Thank you for flagging that, the post has been removed. ... View more

Hi @ladybates ,   That’s a difficult situation you’re in with a couple sticky obstacles in the way of open communication as you’ve identified. I want to first acknowledge your excellent self-awareness and ability to recognise the verity of options of how to approach this. Navigating mixed family situations is always tricky!   My gut feeling is that sharing drinks is very common within her family, some people may view it as a sign of intimacy or closeness with other family members. As you’ve pointed out, everyone was brought up differently so we could almost view this as different family “cultures” of interaction, and when two different cultures interact, there is bound to be some friction.   I would say checking in with your husband isn’t a bad idea, if maybe to get his perspective on the situation or advice as to how approach his mother in the future. I feel if she is as sensitive as you describe her, regardless of how you approach it she may take it differently than you intended to. So it may be worth asking yourself, how much this matters to you and if you are able to let go of some of your feelings if you aren’t able to bring it up to her in future? ... View more

Hi Soccermum,   The best person to speak to about fitness for your child, if you are concerned about the effects of weightlifting on a growing skeletal system, would be your GP or Pediatrician . Otherwise, enrolling your child with a personal trainer who is familiar with teaching adolescents would be a good option.    For more general information on weight training with teenagers I found this resource online that may help:   https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=weight-training-for-teens-1-2381 ... View more

Hi Peaceful,   Welcome to the forum. I am glad that you've joined and are looking for more support. It sounds like you are having difficulties with your kids and are struggling but have a really positive attitude about it all.   If  you do want to share more about your situation, please feel welcome to create your own thread by clicking 'Start a topic' in the top right hand corner.  ... View more

Hi Chris15,   I am sorry to hear that you're having a tough time with your 14 year old. It sounds like they are quite angry and frustrated at the moment and this is creating a very hostile environment within the home.    Would you be able to share a bit more detail as to what your situation is like? When did this behavior start occurring? What supports do you have at the moment? Are you concerned for you or your child's well-being?   In the meantime, some basic tips on how to approach an angry tip might give you a starting point, you can find some here. ... View more

Dear @mariadavis    Thank you for raising this topic. An outpatient program in a virtual setting sounds like a great idea, especially with the current COVID situation. It's good that you're really considering whether it's suitable for you or not. It might be worth talking to your GP or therapist to determine whether it best suits your needs. Please do let us know what you end up deciding, and if you do decide to do the program, let us know how it went!   Just so you're aware, I've removed the link you shared. Sharing links, especially to particular services, is against our guidelines. Please feel free to read more about our guidelines here.  ... View more

Dear @Juffie    Thanks so much for your post. I'm sure it's a topic that many parents can benefit from reading about.    We actually have an article that might be worth reading on blended families and teenagers here.    Relationship's Australia also has a tip sheet for blended families here. Relationships Australia can also provide counselling to couples and families.    Stepfamilies Australia is another great resource - see their webpage here. They have a range of courses, tip sheets, and recommended books. They also have a 'find a professional' page.    You might also want to register with our free, one-on-one support service, which you can find out more about here.   It is also worth knowing about the following two, confidential, free, anonymous helplines: Family Relationship Advice Line - 1800 050 321 (find out more about it here) Parentline - their number differs depending what state you're calling from, see here.    It sounds like you are concerned about your daughter feeling uncomfortable and shy, which is completely understandable. It might be a good idea to set some ground rules - e.g., no internet after 8pm. It's good that you meet for dinner, and I'd encourage you to continue doing this. It might be helpful to play family games, like uno or monopoly, or to have movie nights. Another idea is to play a game where it's the parents vs. the kids (or parents + 1 boy vs. your daughter + 1 boy), so that the kids are forced to bond but in a fun way. We know that having a common enemy brings people closer, so if you parents are the 'enemy' in the game (i.e., the people they are competing against), then it might help bring them closer together.   Please do have a look at the resources I've shared with you, and let us know how you go. It might be worth trying the tips shared in these resources, and if you're still having problems, then stepping up to professional support.  ... View more

Dear @Jazzabelle    Thank you for your post. It is never nice to see our children going through a separation, especially when there are young kids involved.    In terms of how to help, just being there for your son and his family can go a long way. By being there, this could include offering a shoulder to cry on, listening, offering words of encouragement, offering to help out with the kids.   We have an article on separation that might be helpful for you to read here.   Please keep us updated with how things go.  ... View more

Hello @Hopesprings123,  It sounds like a very stressful situation for the both of you, so it’s great to hear that you and your daughter have been talking about this. We actually have a Youth forum that is a safe and controlled environment where she could read about people in similar situations or join in on the conversation. This may help her feel more understood and give her a place where she can go to for a fresh insight. Headspace also offers a similar forum. ... View more

