Need advice to help my 17 year old daughter

[1solarrae]

My daughter is about to turn 18 she’s only had one other boyfriend and now she’s been dating this kid for six months. She let him have her virginity literally on the first date which was shocking for me Because she was so against it before that. So far the kid seems nice enough but I am very concerned at the amount of attachment that my daughter has with him. Show literally cries multiple times and every day if she doesn’t get to see him that day. He works full-time and she goes to school and works so they see each other about three days a week sometimes four and she just feels like it’s not enough it’s like she Hasssssto be in his presence every minute of the day. Then if he leaves her messages on “read” and Snapchat she or takes too long to reply . She starts questioning if he’s talking to somebody else or if he doesn’t want to talk to her. She has low Self-esteem, I don’t know where she gets that from, her dad and I are divorced and she lives with her dad during the week (Because she wants to be in that school) and me meet during the weekends. We are extremely close she’s not very close with her father. We have a very open relationship and she tells me everything but I am very concerned at the amount of distress she has. Every little thing that he does or doesn’t do. It’s hard to put into words the amount of extreme. I’m trying to convey in a message but it’s very extreme And I don’t know what to do. Is there anything I can do or say to help her get out of the codependency she seems to have with this kid and to maybe love herself some more and do more things for herself! I’m so sad for her.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @1solarrae, thank you so much for sharing. It sounds like your daughter has found someone that she really enjoys spending time with. It must be so difficult for you to feel so sad for your daughter and worried about the codependency that she is experiencing. I am wondering, when she mentions her concerns about being left on read and being unable to see her boyfriend, what is your response?

It is really great to hear that you have a close relationship with your daughter. It is a tricky situation as sometimes these things need to be personally experienced rather than taught by another person. Do you know whether your daughter would be open to talking to a counsellor about this? It might be helpful for her to have a professional space to explore what is beneath her low self-esteem and to share her concerns and worries. You could also try to foster her independence and self esteem by encouraging her to have a life outside her boyfriend. Whether that is spending more quality time hanging with friends/family, engaging in hobbies or doing some self-care activities that she enjoys, particuarly when her mind is preoccupied with her boyfriend.

Please feel welcome to keep us updated

[Fritzbom]

Feel for you so much.. Its such a hard line.. Going through it myself and don't want go push my daughter away and towards him but seriously hate the thought of this constant contact they have.
Hope yours sorts out.. I just put mine down to loneliness and low self esteem

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Fritzbom , thanks for sharing your experience with us here. Sorry to hear that things have been tough for you lately with your daughter. It is great that she has you to support her. If you do want to share more about the concerns you have for your daughter, please feel welcome to create your own thread by clicking 'Start a topic' in the top right hand corner .