss some boundaries which are fair although still ensure there are restrictions in place. I wish you all the best with everything. ... View more

Hi @Bedtimetuff Welcome to the ReachOut Parent's forum!    Bedtime can be so frustrating for parents!  How long has your son being having problems with getting to bed? Has there been any changes recently to his routine or any thing you can think of that is making him not want to go to bed?    It may even be helpful to give Parentline a try on 1300 30 1300. Their website also has helpful support/information for children of any age, whereas ReachOut is aimed at teenagers.    Stay in touch. -Lina/RO ... View more

@Troubled75 Its great the he is going fishing with a friend. It sounds like there is something that he still enjoys and as you said, it can be very therapeutic. Hopefully he is able to reach out to this friend he goes fishing with as well, if not, that sense of connection can still be very meaningful! At 14 years old, big emotions must be terrifying for him especially not knowing what to do with those emotions. Have you considered family counselling for you and your son? Or even individual counselling for yourself? One-on-one counselling could help you to develop some strategies for ways around how you can support your son. ... View more

Hi @Ninni Balancing boundaries and freedom can be incredibly difficult. It sounds like you have been doing your best to be a good parent despite her pushing back against you. The fact that you have spoken to CPS and have sought counselling in regards to how to help her shows just how much you want to do the right thing for her. It must also be quite scary thinking about her moving out when you don't feel she is ready for it. It definitely sounds like supporting her has been taking a huge toll on your own mental health. It's important you are getting the right support for yourself, not only for your own well being but so you are in a better place to support her too. I'm wondering if you have tried parentline for some advice on what to do in this situation? Please do continue to seek support from the forum, perhaps other parents have had similar experiences here?  @taokat @sunflowermom @Orbit64   Savannah- RO   ... View more

Hi @sunflowermom   Happy to hear your daughter made it through her first day of school! How was that for you?   Life sometimes gets in the way of focusing on certain relationships, but being aware is the first step on putting focus and time back on that relationship.Glad to hear your practicing self care, what are some things you find helpful in taking care of yourself?  ... View more

Hi @Free2B   I first just wanted to welcome you to the forum. It sounds like there's a few stressful things going on. What were some of the specifics of what's happened there? As in, what led to the exclusion, who are we talking about and what is the risk about? I think you'll get some good advice and support here. I hope you can fill us in more. Keep us posted.    Kylie RO ... View more

Hi @Help_needed, I'm sorry to hear your daughter has been struggling with this at her school.   It's sounds like a tough situation that you are in as it seems you are wanting to be there to support your daughter and how she is feeling but struggling with how to balance addressing this with the school as you are unable to discuss the peer issues with the school.   There is an online resource called E safety which specifically works with young people who are experiencing issues with peers online. The E-Safety Commissioner is responsible for promoting online safety for all young people. This may be a resource to check out, the link to their website is: https://www.esafety.gov.au/   I hope this is helpful for you.  ... View more

Hi @Sallyanne   Firstly, welcome to the Parents Forum. It sounds like you're juggling quite a lot and have some real concerns. I gather you must be feeling like the weight of it all  is on your shoulers to deal with your son.   I would wonder if it would be worth have a bit more of a detailed discussion with your husband about these concerns. I realsie that you have outlined he has been fairly hands off and it might be hard to communicate. If possible, it would be ideal to attempt to get on the same page to at least have your concerns heard. From there, maybe a plan could grow. If you have more of an idea about what exactly you would like to see from him to help, then that could be a start. So what does discapline look like for example and how can you both agree on what that might be.    As for your son, it does sound concerning and a bit of a chat about values, career and consequnces of criminal behaviour would be worth having. This would be very tough because of the emotions involved. I know it's asking the impossible, but try and park the strong emotions you are naturally feeling. The goal at this stage if for him to keep an open line of communication with you. He is likely going to shut down and hide more from you if he feels like he's going to get in even more trouble. Listening doesn't have to mean you are agreeing with his choices. Maybe have a chat to him about why you felt so strong and get him to maybe empathise a bit with why it's only natural that you would be so upset. Then attempt to understand his logic.    Talking about rules, logic and consequential thinking is the goal BUT not until the relationship is repaired. Please know you have our support and no doubt others will share their thoughts and experiences so I'm really glad you were able to take the time to share with us. Don't forget about you in all of this and get some respite by talking to some trusted friends or simply taking some time out where you don't have to be thinking about all of this.    Good luck and keep us posted,   Kylie RO     ... View more

