Hey @Jojobatty    Thanks for sharing and good on you for bringing up a well-behaved son    It's great that you've recognized this as an issue all on your own. I think it is common to have some worry when one's child start venturing out, but if you find that it's excessive then it might be worth chatting a professional about it.  Parentline offer free and confidential telephone counselling and support to parents and carers on any parenting issues they may be facing. If you're interested in calling then scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number is appropriate for your state (the number differs per state).    I think speaking to a professional could be beneficial in terms of learning how to manage your worry. Simple things like changing your pattern of thoughts can be useful. For instance, next time it gets to 11pm and you think "oh no - insert worst case scenario-" you could try telling yourself "No, i'm not going to worry. If something bad has happened I'm sure I would have heard about it by now. He'll be home soon." Sometimes restricting your worry to a certain time frame can help too. So telling yourself I can only worry between 10 and 10.30 but not anytime before/after.    It might also be worth telling your son about how you worry so that he understands why you call so often. I'm guessing you've already done that though? ... View more

Hi Martin19,   That sounds like a really stressful and risky situation. While I cannot give advice on long-term management, I would always advise to call emergency services whenever you or anyone in the house feels at risk. I wonder whether it might also be worthwhile consulting with police about any other management strategies/how to respond in the moment if he is violent?   Regards, Tom ... View more

Hi @mugs1170    I responded to you in your other thread here. I'm not exactly sure what you mean by crises but if you are worried that she might harm herself then please contact emergency services, otherwise my other post details some service options for you. It sounds like your daughter has lost hope so it might be worth trying to instill hope in her. Perhaps tell her about your own mental health journey and how you've learned to deal with and manage your distress over time? ... View more

Hi @mugs1170    If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean when you say your daughter is showing suicidal tendencies. Is she self-harming? Or having thoughts of suicide?   You mentioned money is a bit tight at the moment so I wanted to make you aware of free counselling services that may be suitable for your daughter. We have an "urgent help" page here on our Youth forum. All of these services operate 24/7 and provide free counselling to Australians. I'd encourage you to encourage your daughter to make contact with one of these services if she's feeling quite distressed.   You mentioned having mental health issues yourself so it's important that you're also seeking the right support. The services I linked for your daughter are also suitable for you. The helpline ParentLine is also a good option as they provide free and confidential counselling and support on any parenting issues. The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.    Some universities also offer low-cost counselling options, so it might be worth checking our some of the universities in your area. It might also be an idea to search for bulk-billing psychologists in your area, that way you can get 10 free sessions for the year (You'll need to book in with your GP to get a mental health care plan to access those 10 free sessions though). If you're interested in this option, it might be a good idea to start by seeing whether there's a Headspace Centre near you as I believe they specialize in youth mental health and a bulk-bill. Check out their website for more information here.  ... View more

Hey @Needthemanual    Thanks for joining the forums and thanks for sharing.    It sounds like you're in bit of a conundrum... and understandably. It's a tricky situation to be in.   I guess there are a lot of things to consider. How long has your daughter had these online friends for? Do they catch up in person? Can you see their friendship lasting? Has she made any friends at her current school? If she were to go back to her local school, and decide it wasn't for her, would it be hard to switch back to the independent school?    I do think having a good friendship circle is important, and I can understand why she wants to change schools to be with her friends. However, I can see how you're concerned about her academically and what her mind state would be like if these friendships were to fall apart.    Some things that might aid your decision: - It might be an idea to meet these friends of hers to gauge whether you can see the friendships lasting or not.  - See what your daughter might be interested in doing after high-school. Does she want to attend university? How important are her grades for her future goal (if she has one)? - If you haven't done so already, it might be a good idea to book in a psychologist appointment for your daughter. That way the psychologist can give you their opinion on the situation, but also support your daughter with her depression.    It's hard as a parent/adult, because we know that friendships can be fleeting, particularly in adolescence. We've been there before and we've seen how friendships come and go. Unfortunately however, when you're an adolescent, friendships are so important, and "fitting in" is so important, and I can understand why your daughter might be prioritizing that over her schooling. Therefore, it might be hard to reason with her about staying at the independent school, and a professional might be able to help you navigate this situation with her.    A really good, free, resource for parents is Parentline. They offer free and confidential counselling and support to parents on any parenting issues they may be facing. The number for Parentline differs per state. If you're interested in calling them, then scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call. ... View more

