Hi @WorriedMomOfOne , we're really glad that you reached out for some support. I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has been experiencing harassment at school. it's very concerning to hear that it has been going on for such an extended period, but reassuring to know that her teacher is aware of what's going on and has taken some steps towards managing the situation where they can. It sounds as though this harassment has definitely taken a toll on your daughter's mental health, which is certainly understandable. Is she ever reluctant to go to school because of it? It's great to hear that she's opened up to you about what is going on, it sounds as though there is a lot of trust between the two of you. You mentioned that your daughter has ADHD, autism and possibly depression, so I'm curious as to whether she is currently receiving any support from a psychologist or school counsellor? It seems like she could definitely benefit from the chance to talk through what she's experienced and learn some new strategies for managing the intense emotions and changes in mood that are coming along with it.  We'll be sending you an email to check in shortly, so keep an eye on your inbow    ... View more

Hi @WorriedMomOfOne , thank you so much for sharing yours and your daughter's experience here. I'm sorry to hear that your daughter's father has not been particularly supportive of her sexuality - as a young LGBTQIA+ person myself I can certainly understand how that might lead her to feel concerned about how she will be received by the rest of the world. Does your daughter have much contact with her father? On the other hand, it sounds as though you are doing everything in your power to ensure that your teen feels accepted for who she is and who she loves, which will undoubtedly go a long way in allowing her to build confidence and comfort in her identity. Having a safe space at home to be yourself is a huge part of learning to be comfortable in your own skin, so you should be incredibly proud that you're creating that kind of space for her. If you're interested, my parents shared their experience of raising and supporting a young queer person through the coming out process in our Supporting Your LGBTQIA+ Child - A Parent's Perspective event, so feel free to check it out.  ... View more

Hi @Kim-1986 and welcome to the online community! I'm incredibly sorry to hear that your daughter has been having a tough time with socialising lately, it sounds as though there has been a lot of change in her life and social group this year, some of which has been particularly traumatic. How did your daughter cope in the wake of losing her friend in the accident? Loss and grief can be a difficult thing to process for the first time as a young person, and can definitely make it more challenging to want to interact with friends and peers. If you're interested and think it might be useful for you, Kids Helpline here in Australia has some great resources on supporting your child or teen after losing someone, so feel free to check it out.  It also sounds as though there have been some other transitions in your daughter's friend circle, with one of her friends spending a lot of time at college and looking after their mum while others are managing pregnancy. I wouldn't be surprised if your daughter is struggling to work out where she fits in all of this and what her friendships might look like moving forward as her peers take on these very adult caring responsibilities. You mentioned that your daughter has given up her apprenticeship and that college perhaps wasn't for her - does she have any plans of what she might like to do for work in the future? Perhaps re-engaging with what her goals are and what she would like her future to look like might help her to discover and get curious about who she wants to be as a young adult. It's great to hear that your daughter is enjoying talking to a boy online, but I can certainly understand your concerns about this holding her back in terms of face-to-face interaction and getting out of the house. I'm curious as to what your daughter might be getting out of this relationship and whether she finds a certain sense of stability in talking to this person now that so many other things in her life have changed? Wishing you all the very best with your recovery from surgery, and please feel free to keep us updated on how your daughter is doing.  ... View more

Hi @kiddos , I just wanted to jump in here and say that it's wonderful to see that you want to help your kids to make some lasting friendships now that you've bought a house and been able to settle in one area. I can definitely understand why moving around might have made it difficult for your kids to hold onto friendships, but it sounds like this might be a great opportunity for them to have a fresh start and begin cultivating some strong friendships. You mentioned that both of your children have struggled with making friends - have either of them been able to create any new relationships since you've settled in one spot? It can be tough being the new kid, but I would highly recommend that you check out the resources @Pho-RO has recommended as this might be a good starting point for discussing with your kids what they find difficult about making friends and how moving around has impacted their ability to hold onto friendships. As for supporting them as a parent, getting them involved in extracurricular group activities like sports teams, bands, or social groups can be really a really helpful way to encourage your kids to make new friends. Having a set activity to complete, like rehearsing for a performance or playing a game, can reduce the anxiety kids might feel around making small talk and knowing what to say to other young people. It also means that they will have an opportunity to see and interact with the same kids on a regular basis and share in a common interest. Do your kids have any hobbies or interests they might be able to explore? Having a safe place to land at home can also be incredibly important if your kids are feeling isolated at school or struggling to make friends. It sounds as though you're very in touch with how your kids are feeling and that you're doing everything you can to be there for them, so I'm sure that this support will go a long way in making them feel heard and connected at home. All the best @kiddos, please feel free to keep us updated on how things are going.  ... View more

