In reply to....Struggling with 15 yo daughter who is couch surfing....
From what you have written about the new friend's family and household, it's understandable to feel very concerned about your daughter staying there. Your daughter is a very intelligent girl who has achieved so much at school. Yet her mild autism and memory issues can unfortunately lead to your daughter being very vulnerable.
Being enlightened by this family's attitude to life, your daughter may feel empowered by the 'coolness' of their so-called 'do what you want' attitude......
The police are involved. However. There is the issue with regards to what the law is, it's powers and the true reality of how it can be enforced.
Putting it another way - from a real perspective - little can be done to force your daughter to come home.
Then there's the usual problem of limited time and resources for the police to keep getting involved, however unfair that may seem and only creating more worry for you.
The same again applies to any form of family/child protection services. These agencies are time and resource limited and when they get involved, there's perhaps only so much they can do or advise due to specific guidelines.
Unfortunately. Guidelines and training don't cover a full understanding of what both your daughter and - just as importantly - you are really going through.
Your daughter has chosen not to engage and seek advice from anyone such as a counsellor or support worker. Therefore again, a situation in which you are on your own.
Maybe the friend's family just don't care about how their household behave. Perhaps it's 'take us how you find us' and not care what others think.
On the other hand, underneath all the rebellious bravado, could be parents who are genuinely struggling to raise their uncontrolled family and feel the need to put up a tough front. Who knows....
However. One thing is for certain. You are very worried about your daughter being at the house with this family.
Your daughter and her new friend get along together. When away from her family home, your daughter's new friend could gain a positive influence from your daughter.
Of course, it goes without saying that the more you argue with your daughter over this, the more she will want to rebel.
One option could be to invite your daughter's new friend over to your home more regularly if possible. If your daughter's friend spends some time over at your place, a more positive influence may result. Spending time in each other's company, perhaps even wanting to go to school together could provide encouragement.
Trying this could be a way of keeping your daughter on side, yet at the same time be with her friend - and both (especially your daughter) not spending all their time in the company of the friend's family.
It's trying to steer your daughter in the direction of positive influences such as spending more time at school and being encouraged to try new activities together with her friend.
It does seem that the core problem lies not so much with your daughter's new friend, but the household and family environment where the friend lives.
Hopefully. There may be a possibility that if your both your daughter and her friend spend time together doing more positive things, the power of influence from the friends family may not be so strong.
Again. It is a difficult situation because - after all - it's the friend's family and nothing will change the way they are because that's how they want to live.
However. What is very important for you, is that you have your own parenting values and how you want to live your life and only want to protect your daughter.
It's just so unfortunate that you desperately want to reach out and seek help, yet there are either barriers, excuses, reasons, non-communication and - quite frankly - nobody who really understands your's or your daughter's situation.
Hopefully. If this new friend can be encouraged to spend time with your daughter and at least some time in your company, there may be a chance this friendship could benefit both.
