A different phone call from school

[Lily17]

Let me say I really loathe parenting. I am over it and want to leave home - I still have 4 yrs before this can happen and yes I am breathing.

A call from the teacher goes something like this : So you know T1 has a girlfriend and it has been going on for the past 3 mths and she has asked to get help. She has also been doing xyz and abc.

My version of this has been angry outbursts, laziness, leaving the house and other teen normal behaviours. I am fortunate that generally speaking we have a lot of respect in our house. Violence including verbal is not acceptable due to our past. I have literally asked her what's happening, how's school she is a nerd general stuff we always talk about. None, zero, the end..

I am gay and understand the complications around the emotional trauma, society peer pressure. We both inform each other about things we have read seen etc. I am well versed and of course support her on everything, we do see each others POV mostly. She knows and tells her friends when Mum says No, it means No. She can trust me for everything and she knows it.

Teens are teens they talk to each other thank god! I wait for her to tell me in her own time. So she has some control of things in her life. She does acknowledge that I actually know things.

We are not perfect, I make mistakes admit argue and try not to repeat but I am 100% excellent in repeating and I hope that my girls will be too.

I am screaming in my head the why not, obviously trust issues, her thinking things that I would never do, not feeling comfortable within her own relationship, how did I miss this???? I was mentally coping again but every time I try to talk to her she hides, walks out or is so silent I don't even know she is home. Today I asked her for 5 mins, she argued I told her to forget it and just go. I don't want to talk to her, I feel like a teen putting those protective walls up.

And her SN sister has been bribing her since she found out. Usually I find out the details as they are happening!! Perhaps I should call my psych team who are on speed dial.

[taokat]

Hey @Lily17, sounds like you've got heaps going on at the moment. Life can be bloody challlenging with teens, especially while we have our own stuff going on as well. 

As you say, we're not perfect. But we do the best we can with what we have at the time. 

I found out today that my daughter had been keeping things to herself, because she didn't want to worry me or add anymore stress on my plate. I hadn't considered that perspective before. I just assumed we were close and that she told me everything. It can be a shock to find out they have been withholding from us. I only mention that as a possibility for your daughters silence?

Has the school offered support around what's happening there? It's awesome you have your psych team on speed dial. Definitely give them a call whenever you feel things are too overwhelming. I finally talked to my daughter's counsellor today and feel better for getting stuff off my chest and being heard.