Hi @Sandee , I'm really glad you reached out for some support, it sounds like your son's behaviour over the last 6 months has really taken its toll on you. I can completely understand your concern for your son and your possible frustration when he doesn't keep you in the loop about where he is or when he fails to communicate with you. It sounds as though you've tried to set some really clear and frankly very reasonable boundaries with him, but that he's completely ignoring them at the moment, which must be tough. You mentioned that all of this started around 6 months ago - was there anything in particular that might have prompted this shift in your son's attitude, or did it seem to come out of the blue? It's great to hear that you made an effort to seek some psychological support for you son, so I'm really sorry to hear that he's refusing to talk to the psychologist you found. Did he provide any explanation for why he believed she was a 'scammer'? I'm curious as to whether his reluctance is directly related to this particular psychologist, or whether he's unhappy with the idea of talking to anyone about what's going on for him.  You also mentioned that your son has been quite rude to you and your husband as well. What does your partner make of all of this? Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to outside of the family about what's going on? If you think it might be useful for you, we do have a Parents Coaching Service which provides 1:1 support for parents of teens aged 12-18 that need some extra support, so feel free to check that out if you like.  I'm sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you lately. I'll be sending you an email to check in, so keep an eye on your inbox, and please feel free to keep us updated on how you're doing. You're not alone in all of this  ... View more

Hi @Worriedmun , I'm so sorry to hear that you're doing it tough at the moment. It sounds as though you are trying to be as supportive and compassionate as possible towards your daughter, but that that same understanding is not always reciprocated from her end, which must be a tough thing to experience as a parent.  I can hear that you're trying to balance your concerns for your daughter and her wellbeing with your own needs and feelings right now. You mentioned that you're trying to let go to protect yourself, but that can be an incredibly difficult thing to do when you're a parent as you're always going to worry in some sense about your kids and how they're doing. What would letting go in a healthy way look like for you? It sounds like your interaction with the mental health team didn't go quite as you'd hoped - I'm sorry it wasn't more useful. While advice about letting go is lovely in theory, knowing how is a much trickier question. It sounds as though you might benefit from having an opportunity to talk this through with someone face-to-face so that they can give you some tools to cope with looking out for your daughter while also taking care of yourself. Have you given any thought to the idea of seeing a psychologist? If you need help finding one in your local area, you can check out the Australian Psychological Society's Find a Psychologist search engine. Alternatively, Ask Izzy offers some great resources and service suggestions based on the kind of support you think would be most useful for you right now, so feel free to take a look there as well.  Sending all my best your way @Worriedmun . I'm going to check in with you via email as well, so keep an eye on your inbox  ... View more

Hi again @RachelB , from what you've explained here it sounds as though your daughter is quite reluctant to go to school at the moment, which must be incredibly hard for you to manage as a parent. I'm curious as to how long your daughter has been pushing back against the idea of going to school? You mentioned in your other thread that her self-harm began around the same time that she started high school - has she been struggling with school refusal since then too? You mentioned that you think that anxiety and avoidance might be involved in your daughter's school refusal - has she mentioned anything in particular that might make her anxious about going to school?    ... View more

Hi @RachelB , I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has been struggling with self-harm. It can be heartbreaking to see your child in pain and to know that they are hurting themselves, so I can completely understand why you would be feeling distressed by all of this. Do you have any sense of why your daughter might have started self-harming at the start of high school? Has she been struggling with making friends or any bullying? It sounds as though you're being quite proactive in looking for support for your daughter, but that she's not particularly keen on going to counselling. Has she explained why she might be reluctant to talk to someone?  ... View more

