Hi, I have two granddaughters who are both in need of counselling but moreso, anger management.

[My3sons]

My two granddaughters are 13 and 15.  They both have anger management issues, more than likely due to their family situation through the years.  I desperately want to help them, but not sure which way to turn.

I had a call today from the school to say one of them had argued with a teacher and then threatened her with the fire extinguisher before actually setting it off.

This will be her SEVENTH suspension this year.  It all boils down to anger - it doesn't take much to make her angry and when she is, it is very hard to stop her.

My younger granddaughter is similar, but not quite so bad.

I would really love to hear from somebody who have had a similar experience.

Many thanks

Marie

[Walter2-RO]

Hey Marie

Sounds like your very concerned about your granddaughters, particularly the older one and just want the best for them. Teenage years is some of the hardest for parents and caregivers.

It does sound like there is a lot of anger in what you describe, however I’m wondering if you ever heard that anger is often actually seen as a secondary emotion. There is usually a primary emotion or emotions behind the anger, and which often manifests as anger. Sometimes it can be that we feel hurt, frustrated, stressed, bored, misunderstood, not heard for example… and the way we often express this is with anger.

What do you think the primary emotion may be for them? Besides anger, what do you think your granddaughter might have also been feeling when arguing with the teacher and making that threat to the teacher?

Sometimes it can be helpful to identify the primary emotions to help figure out what is causing the anger in the first place.

There is a great article on dealing with others who are frequently anger here that may be worth checking out: https://au.reachout.com/articles/when-someone-is-always-angry

All the best