Burn book

[Clare123]

Hi, I'm new to this forum and hope I can get some insight.  I have 6 kids ranging in ages from 8 to 21. I have just found a "Burn book" that my 12 and 14 year old daughters have created.  It lists people that they don't like and then it goes into very graphic details about why they hate them.  There is a lot of bad swear words and such anger - it is quite disgusting.  They call these people very vicious names and I thought I'd raised them to be kind people - clearly not.  I don't know how to address it with them and what the consequences should be.  Any advise would be much appreciated.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Clare123, thank you so much for sharing. I imagine that finding this burn book must have been incredibly difficult for you as a parent. It sounds like a difficult conversation lies ahead and it is definitely a challenging topic to navigate. Generally speaking, you could talk about appropriate and healthy ways of expressing emotions. 

I am wondering if you have thought of reaching out to the school counsellor? If they know your children, they may be able to help lead this conversation in a way that is personalised for your two daughters. There are also services like Parent Line which provides counselling and referrals for parents which may be beneficial if you are looking for some extra support during this time. Kids Helpline operates similarly, but for children, in case your daughters would like someone to chat to.

Please feel free to keep us updated 

[Philippa-RO]

Hi @Clare123, I just wanted to see how you're doing?
I can hear how upsetting it was for you to find that your daughters had written a burn book.

You mentioned that you believed your daughters were kind people, which says to me that they must have shown themselves to be kind before, and that this seems out of character. Is that right?
If so, then I wonder why they have done this?
I find with my own teens that if I can manage to hold back my worry or judgement and approach them with curiosity, sometimes it helps them not to respond with defensiveness, but rather to look at their own behaviour and the reasons behind it.
Do you think being curious could help with your daughters?

I also wanted to share some resources from the ReachOut website that may be helpful in your situation, they include some great tips on bullying and modeling positive ways of relating to others. 
I hope these are helpful, and please feel free to touch base here on the forum any time.

[Clare123]

Hi Phillipa.  Thank you for showing concern.  They are kind people which is why it shocked me so much.  They are very PC and want the world to be a better place.  I spoke to my eldest daughter to get some advice on how to handle it and she said don't over react and just talk to them rather than accusing them.  I did and they were very receptive.  They just wanted to express their emotions.  Thank you for the links.  I'll definitely take a look

[Philippa-RO]

@Clare123 it sounds like you approached things in such a sensitive and caring way with your daughters and I'm so glad that they were receptive and the conversation went smoothly. 

[Clare123]

Thank you!  It's so hard sometimes.  My 18 year old is also going through anorexia.  It never ends.  My 21 year old seems well adjust though so I'm proud of her and all my kids for giving life a go.