Hi @Girlfriday123 and thanks for reaching out for some support. I'm sorry to hear that your child has been struggling to go to school due to their anxiety and depression. It can be incredibly hard for young people to manage these kinds of mental health challenges while also fronting up to school everyday, and you are certainly not alone in struggling with your teen's school refusal and attendance issues. Has your teen given you any sort of indication as to why specifically they don't want to go to school? Is it primarily because they are struggling to manage their anxiety or depression while they are there, or are they having a hard time at school socially or academically as well? I'm also curious about what kind of support your teen has for their anxiety and depression. Are they currently seeing a psychologist or or counsellor? If you think it might be useful for you, we have a community discussion page on school refusal which has some great information and links to our school refusal resources. One of our psychologists has also written an Ask a Professional thread answering another parent's questions on managing school attendance, which might be a helpful read too. Feel free to check these pages out if you like - there are a lot of parents who have been finding it difficult to encourage their teens to attend school consistently, so hopefully you are able to find some comfort and guidance from the other members of our community too.   Please feel free to keep us updated on how your teen is doing and know that we are here to support you along the way  ... View more

That's all for tonight folks! If you are looking for some extra support for your LGBTQIA teen, or have questions about how you can support them, here are a few resources that might be right for you: The Trevor Project TransHub QLife Resources Supporting teens with their sexuality - ReachOut Sexuality and teenagers - ReachOut ... View more

How do you show your support for your LGBTQIA+ child? "I often think if I was any more supportive of my LGBTQIA+ child, I’d be a walking rainbow. I’ve done the little stuff like putting my pronouns in my work emails, and walking with Portia in Mardi Gras, which was a really special experience. But I think the larger and more important work of supporting her comes in just being her parent – loving her unconditionally and being there for her no matter what. For me, you’re the same parent from Monday to Sunday, you need to be your kid’s biggest cheerleader no matter who they are. When it comes to gay kids, you think about them and what they need from you, just like you would with anything else. Being part of a minority, LGBTQIA+ teens might want to talk to you about different things, and there may be some new ideas and information you need to get across, but at the end of the day, it’s still parenting. There is no rulebook when it comes to raising a queer child, but there isn’t a rulebook for raising any child. You will say the wrong things, and do the wrong things, but if you’re coming from a place of love and are willing to circle back around and learn from your mistakes, then you’re doing a good job.  When Portia first came out to me, and through everything that followed, she was looking for me to tell her that everything was going to be okay, so that’s what I did. I made sure that she knew we would get through whatever happens together, and that we love her unconditionally, and that she is our priority. I made sure that our home was a safe space and that when she came through those front doors of our home, she could be herself and she would be okay – our kids have to feel safe somewhere, and home should be that place." What's your favourite part of having a queer daughter? "To me, this is a hard question to answer, because my favourite part about Port is just that she’s my daughter, gay or otherwise. It’s all fun, and I’m the most proud just to be a part of her life and to share in these experiences with her. I look forward to the day that she gets married, and the day that I become a grandparent if she decides to have children. These experiences might look a bit different compared to other families because she happens to be gay, but this is what our life and our family looks like. It’s ours, and that’s what makes it so very special. I wouldn’t change a thing." *** My Mum has always been my rock when it comes to navigating my mental health and matters of the heart. She has a special way of making me feel safe and comfortable to talk about what it's like to be a queer young person, and goes out of her way to make me feel seen and heard. She assures me that I am the same as everyone else in our family, while also honouring and celebrating my differences. I wish I'd told her about what I was going through sooner, but I'm forever grateful for the way she handled it and for her constant reassurance that I matter and I am enough, just as I am. - Portia  ... View more