Hi @Ali27 , Thank you for sharing, I can understand how tough this must be for you. It’s great to hear that you have sought out some extra support for your son. You mentioned that you feel like your son is lying, are there any reasons you may feel this way? I can see how concerning this behaviour is to you.   I also just wanted to let you know that I have had to edit some of your post to make sure if keeps within our community guidelines which you can view here if you'd like to. ... View more

Hi @Datchick  Thank you for posting here on the forums  It sounds like you are in a tricky position, I can imagine it would be hard to know what the right thing to do here is, and I don't think it is as simple as being right or wrong either. It's certainly concerning that your child is screaming and hitting themselves when exposed to different foods and that they have such a limited diet. I wonder if it would be worth getting your partner to speak to his mum about what she is able to feed him and how she manages meal times. It also might be something to consult a GP or maternal health nurse about to see what the possible reasons could be and also to check for any deficiencies he could have.     TOM-RO ... View more

Hi @Brennan ,   Thank you for posting here on the forums. I am not sure if there is a right and a wrong in this situation. It is more dependent on what you and anyone who lives in the house, feels comfortable with. Is this something you son has just recently started doing? And how comfortable would you be having a conversation with your son about this? In general social situations, it is not socially acceptable to be naked in public for a variety of reasons and if your son does not understand this it might be a good indication for you to have a conversation with him about social norms and expectations.    Please do let us know how it goes or give us any more information for context! Definitely a tricky thing to navigate.   RO- MOD ... View more

Hi Informational,   It sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment with trying to reach an amenable parenting arrangement with your husband. I feel it’s reasonable to have some concerns about your children travelling overseas if you feel his parental care has been lacking in the past. I feel like it’s not a bad idea to request a more detailed itinerary if you feel like you are not able to reasonably contact your ex-partner and children while they are travelling overseas.   It sounds like this situation has been fairly upsetting for your children. How have they been managing so far with the separation? What supports do they have to reach out to?   Do you have any concerns about your children’s safety at the moment? If you have concerns over their wellbeing in the care of your ex-partner, I would urge you to express these concerns with your local child protection agency if you feel these concerns serious.   It can be difficult to determine in these situations if our concerns are reasonable or if we are reacting strongly due to the emotions surrounding a separation and our ex. Have you been able to speak to a counsellor in regards to the separation and your feeling surrounding your ex?   We hope the reach out parenting forums can be of some support to you during this difficult time.   P.S   I have edited your post slightly to remove any identifying information as per our community guideline:   Stay anonymous at all times: please don’t post any information that could identify you or anyone you’re posting about, including school names/ teachers, or link to personal information like blogs or social media accounts. Please respect other people’s anonymity, even if you think you may know them in real life.    For more information please visit the link here for our full community guidelines. ... View more

Hi @RiverGirl    Yeah that sounds tough all round! I can imagine I'd feel very reluctant to get up early if I've had a late nights, that's only natural but it sounds like it's become a bad habit. I would say that the routine is key here. So if you look at the classic "sleep hygiene" ideas, it's all about setting up a good sleep routine to help with these issues. The main thing if nothing else, is to go to bed as close to the same time as possible and get up at the same time regardless of what else is going on. What you've described is hard because your son has trouble with sleep medication and is struggling to self sooth. This sounds like a broader issue but directly impacts sleep. Of course if this continues to be an issue I imagine it will impact almost all other areas of his life socially, emotionally and with study. I'd suggest to always keep professionals involved including general practitioners and even counsellors/psychologists where relevant. Mainly because self soothing can be very important as a coping mechanism overall and getting support around this would be invaluable.  ... View more

Hi @Ellie67    I have to say this is a real conundrum because if you maintain your point (that your daughter takes it too far) she would see that as promoting rape culture and therefor a betrayal. I can appreciate your need to be protective that's understandable. It's going to be difficult to set boundaries as it's like a trap. If you say anything  then you're the enemy. It might be worth continuing a dialogue more generally about your daughters interest in this issue and have a curious but open chat about why it's important. Maybe re emphasising that you're coming from a place of care and concern rather than promotion of rape. Maybe others on the forum will have some insights too! Good luck! ... View more

Hi @Seahorse47, it sounds like you are in a pretty difficult situation with your son and aren’t sure how to approach the issue moving forward. It can be frustrating when we are faced with the balance between acknowledging and supporting our children versus encouraging and challenging them to tackle issues within their lives. Currently it sounds like your son is well supported with plans from school, and with a counsellor.   What steps have you taken at home to try and address his current difficulties? Has he been able to open up as to why he has been having difficulties with school? What does he occupy his time with when he is not engaged with school? ... View more

