Daughter seems to hate everyone and everything...especially us

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Piper, @lighthouse369, @Mazz123 and @Dad4good,

This is such a valuable conversation and I can really hear just how difficult it has been for each of you  

I really love what piper said "One thing that keeps me going sometimes is the knowledge that my kids won't be young forever and that hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel once they get through the teenage years. I really cherish the rare times that our whole family can enjoy time together  so I guess at the moment all we can do is ride the wave and give her as much love and support as we can."

Holding that hope that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for you and for your kids can be so valuable to help get through the harder times. I'm wondering for other parents on this thread, what do you hold onto to help you get through these tough teenage years?

[Dad4good]

Hi @Jess1-RO,

Good question. For me its the vision of my son being a happy, productive, young adult (and him being appreciative of the fact that we helped him get there). I don't want to be negative, but this also scares me, as I'll be devastated if he doesn't get there (although I'm sure I'll do the same thing again, and imagine further into the future).

[Taylor-RO]

Awesome @Dad4good, I think it is great for you to have something to hold onto. As you said, it would also be amazing to know you were there for your son and supported him to the best of your ability. I think over time you will be able to reflect on the successes you have had along the way.. hopefully our forum helps with that!

[lighthouse369]

I guess the same as all parents. I look forward to one day that she will be able to make her way in the world without taking on all the emotional pain that is out there. A happy vibrant young woman is how I see my baby girl all grown up. She was an awesome toddler and young girl and my hope is the same for her future.

[MomOfTwo]

Hi there— I have a 14 year old in a similar situation...She was adopted at 8 weeks old...We have tried so many different therapists and she quits also...I hired a consulting group to coordinate help...She destroys all relationships with friends and family members...treats us horrible, now won’t go to school... We have decided to send her to a treatment center for trauma and dual diagnose...it’s very sad for all but she needs much more help and resists everyone and she is extremely verbally abusive, failing school, stealing from me and her dad... it’s so exhausting...I feel you....

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @MomOfTwo, thank you for sharing. Your situation with your daughter sounds incredibly challenging. I can tell that you have really tried to do all that you can to support your daughter. It must be so emotionally exhausting to feel as though nothing has been helping. I hope you have some success with the treatment center. Do you feel comfortable sharing what the treatment center will entail? Please feel welcome to let us know how you go

[Mez21]

Hi @Piper 

I feel you are telling my story - so many similiarities.  Everyone keeps telling me it will pass but I'm not sure how much strength I have left to handle anymore.

My nearly 16yr old struggles to connect with peers and adults. She has recently moved schools but her behaviours from her previous school are already starting - defiance, missing classes, shutting down, etc.

She absolutely refuses help from anyone and I really feel if she would just open up and talk to someone she wouldn't be so angry and we wouldn't be the enemy.

She has expressed that as soon as she turns 16 she is moving out of home because home is not a place she wants to be as she is unhappy. My husband & I have already raised two beautiful children who are amazing adults making their way in the world. 

My daughter harbors alot of anger and if anyone tries to talk to her she shuts down. She has started to become verbally abusive towards me with her swearing and foul mouth - I don't think she would do the same with her Dad.

I have tried to find so much help but with her resistance there is not much anyone can do for us and I am so fearful she will leave home - not sure if I should let her walk or try and stop her.  I have no idea where she will go and how she will support herself.  Such a scary time.

I'm normally a very upbeat person but this is breaking me and my husband and I feel she is creating a wedge between all family members.

I hope things work out for you and I am willing to listen to any advice. 

Good luck - hang in there!

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Mez21 

Thanks for this post, I'm sure @Piper will really appreciate your response and knowing they aren't alone  

This sounds like a really hard situation your family is in. I understand you would really like your daughter to speak to someone about what she is going through, have you tried to engage with any professional supports before? I think you've got a good idea, let us know if you want to chat through some options for this.

It could also be an idea (apologies if you have already done this) to chat to the school about your concerns and see if there is some support they can offer. Sometimes having a chat to her wellbeing/year coordinator can offer some insights and they might be able give some guidance and support, is this something that might be possible?

I can understand it must be quite concerning that she is talking about really wanting to move out soon. When she talks about home not being a happy place for her, does she ever give you any more indication of what she means when she says this? Sometimes digging a little deeper into what this means and why can open up the conversation, is this a conversation you (or even someone else in her life) could have with her?

I'm sorry to hear about the intense impact this has had on you and your husband, it must be really upsetting for you both. If you wanted some more personalised support, we offer a one-on-one parent coaching service that could be worth looking into. And if you wanted to chat to someone over the phone about how you're feeling and what you're going through, parentline is a service that offers counselling to parents.

 I hope this is helpful, let us know how you're going 

[Mez21]

Thanks so much for your email.

She has recently changed schools and the new school (plus her previous school) are/were so supportive in trying to find us the help we need.

It all comes down to her not wanting to engage with anyone which makes it hard to get started on any repair to our relationships.

She thinks home is a toxic place because we have rules and boundaries. I admit, that I'm probably a bit strict but that comes from a place of her not being trustworthy. She wants freedom to do whatever she wants with her friends and thinks I shouldn't check up on her or check that there are other parents that will take care for her.

I get she is trying for her independence but she is going about it all the wrong way and I can't make her see what she is doing. She thinks we are pushing her away.

I'm at a complete loss with her - the struggle is real - I just want my daughter back.