Did you know many LGBTQIA+ people when your child came out? How did you know what to say and how to support them if you weren’t particularly involved in the queer community? "We didn’t really have many friends in the queer community. I knew a few people who we thought were likely to be gay, but people generally didn’t come out in our area at that point in time. I didn’t have a lot of reference points for what it meant to support a gay teen, but all I knew was that I needed to support Portia as a person, just like I would with anything else. I’ve always been the kind of person that says “this is who I am, you either like it or you don’t” and this is something that I tried to instill in her when she was going through this process too. The people who knew her and loved her would always be there, and the people that cared about her sexuality really didn’t matter.  With that being said, there were some things I didn’t know. I remember looking up gay clubs with Port when she moved to the city because she was desperate to meet other queer people and possibly start dating. I didn’t know where to find young LGBTQIA+ people any more than she did, but I wanted to help her as much as I could and was glad that she was finally letting me be a part of this side of her life. Having a gay daughter has meant that I’ve had to stay open to learning, because there are things that I don’t know. Port has educated me about what kind of language to use, the importance of pronouns, and lots of other ideas about gender and sexuality – listening to your kids and letting them educate you is a huge part of gaining their confidence. I also think it gives them their power back as well, so I always wanted to give her the space to tell me 'this is how I feel, and this is who I want to be'".   Lots of parents worry about their teens in the early stages of coming out and discovering their identity, as it can be a difficult time that impacts their mental health. Does it get better? "In our situation, it certainly did. Sometimes I still worry about how years of bullying impacted Portia, but she’s very comfortable with who she is now, both with her sexuality and as a person more broadly. The more support your kids have around them, and the more diversity they are exposed to, the less they will feel as though they will have to have to hide themselves. Being honest helped with Port’s mental health, as conformity went against who she was as a person. I think that’s where shame and confusion comes in. It’s a very pure thing to love another person, and coming out is your kid standing in front of you trying to be honest about who they are going to fall in love with. If my child can find love in this world and if someone can love them back, that’s an amazing thing. Personally, I would have felt worse if Port had have experimented with guys and went out with boys that she didn’t want to date to try and fit into a box, because in my eyes, that’s more detrimental than anything she faced along the way. I also think Portia’s pride in herself and confidence in who she is has come with age and maturity, as she’s had time to settle into who she is. I don’t ever talk about her as my gay daughter, she’s just my daughter. I always talk openly to my friends and colleagues about her girlfriend, but I never make her sexuality the forefront of who she is, just like I don’t introduce Bella as my heterosexual daughter. There have certainly been added burdens in Port’s journey because of her sexuality, but we navigate these together as a family."     ... View more

You raised your LGBTQIA+ teen in a rural community, and continue to live in a regional area now. Do you think this has made your family’s experience more difficult? “We have always lived in a small town, so we were used to how quickly word travels in a community like that. We didn’t care what other people had to say. I remember having a discussion with Matt and saying that if people have something negative to say about our daughter and who she is, that we know where we stand with them and that that’s it, and he agreed completely. If people didn’t accept her, then they don’t accept us as a family and we are done. We drew a line in the sand at that moment and have lived by that ethos ever since. To us, Port is no different today than she was before she came out, but it’s hard when you’re in a community where there aren’t openly gay teens, or even adults for that matter. We sent our girls to a Catholic school, and we knew of gay teachers who lived together and had to hide their relationships to keep their jobs, and others who couldn’t tell anyone about who they were for fear of what might happen. This is not good for our kids, to have queer people feeling as though they have to hide who they are to keep living the way they want to. I remember when we moved to the city with our daughter, she asked me where all the lesbians were, because they were supposed to be here. Young people need that visibility to know that it’s okay to be who they are." You have a straight daughter and a gay daughter. Do you parent them differently? "No, I love them both equally. I parent them both in a similar way, and any differences in how I approach them has more to do with their personalities than their sexualities. When it comes to dating, everything is the same there too – I tell them both how I feel about the people they are dating and whether they are good for them, and I invited their partners into our home in exactly the same way, regardless of their gender. Creating a safe space at home was equally important for both of my kids, just for different reasons. I also worry about both of my kids in the same way now that they’re adults. They are both young women living in a city on their own, so their safety will always play on my mind, but I also probably worry about Port when she is out with her partner as well, since they are both young women and I don’t want people to give them a hard time. I guess you just worry about your kids, full stop." ... View more