Hi @Ankion_20    Thanks for joining ReachOut!   Eeek. Sounds like your in a bit of a pickle. I can see why you'd be uncomfortable with the idea of your son visiting his mates, especially because they live 6 hours away by public transport. It's definitely not a trip around the corner, is it?   I'm wondering whether you've communicated your concerns to your son, and if so, what has he said?    Have you asked where he will be staying and whether there will be parental supervision? ... View more

Hey @Ocean1970 and welcome to the ReachOut Parent forums .    It can be hard when we see our teens struggling to make/ keep friends. A lot of parents experience and are concerned by this issue. In fact, we had a child/family professional answer the question "What can I do when my teen has no friends?" here which may be worth reading for you.    It sounds like your daughter is worried about people disliking her, so it might be a good idea to get her professional help. A professional can help her in two ways - they can help her cope with these feelings of worry and provide social-skills training to aid friendship making if necessary. We have an article on how to get teenagers help here.    A really good resource for parents in your situation (if you're from Australia) is Parentline, as they offer free and confidential counselling and support to parents and carers on any parenting issues they may be facing. They may be able to help you with your daughter’s situation, support you, and also refer you to any useful services in your area. Parenting can be stressful, so it's important you look after yourself too  . The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.  ... View more

Hey @Tarnya    Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post    I'm so sorry to read about your daughter.  It sounds like she is really struggling at the moment.  As a parent it must be incredibly distressing for you .  Bringing her to a GP as soon as possible sounds like a very good idea; if the natural remedies have not helped then medication may help reduce her distress.  Have you spoken to her about how she is feeling and/or if the psychologist sessions have helped?  Have you spoken to the psychologist about how she is going?  These may help offer some guidance into some of the things contributing to her distress.    If she needs extra support perhaps consider linking her with a school counsellor.  Additionally, you might consider encouraging her to call Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800.  They have trained counsellors to offer support for your daughter.  Gathering as much support as possible is important during this period.  If you need support yourself please contact Parentline on 1300 365 859.  Both services have trained counsellors ready to listen.   We are here for you too  ... View more

Hey @DollyMum ,   Welcome to the forums  .  It sounds like you have a good understanding of your child's temperament and personality.  Certainly children (like adults) have different personalities and thus some may have more sensitive than others.  Seems like you remaining calm is very helpful for your boy   We cannot offer specific advice regarding books etc.  However you mentioned the 'authoritative' parenting style.  If you research books regarding parenting styles you may find something that meets your needs  ... View more