Hi Valek! ... Generally it is quite a difficult task to parent children who are clearly very unique and independent in their own way. We appreciate the time you've taken to reflect on how to manage it though. Most studies suggest that positive reinforcement (rewards for doing the right thing) are far more effective in managing behavior than negative reinforcement ( punishing for doing the wrong thing). Not to suggest that there should be no consequences here, but it might be worth thinking about how to encourage her to do the right thing as opposed to how to scare her from doing the wrong thing. (For example, If you agree not to tattoo yourself or others whilst under our roof, we will reward that behaviour by buying you some fake tattoo skin that you can practice on). In terms of teaching her about consequences: Oftentimes its helpful to ask the children themselves what they think is a fair punishment (Surprisingly, they often say things that are actually quite reasonable). One thing i might suggest is getting her to do some tasks like house work. This is because it doesn't socially isolate her (like grounding might). Ultimately its your decision in the end. I think regardless it should be clear to her that the reason she is being punished is because she didn't stick to her commitment, rather than for being interested in tattooing... I hope that helps and don't hesitate to reach out to discuss this more! all the best! ... View more

Hi @makeastand    This sounds like really tough situation for both you and your daughter and I am so sorry to hear about what vile things have been said to her. It must have been really intimidating for her to be in that room and is i frustrating feeling that the school is not taking things as seriously as they should.  I can imagine it would be making you feel powerless as it sounds like you have tried to advocate for her and it doesn't feel like she is being heard. You are limited in what you can do as a parent in this situation, beyond what you have already done. Don't underestimate how important it is that you are there for her emotionally and that you show her that you believe her despite what the school and the other girls are saying. It is so incredibly valuable having a mothers support through such a difficult time. We hope you receive some support on the forums here and we thank you for sharing this with us.      ... View more

@qwerty11 It sounds like your daughter is really desperate to be challenged in class, and so I am sure that being able to go to a university lecture would be a really excellent way to help stimulate, and interest her - whether it's offered as a bribe or not :)    It might be a good idea to ask your daughter (if it were a perfect world), what would need to change for her to want to go back to school. From what I've read, it sounds like she just wants the independence to be able to study content that actually interests her. While her school does sound as if they are being stubborn about your daughter's needs, it might be a good idea to organise a meeting with the school and discuss the potential of your daughter doing independent study at school. This could look like her being allowed to study whatever she likes within the subject upon completing her work in class, or even potentially being able to study in the library instead. I also saw that you are currently in Brisbane, and so I thought it might be good to suggest UQ's Enhanced Studies Program. From my understanding, it's a program for Year 12 students (who apply for the program in year 11) to study a university course while still in high school. This sort of program could be something that greater challenges her, as well as encouraging her to try and stay in the school system.    I hope this helps! Please keep us updated :) ... View more

Hi @Advice123    Thank you for reaching out on the forum.    Co-parenting through separation can be a really complicated process. It's nice of you to look into support services for your friend. Here are a few helpful services that your friend can contact for information and support.    MensLine Australia - 1300 78 99 78 Family Relationship Advice Line - 1800 050 321 Legal aid in your local area.  Hope that helps!             ... View more

Hi @Lenny80, I'm really glad to hear that you've been looking at alternative education options to best support your son. Unfortunately, the traditional education system in its current form, can often be exclusionary to students who need some considerations to best support them and their learning. I was able to find a couple of resources which might help you and your family when looking into Virtual VCE options   The education department of Victoria has an information page  here  which details some information about study options for students wishing to learn online. They also list the Virtual School Victoria, which is a government virtual/distance education school which offers full-time study options for students wishing to learn from home. You can take a look at their website  here , and their enrolment page  here , which lists their 5 enrolment categories and the requirements for enrolling at the school. From the sounds of your post, I believe your son would be able to qualify for the medical (social/emotional) category.   I hope this helps! Please keep us updated on how you go  ... View more

Hi Moses. Thanks for reaching out. A 9 year old child obsessing about a parent that she adores, is in fact, quite normal. The ongoing physical contact is also quite a normal response from a child to a parent. What im trying to reflect here by saying that, is that her obsession with you is not necessarily something of concern. However it can be perceived as somewhat unhealthy in that she might be developing a deeply secure attachment to you, which makes fallouts and difficult relationships in her future difficult to manage. Fixating on someone does not help to represent how relationships actually work in the world. So if you constantly enable the fixation over you, it might in some sense set her up for disappointment in her future relations. SO how do we manage this then? A common theme in psychology is called "the good enough mother", which essentially talks about how you don't have to be ever present to be a good parent - your general presence and love is enough to develop a healthy relationship style in her. I suppose a good way to go about this is to possibly speak with her (with the mother present) where you put some gentle boundaries in place (no sitting on laps for example). If she wants to why she cant engage in this way, you can talk about the nature of your relationship and what your role is for her (ie: "my role is to guide you, and intimacy is reserved for special partner relationships that you will experience when you are older).  So to summarise Moses, don't worry too much about her behaviour, its relatively normal, just ensure you put boundaries in place to model healthy boundary setting within relationships and make sure that you do it in a way that doesn't talk explicitly about "the birds and the bees" or in a way that makes it seem that she has done something wrong. Use this as an opportunity to teach her gently about boundaries. Otherwise Moses you could try to call mensline or speak to a psychologist if you are still concerned. Good luck with it, and thanks for reaching out! ... View more