Hi @Marklin, sounds like this has been quite an uncomfortable time for you. Understandably, these topics are really hard to face when it comes to our own children. Ultimately, there is no harm in confirming with the girlfriend's parents about what the arrangements are. This is particularly important if it is going to provide some comfort and reassurance that your son is in good hands. As @Zoesplace has mentioned, it is important to consider legality surrounding age of consent. Also as mentioned, stopping them from sharing a bed won't necessarily prevent sex. This might be a worthwhile consideration in case you decide to talk to your son, his girlfriend and her parents about this. Good luck and let us know how you go! ... View more

Hi @123ooo and a big welcome to the forums. Sounds like a really intense and painful situation for the mother and the teenager and things are really escalating. I hear how serious this whole situation is. Can I ask if you are a friend to the mother? I can hear you really care about her.  I can imagine the mother must be feeling completely exhausted and overwhelmed having to manage her daughter, work, provide, protect as well as look after herself. Do you think the mother would be open to trying the online coaching available through reachout? The hard part in these situations is sometimes the child/teenager is not in a place or is not willing to access support so the best thing a parent can do is focus on making sure they have their own supports in place so they can try different strategies and approaches. I’ve attached the link here if you would like to pass it on to the mother. Another great service is Parentline on 1300 30 1300. The mother can talk about the specifics of the situation and get some support around the issues she is dealing with.  The fact that the teenager has withdrawn and is blocking the world out shows that she is struggling and is hurting too and in the storm of this all- it's important to remember that as hard as that can be. Acknowledging someone else’s pain can help us to manage our own feelings.  I’ll tag some users in the forum who might be able to jump in and share their thoughts and experiences @Sister @taokat @sunflowermom  ... View more

Hi @td2018   Thanks for posting. First I just want to say that I really do feel for you and your family. This is such a hard situation almsot like you're walking on eggshels to try and find the right action and figure this out. What you've done so far is absolutely wonderful because you've gotten as much support as you can on deck. Now like you say, you're in limbo waiting for the next steps. It's very tricky but I understand what you're saying that for now, it's a case of picking your battles carefully. In saying that, it's ok to have boundaries where you feel there needs to be. This is a lot easier said than done, but try to be aware if you're being emotionally manipulated and it's really ok to be firm. It's a tough balance to be supportive but also have rules that cannot be broken (for everyones safety).    As far as managing yourselves as a family this is also a tough one. I would say this: as long as your son can agree to keep safe and you have a safety plan with him then try to step back and give yourselves some breathing space. Try to share the load and again, if you feel manipulated, be aware and step back from this. This is just a few ideas but it's not exhaustive....you will get more ideas and support here so keep us in the loop. Do take care! ... View more

Hi @iloveyoueva Thanks for posting. This must be really difficult to navigate especially now that, as you say, you know more about what's going on for your daughter. The issue now of course is how to move forward. The first thing I would be thinking is how safe is your daughter in terms of ab actual plan to take her life or is it ideation without intention. It sounds like it is ideation without intention but for your piece of mind it won't hurt to check in with her now and again to see if she's feeling safe. You should have had some advice around this from the health care professionals (?).   In terms of rules that's a tricky one. Maybe it would be good to think about some non negotiables to begin with (such as curphews and drug taking etc) whatever it is that you believe are lines that should not be crossed. Then you can talk more about what rules (and rewards?) can be created together. I think this could be a good exersice to communicate openly about what are your shared expectations. She may have some ideas on what good rules for herself are and where you can affort to give a little bit of freedom (where she has earned it). She may need a bit of prompting to open up with you starting the dialogue if she's closed off. When doing this I would suggest to try and not make it a big stressful task but try and do it casually maybe while having some snacks and a tea/coffee/softdrink!    In any care it sounds like you're processing some pretty heavy new information that you've learned about your daughter, so you might need to think about allowing yourself some time and space to let this settle a bit. I'm really glad you've posted here for this reason because you will get some new ideas and support around this. I can hear how worried you are and how much you care which I really respect. Just don't forget about yourself in all this too. ... View more

