15 year old not going to school

[Rose_1]

Hello, I am at a very difficult point where my son who is 15, in year 10 at school refuses to go (this has been going on for the past 8 months or so). He has more time off then goes. I try to explain to him the importance of going, most days he will get ready for school but then doesn't go. I pack his lunch, get him up each day. some days he wont get out of bed. I restrict the net usage also, no net during the day and limited at night, it doesn't seem to make a difference. I get no support from the school, I only hear from the school if I contact them and when I do they just throw a threat of taking my son to court and me getting a fine. I try my hardest to get my son to school but he just doesn't go. I am at my wits end, it is effecting me, making me question myself, stressing me. I love my son more then anything and want the best for him, he just acts like its all a big joke and doesn't care. I have tried to get him to counselling but he refuses to go. I really don't know what else i can do. 

[Maruko]

I believe u2 had sat down n talked abt the issie. Do u know why he is not going? Any under lying problem? Got bully? Grade got worse that he felt discouraged? Any issue with a particular teacher? Others?

[Rose_1]

We have spoken on many occasions, I do not believe he is being bullied and I don't think its any thing other then he cant be bothered. He is an intelligent boy, normally gets average grades. He will apply himself to home assignments and do them really well. I asked the school if he could complete some work at home but they refused. He has many friends, socialises occasionally.  He has always been very stubborn, when he decides something it is hard to change his mind. 

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Rose_1 and welcome to the ReachOut Parents Forums!

Thank you for reaching out to talk about some of the experiences your family is going through. I'm hearing that schooling is a real challenge and your son is not attending- I can imagine that would be a point of stress for your family  

I think @Maruko has raised some great questions to explore the reasons why your son may not be attending school. Sometimes these sorts of behaviours are also a compounding of a number of different reasons too. 

It sounds like you have been trying really hard to get him to school, and it is understandble to be feeling really lost right now. You've mentioned you have tried speaking to the school to find some solutions such as working from home, but that these suggestions have not been received by the school. Can you tell us a bit more about your son's experience with school before he stopped attending? How did he engage with the school? Was he happy where he was, and when did the behaviour change?

It is great you are speaking with your son and keeping that line of communication open Has he spoken to someone for professional support before? 

School refusal is a topic so many parents here can relate to. I would encourage you to have a look at some of the other community posts here to hear from other parents going through something similar. You are not alone

[Alexendra]

Hi Dear I would say !!! Firstly try to understand his problem , Realize him you are with him , if there is any problem then he can share with you . Maybe there is another reason or problem which he doesn't want to share ,,..

[Rose_1]

Hi @Jess1-RO, thank you for your reply. I understand that people always assume that this kind of behavior is due to being bullied, or something else that happened at school and i know that is the case for some kids but it inst for my son. I have a very close relationship with my son, we talk about things and I am confident that if there was ever an issue he would tell me. I really believe he just cant be bothered going, he isn't mature enough to understand the consequences for his actions nor the stress that it brings me. I have tried many times to get him to talk to someone but he refuses to go saying he has nothing wrong and that he just doesn't like school, things like its boring, i dont learn anything etc. I guess it started about a year ago that he was going less, but this year it has escalated to hardly going. I know that it is seen as the parents responsibility to get their kids to school but when you dealing with a stubborn teen there is no chance, i do not understand how I am expected to make it miraculously happen. He has always been a good student, excelling in English and history, now it is different because he is missing so much work.He seems to make friends easily and has some that he will see outside of school. I think that because he seen his cousin leave school in year 9 a few years ago and see's that he works etc, my son believes its all very easy to leave school. 

[Maruko]

I totally understand what you said "when he doesn't want to go that you cannot force him", he's 15, most probably taller than you already! How can you force him?! I have a 15 yrs old boy, I know what you mean. You are doing very good, listen to him, understand him and work on his motive rather than forcing him, which we cannot drag him to school anyway.

I think 15 should be able to understand what are the consequence if they quit school now, such as hard chance getting into uni, less education means less chance of professional work, means more labour kind of job plus possible lower income etc. I think a 15 years old should understand all these.

Ever think of finding him a part time job at fast food chain or somewhere? Since he has more free time now, would it help if he can have a taste of "labour job"? Hoping to bring him back to the reality. Hope it make sense.