Hi @Monica76,   That sounds like a really tough situation, and I can understand why you would be feeling so lost and hurt about everything that's happened. It sounds like that you and your daughter have a complicated relationship, and emotions can run really high during the holidays, as well.   I'm sure that there are a lot of different factors involved in this, but maybe a place to start is to think about how you would like for things to be different with your daughter e.g. whether you would like for her to apologize and whether you feel like you need to (this is a really good article on apologies), and what you think your daughter would want for you to do, as well. Something that can also be important is sitting down and trying to understand the situation from your daughter's perspective and how she would be feeling and thinking, even if you don't agree with her viewpoint or her actions. Writing a letter expressing your feelings, whether it is a letter just for you to read or to send to someone else, can also be a way to try and make sense of all these emotions, and get some clarity.   Lastly,  you might also consider talking to a therapist or a counsellor about what's been going on; a lot of people find that having a neutral party to talk to can also be really helpful in trying to find a way forward. ... View more

Hi @Mumrun3,   Welcome to the forums. I can understand why you would be feeling a bit confused about what next steps your daughter can take and I'm wondering if you've had a chance to chat with your daughter's school about what's happened and what options she has?   Something that you might consider as well is getting your daughter to have a chat with future student services at your local universities, as they can also give information on what the requirements for getting into nursing courses are.    It sounds like a tough time for both you and your daughter right now, and I hope that you can also take care during this period! ... View more

Hi @heather1974,   It's great that you have reached out here for support and that's what our forums are here for. Your honesty is really appreciated, but we do also have guidelines around no posting explicit details about things like methods of suicide as they sometimes can be triggering for other people to read.    We hope that offers a bit more clarification, and you might also find giving National Parent Helpline a ring helpful, too. ... View more

Hi @NamasteHope,   I'm sorry to hear about what's happening with your son, and it makes sense that right now you must be feeling very scared and worried about him, especially if it is something he doesn't want to talk about.   I think that right now you are doing one of the most important steps, which is getting your son to see someone that he can talk to about what's going on; it can also be really helpful for parents to meet with professionals themselves to ask questions and talk about how best to keep supporting your son.   In terms of what you can ask of him, I think that is a question that depends on a lot on what your son himself is comfortable or okay with, maybe trying to open up the conversation in a calm and nonjudgmental way and gauging how your son is reacting to it. This article on raisingchildren.net.au has some really great suggestions on ways you can try talking with him about what's going on and in the meantime I hope that you will be able to help your son find someone to talk to soon! ... View more

Hi @sadmom1,   You and your children have both been through so much. I think the fact that you are spending this time reflecting on what happened and how they are connected to your childhood shows you are already making a lot of progress in moving forward from your marriage and trying to create a better future for all of you.    The process of coming to terms with abuse, especially abuse that happened to us as children, is something that is different for everyone and doesn't have a set timeline. I think it is great that right now you are also taking steps to take care of yourself and your mental health, and doing what you can to support your son while still respecting his boundaries. It can be really hard when we want the people we love to seek help but they don't want to reach out, but at the end of the day we can't control anyone else's actions, we can only focus on taking care of ourselves. ... View more

  Hi @Birdwings,   Thank you for joining to provide your support and share your experiences. Teenagers can be really tough. They are at a stage where they're transitioning form childhood to adulthood and this time can be very challenging not only for them but for their families too. It is very common for teenagers between the ages of 14-17 to have an many more arguments with their parents as they struggle for more independence. This is the hard part of parenting when it comes to working with a challenging teenager.   As @Taylor-RO mentioned there is no right or wrong answer here and Parent Line would be another helpful service if you would like some extra support around this with a counsellor. The parents sections on the kids helpline website also has some helpful information for parents in supporting your teens.   Best wishes!   ... View more

Hello @Sil77, I am sorry to hear about the situation that you and your family are going through. It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, and it sounds like this is not an easy decision at all. It is good that the teachers at school are good, but a shame that some of your sons peers are causing issues. As you mentioned, it could be a good idea to contact the school over the issues as they sound like they could be a good support. Is that something you and your family would feel comfortable with doing at this time? Would you be able to talk with a school counsellor about this situation? They could arrange to have a chat with your son and see how he is going if you would feel comfortable with something like that? I am sorry to hear how much this is impacting you. Have you had a chance to talk with anyone about what you are going through? It might be helpful for you to get some of these thoughts and feelings off your chest. Parentline is one of the helplines that you could call if you wanted to talk with a counsellor about what you are going through. ... View more