Hi @Jo-Anne   Thanks for sharing and I hope you get some insight from the community on these issues which really sound confronting. I’m so sorry to hear that she has been putting you down and blaming you for all of this. I don’t want you to feel alone and again this is why I’m glad you’ve shared this.   With regards to the self-harming I actually think it’s worth building a relationship with your daughter’s psychologist to work together to perhaps have a safety plan? This might include ideas around harm minimisation etc. so having ways to relive distress, that are less likely to cause physical damage which may even happen accidentally. As far as her friend it’s really hard to stop friendships, but you can look into having rules and boundaries around when they see each other and having parental supervision where possible. The old saying sticks here, which is “pick your battles”. Really her safety and well being are compromised and that would come first before other issues I would say. This is also true for you and I know it's really hard. It sounds like you need some support to feel empowered to enforce boundaries with your daughter and to actually have capacity to look after yourself throughout this. I'm not sure if you have a counsellor yourself or could arrange this?    Also just a reminder and at risk of sounding repetitive, (it’s just small point to address) we have to keep specifics of self-harming out of posts. I know the guidelines were posted earlier but I’ll pop them here again anyway. ... View more

Hi @Moonlight how did you find the Psychologist? Would you consider going more regularly during this period with your Daughter? ... View more

Hi @specialneedsdad welcome to the RO community! We're glad you're hear and sharing your story with us (please note I did edit your post - I removed your identifying details - for more info please see our forum guidelines here).   We'd love to know a little more about about you - if you're up for it, here's some Qs for you: 1. What's your number one way to relax? 2. What was the worst and then the best parenting advice you've got? 3. Do you have a random fact that you could share with us? ... View more

Hi @Soundbite please don't think it's ridiculous, if it's worrying you and you feel you need some support in how to deal with it then it's important.   I wonder if it's worth having a general conversation with your son about the relationship and even what does he think a good relationship "looks like" (friendship, trust, respect, compassion, good communication etc)?    That way you may be able to gauge he's social and emotional development; see if he's feeling any pressure or has any questions. ... View more

I'm really glad you've all been supporting each other @sunflowermom @Jakehelp @Moonlight.   I think sometimes when we're caring for others we can forget that we also need to take care of ourselves because:     so just make sure you are putting some self-care strategies into your every day and seeking professional mental health support when you need it  ... View more

Hey @reallyhartbreak and a big welcome to the forums. This sounds an extremely complicated situation with lots of adults and children involved. It seems like there are like of complex dynamics here and a lot of unknowns as well. I think when you asked about not reporting the bully or removing the child from the school- I find in these situations that there is a lot that happens that go into people making a decision that we might not know about. Does your friend or her child have support? as this would be a very overwhelming situation for everyone involved. Also I’ll tag some other members who might be able to offer some support @taokat @Zoesplace @Chalke5 ... View more

Hi @Tardis and a big welcome to the forums. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story with everyone. What comes across so clearly is the love, care and concern you have your son. It sounds like you have been so patient in supporting him. While your son is obviously intelligent and academically gifted, part of me was wondering if your son can actually see how much his anxiety is impacting his life? Does he recognise that it’s anxiety? Is he willing to learn other ways to manage his stress, thoughts, worries? It must be really difficult for him to be completely consumed by the fear that something could go wrong. Can I ask what’s his biggest fear about therapy? It sounds like his experiences in the past have really caused him to doubt the process.   I was also wondering what support you have for yourself as I can imagine that this would take a huge toll on your own wellbeing- it sounds really exhausting. I found an article on coping strategies (around part 9) that you might find useful. What stood out to me was the sentence about “They are not choosing to feel anxious, and they are trying to make sense of their anxiety and cope with it as best they know how”. I’m sure you already know this but sometimes reminding ourselves of that can be helpful for us in terms of managing our own emotions. I'll tag some members who might be able to offer you some guidance and support   @Chalke5 @taokat @Zoesplace ... View more