TW: pornographic content through social media

[Mummyofrebel]

My daughter is 13. I have always struggled with the phone situation, I feel she is addicted to her phone. Any time I talk about phone limits she breaks down and cries. Previously, I used to do a few hours after school on school days to encourage her to do other things like study or socialise with the family and even help around the house and I'd allow her to have the phone freely on the weekend. At the start of this semester she complained about how lonely she gets without her phone and sometimes she feels like she needa to reach out to friends etc. So I allowed her to have her phone but I've noticed she does nothing but stay in bed on her phone all day and I'd have to nag her for help or to come and spend time with the family or clean her room. Some times she'd be really rude and stay stuff like, I don't want to spend time with you. I shouldn't be forced to spend time with you. Any ways recently, she left her phone unlocked and fell asleep, I saw a friend had shared a pornographic clip with her. I was shocked and angry, I didn't know how to approach the situation. Should I tell her the truth? Take the phone away all together ir out her back on a limiation. Should I check her phone weekly? so she knows I'm monitoring her? I really don't know what to do? Please advise me and her mood swings and negative comments are depressing me and I just can't cope

[Portia_RO]

Hi @Mummyofrebel and thank you for sharing this with us. We're so glad you reached out for some support.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been having trouble managing your daughter's phone use. It can be incredibly tricky to try and establish firm and healthy boundaries with teens around using their phones, especially if your daughter is having a strong reaction when you try to encourage her to take some time away from their screens. If you're interested, feel free to check out these articles on managing your teen's use of technology and supporting your teen to stay safe online.

You also mentioned that your teen has recently been sent some pornographic material by a friend. I can completely understand why this would be distressing for you, especially given that your daughter is only 13. It sounds like it might be useful to talk to your daughter about the content that she's been sent to see what effect it has had on her and to come up with a way to manage these kinds of messages together. 

I'm curious, do you happen to know your daughter's friend who sent the pornographic clip to her? This sounds like quite a serious situation and a very inappropriate message for your daughter to receive, so it might be worth discussing it with the other young person's parents. If you don't know the young person or don't feel comfortable talking to their parents, getting in touch with your daughter's school to discuss the incident may be another useful option. 

It sounds like you're having a difficult time right now @Mummyofrebel. Do you have anyone in your life that you trust to talk about this situation with, like family or friends? We'll be sending you an email shortly just to check in, so keep an eye on your inbox.