Did your teen have a difficult time at school because of their sexuality? How did you navigate this as parents? "Yes, she had an incredibly difficult time, and unfortunately, because she was being incredibly private about what she was going through, I didn’t realise the extent of the bullying she was experiencing until much further down the track. One person in particular that she went to school with worked out that she might have been a lesbian, and they used this information against her in a horrible way for a long time. She didn’t tell me until it was too late, and it broke my heart that I couldn’t intervene and protect her. After she came out, we were able to navigate these things as a family, and having that open dialogue with your child means that you can help, because you can create a safe space at home where they can tell you what’s going on and what they’re going through.  Portia had a really rough time with her mental health in Year 12, and the idea of her coming out to her friends really scared me from that perspective. She was already struggling to keep her head above water most of the time – she was doing her HSC, she was being bullied for being smart, and she was struggling with OCD (which we also found out later) – so I didn’t want judgment about who she loved to be added to all that. There were no out and proud lesbians at her school or in our local community, and if you can’t see it, you can’t be it. There was only one other gay teen at her school, and lo and behold, she was one of the people that was bullying her. Unfortunately, Port’s friends reacted well, but ultimately didn’t stand by her after they knew who she was, and that was exactly the opposite of what I wanted to happen. However, it was the path she needed to take because keeping everything inside was suffocating her and she needed to be true to who she was at this point. It was always Port’s decision who to tell, and Matt and I were always very protective of her right to tell her story on her own timeline. It was really difficult for us to see the way that others responded and spread around her sexuality like gossip, because our immediate and extended family treated her coming out with such a deep sense of respect, and others simply didn’t respect her enough not to take that story away from her.  Before coming out, I felt like I could never reach Port, and I never understood why. A big part of me wanted to just say “I know, and it’s okay”, because I wanted her to be able to share everything that was going on for her. Eventually, she told me that she was finding some great solace on the internet, because it allowed her to connect with the queer community. She showed my a gay couple that she followed on Youtube named Rose and Rosie, and I was so relieved when I searched them myself. In all of this, she had positive role models online of what living a wonderful life as a queer person might look like."   ... View more

When did your child start coming out to other people? What was your biggest concern during this process? "My biggest concern in this whole process was her mental health. It had taken Port so long to arrive at this point of being confident and comfortable in her own skin, that I didn’t want people to treat her differently because of something as inconsequential as who she loved. People at school already treated her differently because she was very smart, and my biggest worry was that this piece of vulnerability and difference would be another thing that people could attack her with. My biggest concern was never her sexuality itself, but how to keep her safe from the rest of the world in this whole process." Did you ever worry about your child coming out too young/too early, and then changing their mind later? "No, I never worried that she would change her mind. If she had come to me years down the track and said that she was actually straight, that wouldn’t have bothered me, nor would it have bothered me if we thought she was straight and then she happened to realise she was gay later in life. I was more concerned about her being confident in who she was, particularly in the early stages of discovering that she was gay. More than anything, I didn’t want her to label herself before she was confident and comfortable in who she was, because I wanted that label to mean something to her. I certainly think that kids can know from a really early age whether they are sexually or gender diverse, and I think it’s all about how you position them during this process. They need to have confidence in knowing themselves, and just like any other young teenager, they need time to develop their sense of self. I often think about whether I did the right thing with my daughter, and whether we did more damage by putting things on pause for a few years. With that being said, I know that the only person who can tell me whether I made the right choice was her, and she told me that she’s appreciative of the time that she had on her own to get comfortable with her sexuality in private. In hindsight, if I could do anything differently, I probably would have asked her to say more when she was in Year 8 that very first time. Portia was a closed book compared to my other daughter, and she certainly kept me at arms length during this whole process, which was really hard for me. More than anything, I wish she didn’t have to through all of this alone, but I also know that she didn’t really have the language to explain her identity to me when it was still forming and when she was wading through so much shame. I see her coming out process like a jigsaw puzzle – she had tipped out all of the pieces, and was trying to fit them together herself, so it was impossible to make someone else see the full picture when she didn’t even know what it looked like yet. That’s incredibly hard for a young person to do. I wish I had have said 'If you think you are gay, let’s talk about it. I accept whoever you are and who you become, but if you want to talk about what’s brought you to this realisation, I’m here.' At the time, I really didn’t want to push things, but as she got older, I would ask Port questions here and there to try and give her an opening to talk about what she was going through. She never took the bait. When she started being asked on dates by boys, I would ask whether she did want to go to the movies with them, and I would get a resounding NO. I didn’t push, and I didn’t ask why, because I knew that the more grounded she became in who she was, the closer we would come to her speaking her truth out loud again. Even though she was getting frustrated and angry about the boys that kept seeking her out, I never wanted to be accusatory and ask her outright if she knew she was gay. I didn’t want it to happen that way for her. It was my job to guard her truth until she was ready." ... View more