Hey @mrcrazylady    I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Reading your post actually made me feel a little sad. We put so much time & effort into our children, and I can't even imagine having to "lose" one of them like you have.   You mentioned completely "backing off" which seems like the right thing to do. Even though its hard, sometimes you have to just let people go, and just hope that they come back. I think its particularly good to let go if the interactions with your eldest child have become mostly negative, because such interactions definitely wont help the situation. It might be an idea to sort of separate from the situation for a year or two, and reconnect with them in a positive way when you're a bit more "detached" from the situation.   I think if you want to maximize the chances of your child returning or opening up to you again, then it's important to communicate with them in a leveled and caring way, and remind them how important they are to you, how much you care for them, and support them even if you disagree with their decisions. The reason I say this is because if you engage positively, then it maximizes the chances of your child coming back to you (talking again etc.).  And if his wife is the narcissistic person that you say she is, then if your child ever finds the courage to reach out or break away from their wife, then it is likely you'll be the person they contact. It also means that if your child's wife is speaking badly about you and trying to turn your child against you, that your child may be able to recognize that she is incorrect, and not fall into her trap. By the way this is not to make you feel bad about your recent "nasty" behaviour - at the end of the day we are only human, we get hurt, and sometimes our emotions get the better of us and we act in ways we regret. That's okay. At this point, I guess it is also important for me to say that your mental health is important, and if engaging with your child is having a negative impact on you, then it is okay for you to distance yourself. You shouldn't have to engage with them in a way that is uncomfortable to you.    So to reiterate - I think it's good that you are giving your child some space. If they do contact you before you contact them, then it might be a good idea to tell them how much you miss them and care for them. If you don't hear from them, then maybe you can reach out in a few years if you want to reconnect. All you can do it try. And of course, all of this is up to you. I am just offering some suggestions, but in no way are telling you what you should or shouldn't do. At the end of the day, you know the situation best, and you know what works for you best.    Also, regarding your child's decision to become gender fluid, and your concern over it not being being their own decision - I guess it's hard to say for sure why they decided this, and it's probably best to avoid guessing.  Their wife may have pressured your child into it, but it's also completely possible that it is 100% a decision of their own. I'm not sure whether you've expressed this concern to your child (about it not being their decision), but if you do make contact in the future, it's probably best to avoid saying this, as I can't see it positively influencing your relationship.   I guess all of the above is just my opinion based on what you've told me so far. It might be an idea to seek professional support, as what you're going through is definitely not easy. It sounds like you really care about your son and have given him your all, and as a parent, that's all you can really do. Try and be easy on yourself over the holidays, take some time out for yourself, and do some things you enjoy.    Also - just a side note. I noticed you said that you sometimes feel homicidally angry or suicidally depressed? i need to ask whether you truly mean this or if it's simply a figure of speech?    Lastly, given the length of your initial post, I have moved it to the "concerned about my teen" section of our forums, and it is now it's own thread. This should increase the amount of support you receive.    Again, please look after yourself. And thank you so much for sharing  - it was very courageous of you to speak so openly and honestly with all of us on the forums.    ... View more

Hey @inteenhell    Thanks for much for joining ReachOut and sharing what's going on for you. If you're after some support from people going through similar things like you said, then you've definitely come to the right place.    Have you had a chance to go through our forum? If not, I'd encourage you to create a more detaied thread about what's going on for you in the "everyday parenting" or "concerned about my teen" sections of our forum, as these sections are often used for parents to vent and seek advice. I'd also encourage you to check out the "ask a child and family professional" section, where we have professionals answer a whole range of common questions parents have, as the answers a quite informative and may be of use to you too    It sounds like you're going through a hard time with your boys. Puberty/ early adolescence can be a tricky age. Parenting can be stressful, so it's important you seek the right support . A really good resource for parents in your situation is Parentline, as they offer free and confidential counselling and support to parents on any parenting issues they may be facing. They may be able to help you navigate this situation with your two boys, support you, and also refer you to any useful services in your area. The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.      ... View more

Hey @Hugo2019    Thanks for your response. It's hard to say with any certainty whether you should change psychiatrists.   If you don't mind me asking - what is stopping you from using CAMHS? Are you worried that they might not specialise in adolescent mental health?   Are you worried it will interrupt your son's recovery because he may have already bonded with the private psychiatrist?   Do you really like the private psychiatrist, and you're worried mental health clinicians at CAMHS won't be as good?   Like @Taylor-RO suggested, it might be a good idea to  gain more information about CAMHS to assist in your decision making. It might even be helpful to meet some of the mental health clinicians, and meet the psychiatrist in particular, to see if they'd be a good fit for your son. Also, it might be an idea to ask your son for his opinion in this situation too, such as whether he'd be willing to change psychiatrists, etc.  ... View more

