Help With Adolescent in Toxic Home Environment

[alsark]

Hello,

I am not a parent but am in a guardian role to a 12 y/o girl having serious trouble at home in the Los Angeles area. The girl is in a cycle of violently defying her mothers parenting style (she considers her mother toxic), having the police show up, being taken to a city mental ward, not displaying self/other harm tendencies, getting ejected from said ward, being taken back home (this is usually my role), and starting all over again.

I will not go into the intricacies of the mother daughter relationship but suffice it to say that this is not a sustainable situation as the child escalates her means of removal from her mother every time and it is getting to the point of child services intervention. Both the mother and child are aware and looking for alternatives which usually involves leaning more on my mediation and ability to interact with the child in a positive way. The mother is too distraught to adequately parent at this point and I am not in a position to hold on to the child for longer than a week at a time which acts more as a nice break from hospitals and the home environment. Upon return at some point the mother and child find it too difficult to be around each other.

My question: Is anyone aware of an affordable boarding facility or long term living arrangement for a 12 y/o girl? There seems to be a real gap in services but I am looking for something that isn't a mental ward or a foster home. Anything from a work program on a farm to a community of kids living together somewhere in the US. I know this is a tall ask in a non-pandemic environment but any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you and best regards,

A.

[Hannah-RO]

Hi @alsark 

Thanks for sharing your situation with us, I can imagine this is very distressing for everyone involved and it's great that you are so passionate about getting this young girl the best and most appropriate care. 

We are an Australian based service so I am unable to give specific information around facilities in Los Angeles but I'll make sure this post is left here in case any other users on our forum have any helpful information to share. Is there a childrens or family service currently involved that is supporting you all?

I understand this must be stressful for you as a guardian, support the child and parent through all of this and my heart goes out to you. Are you able to find time to look after yourself as well? 

[alsark]

Thank you for getting back to me @Hannah-RO . Apologies, I saw the .com and didn't realize I was on an Australian based site. I do appreciate the support though.

Yes, there are several agencies involved but they were hand picked by the parent, lean heavily towards physiological/medication based solutions, and don't seem to have anything to prevent the psych ward cycle as it has happened more times than it should have. It just shows how limited the resources for children are here if one does not have unlimited funds or a support network in place. It's hard also to see that not a lot of people are asking the child what she needs.

The child surely would not benefit from two burned out care takers and I am fortunate in that I get to step away and go home at the end of the day and conduct self-care, thank you.

[Taylor-RO]

No worries at all @alsark, we just like to let people know that our referrals and resources are limited to Australia. You are still most welcome to continue posting on our forum.

I am sorry to hear that the resources in your area are not helpful. It sounds like your time with the child is precious and provides them with a break from their home. Do you have any avenues for expressing your concerns or opinion about the child and/or their treatment? We are also glad to hear that you are looking after yourself throughout this! It can be hard to support a family when resources are limited.