Late Life Parent not coping

[Mum67]

In 2 weeks I'll be 53. I have 3 kids, 21, 19 and 9. 21 and 19 are girls that still live at home, finished studying and not working. 9 is my son with Down Syndrome and Hyper personality. Husband is almost 58 and works hard 6 days a week. I'm really not coping, I'm in full blown Menopause and work 20 hours a week. 21 and 19 only help when it suits them and sleep most of the time. Husband wants to kick them out and fights with them often. 9 is always flat out and needs me for everything. No family to lean on, how can I get 21 and 19 to be more helpful, they always just say NO, not doing it, don't want to. Really don't know where to go from here.....help!!!

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Mum67, thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you have got a lot on your plate and are feeling quite overwhelmed and unsupported. Firstly, I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I imagine it must begin to take a toll on you after a while, especially when you are busy looking after your family. Have you thought of sitting down with your kids, letting them know the impact that this is having on you and then agreeing on some chores that they are willing to do? Rather than asking when the particular chore needs doing?  Just an idea, it may be something you have already tried plenty of times! You also mentioned that your husband wants your 19 and 21 year old to move out - how do you feel about this?

If you are looking for some extra support, there is a service called Parents Line which offers telephone counselling. They also have a lot of resources on their website which may be beneficial for you. I am also wondering if you have thought of chatting to a psychologist? It may help you to develop some new tools, de-stress each week or at least feel like you have someone backing you in your corner

[Walkonby300]

Oh sweet,

The pain of menopause alone without he dodgy emotions of others.. I have no idea who I am or what I am doing or the lack of mouth filter the list as you know wants me to fall into the igloo by myself for the next 10 yrs. My kids have boundaries they also have no door due to poor mental health. My 17 yr SN girl needs me - there is nothing in my tank. Show them the door and take some of the pressure off yourself otherwise like many of us we will sink. We are NOT the fairy mother and you are not alone