Hey @Mommaofone    Thanks for sharing what's going on for you. Just so you know, I have moved your post to the "everyday parenting" section of the forums, and it is now it's own thread. Where you posted before is where new users answer a set of questions to introduce themselves. I made this it's own thread because you've described an issue you're having, and doing so would increase the amount of support you receive from community. I hope you don't mind.    I can see why your daughter's boyfriend's parent's actions would be frustrating you. It seems as though they are being unjust, or favoring their other children? Is your daughter and her boyfriend also upset about it?    Do we know why he might getting the "short end of every stick" like you said? ... View more

Hi @chippy    Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I'm sure many users on the forum will benefit from a discussion like this. You sound like a beautiful mum who really wants the best for their child.    If you don't mind me asking, how long have you and his father been separated? From your past posts, it doesn't sound like you and his father separated recently, but if you have, sometimes an event like that can stress the child and impact their behaviour.    Also, it sounds like your son may be around the age where hormones start running wild, which could explain changes in his mood and behaviour.   Teenage years are generally quite a vulnerable time, with lots going on, lots to adjust to, and lots to figure out about themselves.  Many teenagers are tackling issues around low self-esteem, peer-pressure, wanting to fit in and be accepted, and so on. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is hard to determine what might be causing this change in your son's mood/ behaviour. It's likely a combination of things. The best way might be to ask him directly if you haven't already.    A really good resource for parents in your situation (if you're from Australia) is Parentline, as they offer free and confidential counselling and support to parents and carers on any parenting issues they may be facing. They may be able to help you navigate this situation with your son, support you, and also refer you to any useful services in your area. Parenting can be stressful, so it's important you look after yourself in this situation too  .    The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.  ... View more

Hey @Fullhouse    This is a very courageous and insightful post .  It is understandable that you are not comfortable with your adult son bringing random girls home as it conflicts with your values.  It can be difficult to know what 'normal' is these days and it moves so quickly.     Being 18 yo is certainly a time of self-discovery.  Your son is becoming increasingly exposed to casual relationships, alcohol, and drugs.  He is also gradually transitioning into adulthood so it can be a challenging time for him.  It doesn't make it any easier as a parent.  If you would like to talk to someone, please try Parentline on 1300 365 859. They are open 7 days per week from 8am-10pm (QLD time).  They have trained counsellors ready to listen to you.     I will say that it sounds like you have a great relationship with your boys given they are so open with you.  I think that is a testament to your parenting    Please continue to reach out, we are here to support you  ... View more

Hey @Lovingmom0812    Welcome to the forum .  Thank you so much for your post.  I'm sure this issue is something that many parents and step-parents go through so thank you for bringing this up.  It definitely sounds like a tricky situation and I think @JAKGR8 has provided you with some pretty good tips.   I would encourage you to have an open conversation with your husband and hopefully find a middle ground.  As you said, bonding with your children is really important and it won't be long until they grow up, so its important for him to know you feel this way.  Thanks again for your post and keep us updated. ... View more

Hey @8isenough    I can see how this is such a stressful situation for you. School refusal can be a really hard on parents as well as the affected child/teen. It's great that you have taken your son to see a psychologist, GP, and have considered multiple options including home schooling. It sounds like you have done your research and will do everything in your power to assist your son, which is a great start.    Have you tried asking your son what's making him anxious in class?    Also, you said the psychologist said your son won't open up. If you don't mind me asking, how many times did he see this psychologist? It might take him a few sessions to open up. Also, it might be an idea to attend a therapy session with him - maybe your support might help him open up.    If you're from Australia - a good, free resource for parents in your situation is ParentLine. ParentLine  offer confidential and anonymous counselling and support on parenting issues. Their number depends on what state you're calling from - see the following link and scroll down for a set of the numbers per state.    It might also be useful to learn about school refusal and why it occurs.  We have a few threads on school refusal that may be of interest to you - one here which has been written by a Child and Family professional, and another  here. Headspace have some useful information on understanding school refusal here. It might be worth giving these articles a read.    Wishing you all the best  ... View more

