TW 13 year old with ADHD

[beadenn92]

Hello, 

Me and my wife are running on fumes. Last month, my 13 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD with a sprinkle of anxiety and depression. We had a feeling, but it was official when he went to the hospital for thoughts of self-harm. He is on medication, but refuses to consult with a therapist/psychologist. First attempt on a video call, he just gave one word answers and didn't seem interested.

My question, is it possible that the medication can make him aggressive or say really dark things? Yesterday, he ordered something for his video game without asking or permission. My wife softly and politely said that was wrong and he needs to ask first. Keep in mind, he took his pills approx. 30 min ago, but he said something harsh and out of his character. He told my wife she is wasting oxygen and should kill herself. I come home from work and ask what is going on to my son. He tells me I am a hypocrite and tells me I too should kill myself with other insults. After reading about ADHD, it is not really him saying these things so my approach was different as I spoken in a calm manner. We told him he may have to go back to the hospital for reevaluation and get the help he needs to express his emotins. He said No and he proceeded to hurt my wife in the arm. I restrained him until he calmed down and his behavior changed within 10 min. He became calm and said sorry to my wife. 

I am so lost on this and we will call the behavioral therapist again today. From a previous incident, the therapist said it was bottled up emotions. 

Any advice would be helpful

Thank You

[Bre-RO]

Hi there @beadenn92 

Thank you for sharing your and your wife's concerns. It must have been such a shock to see your son's behaviour unfold last night, especially since this is so out of character for him. How are you all feeling today? 

It sounds like there's been a lot going on recently with your son going to the hospital, receiving a diagnosis and starting medication. Big adjustments for the whole family to navigate, I'm sure. You mentioned the behavioural therapist believes the behaviour change is due to bottled-up emotions, but you're also wondering if it could have something to do with medication. Chatting with your family GP about this possibility would be a good idea, as adjusting to medication can come with ups and downs. 

I thought it might be worthwhile to share our resources about ADHD and teenagers here. The article I've shared speaks about ADHD can affect your teen emotionally, which you might resonate with. The articles "how to help your teen with ADHD" and "what is puberty like for teens with ADHD" may also provide some good insights and tips.

It's clear that you and your wife are doing everything in your power to support your son. Bringing the behavioural therapist into these discussions when incidents arise is a great approach, and the calm approach is taken when he's emotionally heightened. Do you think it would be helpful to discuss a safety plan with the therapist to prepare for cases when your son may use violence to express himself?

We're here to continue this conversation and provide support. Although you and your wife are exhausted, you're taking all the right steps for your sons well-being. 

[beadenn92]

Thank you for the response. My apologies, this was the 2nd time. The first time he jumped on my wife's back and when we spoke with the therapist, she said it was bottled emotion and continue to give him the medication. We are following up today on the message we left with the therapist. I am not sure if the medication is making him say dark things as well.

I don't know, but I have a feeling something happened while he was at the hospital/behavioral therapy with other kids (he spend the week there) but he screamed he doesn't want to go there. We then asked, he needs therapy as he doesn't believe talking with us is not going to help because we don't understand. We tell him, please talk with someone that you can (therapist). 

Yesterday, I didn't talk much with my son and he asked why I am avoiding him ( he mentioned that to my wife that I am not talking to him). I said I have a lot on my mind and he walked off. I asked if he remember what he said yesterday and he said Yes then switched to No. Also, he asked if I could play with him if I have time. I told him I always have time for him. 

He doesn't want to go to therapy and sometimes we fight with him on taking medication, but he ends up taking it anyway. 

[Bre-RO]

Hi there @beadenn92 

I can see how hard you and your wife are working to support your son despite the challenges. I hope you can discuss this in more detail with the behavioural therapist. Did she get back to your message? 

After reading your response, it sounds like although the behavioural therapist believes bottled-up emotions contribute to your son's recent behaviour, you have questions about whether it's related to medication. What do you think about speaking with his doctor about these concerns? 

You and your wife know your son best, so I'd encourage you to share your observations with all the health professionals involved in his care. It's challenging to continue promoting therapy and medication when your son fights it. I thought you might be interested in looking at this video we created: "what if my teen doesn't want help with their mental health?".

Thank you for updating us, and please feel free to continue if you find it helpful.