Hi @Krf05    It seems like you aren't alone, with many parents experiencing this issue.    It can be really hard when our children stop attending school. It can be easy to go into that "tell off" mode, however as you've stated, it may not be the right thing to do if their absenteeism is due to anxiety. It's really great that you've acknowledged that. It's also great that you're daughter is seeing a counselor both inside and outside of school. You sound like a great parent, one which really cares for their child, which I'm sure your daughter is grateful for.    If you're from Austraila - a good, free resource for parents in your situation is ParentLine. ParentLine  offer confidential and anonymous counselling and support on parenting issues. Their number depends on what state you're calling from - see the following link and scroll down for a set of the numbers per state.    We have an article on school refusal here .Headspace have some useful information on understanding school refusal here. It might be worth giving both of these articles a read.    We hope things improve for you and your daughter soon. ... View more

Hi @Michael219    Welcome to the forums! I noticed you started your own thread to introduce yourself. I have removed your thread as we have our own "introduce yourself" section for new users. For future reference, when starting a new thread, it should usually be about an issue you are needing assistance/support for. So, it should include like a paragraph outlining the issue, so that other users have enough information to support you.    To get started you can introduce yourself by telling us:   1. How old are your kids and what is one thing they've done recently that made you laugh? 2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down? 3. What led you to ReachOut Parents today? 4. Whats your top tip for parents whose kids are about to enter teenage years? 5. Whats the best thing about weekends?     Also, we have a set of community guidelines that we ask our users to abide by. You might want to familiarise yourself with them here.  ... View more

Hi @JAKGR8    Thanks for sharing, very interesting post!    We don't always allow links on our forums, however because they are relevant, I have decided to leave them    Thanks again, I think many parents will find this article helpful.  ... View more

Hi @BDubya    Thanks so much for contributing to this thread and sharing your story.    What you're going through must be so hard, and I'm really sorry to hear that this is occurring for you. It's possible your daughter is going through some of her own personal issues that are manifesting in this sort of negative behavior. Nevertheless, it still makes it really hard to deal with, especially when you try to help and nothing seems to be working.    Is there anything you're doing to look after yourself at this difficult time? I'd encourage you to call ParentLine. If you've never heard of it, it's  a confidential telephone helpline that offers information and counselling about parenting issues. You can talk to qualified counsellors about a wide range of matters such as avoiding and resolving conflict in your family or improving relationships with your children and other family members.  I've linked their contact details here - please note that their number differs per state, so please scroll to the bottom of the page to make sure you call the relevant one.    I hope things improve for you  ... View more

Hi @Mamamico    We're sorry to hear that you found your experience with our Support Service unhelpful.    We understand how no acknowledgement from staff may have left you feeling unheard. We can assure you this was not our intention. Unfortunately, our forums are not monitored 24-7, and are also not meant for one-on-one support. The forums are actually designed for peer support. In other words, they are designed for parents to connect with other parents. These details about our service are outlined in our community guidelines, which can be found here. The moderator's role is to ensure that the forum is a safe space for everyone, in other words, to ensure that all posts are in line with our community guidelines. We do offer support to some users where we can, but there are times where we may not respond to users, especially if they have received support from the community already.    We can see a lack of response from the moderators has upset you and truly do we hope that this response clarifies some of your concerns. If you are unsatisfied with this response, then you are welcome to make a formal complaint but emailing us at hello@reachout.com.    Lastly, we're very saddened to hear about what your son, and yourself, are going through. As a parent, it must be difficult to see your son suffering. You said you found out that he suffers from depression? Does that mean he is engaging with a counselor/psychologist? If so, that's really great. I'm guessing this is a lot for you to handle and it's important that in addition to looking after your son, you look after yourself. I noticed you're an international user. Since we are an Australian based service, our knowledge of international services is somewhat limited. In Australia we have a helpline for parents - it's named Parentline. It might be worth googling if there's something similar in your country. I did a quick google search and came across this service, which might be worth looking into.    We also have this thread here for international users - it contains a list of services for a range of countries, including Canada. This thread is targeted towards youth, so not all of them may be helpful, but they might be worth look into, and possibly even passing on to your son.   Again, we're sorry you felt disappointed in our service. We hope things do get better for you and your son.  ... View more

Hi @Nay103    Thanks so much for sharing you story  .    It's interesting that your son has changed all of a sudden. He's 13, so I'm wondering whether it might be the start of puberty? Perhaps it's the hormonal changes contributing to his angry/emotional behaviour?   You mentioned that he talks about suicide when things blow up. Does he actually say that he wants to suicide? When he says these things, do you usually get the impression that he doesn't mean it and that it's just out of frustration, or do you think he actually means it? There is a very big difference between someone saying "Ah I wish I could just disappear" to "I want to suicide"...if you know what I mean? If you think he means it then that is quite concerning. I'm wondering if he's seeing a school counselor or anything at the moment?   I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I imagine it would be especially hard as a single mum. Parenting, working, and managing a household is hard enough in itself. So this added pressure must be, understandably, getting to you. I'm unsure if you've head of ParentLine?  ParentLine is a confidential telephone helpline that offers information and counselling about parenting issues. It might be worth giving them a call as they may be able to help you navigate this tricky issue with your son. Their number varies depending on the state you're calling from. A list of the numbers per state can be found here.          ... View more

Hey @dad80dad80    Thank you for creating this thread. I'm sure it's a topic that many parents can relate to. I'm going to tag some of our most regular users to that they become aware of this thread and contribute if they feel up to it: @PapaBill  @JohnT @Alexendra @JAKGR8 @KattMomma @Dad4good @sunflowermom @Nikita16.    If you don't mind me asking @dad80dad80:  How old is your son? How many hours does he usually spend playing games a day? What are some strategies you use (if you use any) to get him off the computer? Of the strategies you have used, which have been successful/unsuccessful? ... View more

Hey @LenoreG  That's great that you've started therapy :).  How has that been going? ... View more

@Deebumblebee    That must be really distressing for you.  Certainly this kind of behaviour can occur when a child expresses some depressive symptoms.  You've been really proactive with this to go the doctor, commence medication and already notice a positive change.  Well done! ... View more

Hey @Jaype    It sounds like you're going through a difficult time with your son. You mentioned your son has received professional psychological support  - is he still seeing a psychologist? Also, I'm wondering whether you're seeking any professional support to assist you through this difficult time? Parenting can be challenging at the best of times so it's important that you're seeking the right support. Not sure if you've ever tried calling Parent-line, but they can be a really good (and free) resource for parents like yourself. Check out this website to see what services are available for your state.    It sounds like your son is struggling with boundaries. I guess a tip that I've found helpful when working with young people, is ensuring I follow through on said rewards/ punishments. E.g. if you tell your son that you'll take his Xbox if he does Y, and then he happens to do Y, make sure you take his Xbox away. And then, if he reacts negatively (such as throwing a tantrum), try not to give in and instead just ignore him as best as you can, otherwise it'll teaching him that throwing a tantrum = mum giving me what I want. Same goes with rewards. It might be useful to find something that your son loves, and tell him you'll reward him with it, if he follows X rule.    The upside of the situation is that your son is open about what's going on. It's good that he confides in you. Was he even open to you about experimenting with drugs?   I've tagged some parents here who are generally very good at supporting other parents on the forum @JAKGR8 @Maruko @JohnT @DadFad @DSmum @KattMomma @Dad4good @sunflowermom @Nikkita @Faob_1 @Orbit64 @PapaBill  ... View more