My Mum - Lainie  When did your child first come out to you? Were you surprised? “My daughter was in Year 8, and I distinctly remember that it was a Friday night and it was raining. When she told me she thought she might be gay, I was surprised, but I also wasn’t – in our case, I hadn’t known that she was gay all along or since she was a young child, but she had also never been a 'girly girl' either. She was very soft and sensitive, and had never really shown much of an interest in boys growing up or in having a boyfriend. She was never shy around boys, and was happy to talk to them and play with them at school, but they were almost just other people in her universe – she was never particularly drawn to them. At this point, she kind of just treated boys and girls the same as far as I could tell. When Portia told me that she thought she might be gay, I did have a few questions. This wasn’t because I didn’t believe that she was gay or because I had a problem with her sexuality, but I was curious about how she’d come to this realisation and wanted to know more since she had never shown an interest in anyone before, male or female. So, I asked her how she knew and whether this was something that she was confident in. At the stage that she was at in coming to terms with it herself, she really wasn’t sure, and didn’t want to talk too much about it, so it was something that drifted into the background for a while. While she didn’t come out to us again until she was in Year 11, I knew from this night onwards that she was gay. I remember my husband and I lying in bed that night and saying to each other “well, I wasn’t expecting that” but we weren’t concerned, just surprised. When Port did come out to us again when she was 16, it had been a long time coming. It was a relief and all I could think was “thank God, finally”. From that first night she told us she was gay, it had never left my mind as being her truth, and I so badly wanted to ask questions about it as dating drama came up with boys throughout the years. But, I knew that her coming out had to be on her own terms, and that she had to be ready to own it before we would discuss it again."   ... View more

How do you show your support for your LGBTQIA+ child? "I show support to Portia by showing her that it doesn’t matter to me whether she is gay or not. I love her just the way she is and I wouldn’t change a thing. I hope my actions show that. She has a wonderful partner who I treat as one of my own. I am so happy she hasfound someone to love and who loves her. I have marched in Mardi Gras with her as well, which was such a privilege. But just as importantly, its what I do when Port is not there. I call people out on things that are inappropriate or disrespectful towards the LGBTQIA+ community. The more people that stand up for them the easier life will become for them." What’s your favourite part of having a queer daughter? "I have experienced a part of life that I never expected when you first have a child. Marching in Mardi Gras was something that I probably would never have experienced otherwise, and I'm grateful that we were able to do this as a family. Meeting Port's girlfriend, Zoe, has been another huge highlight. They have been together for 5 years, and hopefully one day I will be able to walk her down the aisle to get married as an LGBTQIA+ woman." *** My Dad has always been uniquely aware of how important it is to show support for the LGBTQIA+ community, even when I'm not there to see it. He was the first person to send me a text message when marriage equality was achieved here in Australia in 2017, and it warmed my heart when he told me that this huge milestone in our fight for equality brought a tear to his eye. Despite being a 'guy's guy' who loves a beer and watching the footy, Dad has never shied away from telling people that he has a queer daughter. To celebrate World Pride, he has put rainbow bumper stickers on all of his work vehicles, and gladly pops on a rainbow shirt every year to watch the Mardi Gras parade - Portia  ... View more

You have a straight daughter and a gay daughter. Do you parent them differently? "I would like to think not. But in saying that I think that you develop a different relationship with each of your children. Neither better or worse, just different." Did you know many LGBTQIA+ people when your child came out? How did you know what to say and how to support them if you weren’t particularly involved in the queer community?  "I did know a few LGBTQIA+ people. Mostly through work based relationships. I’m not sure I did know what to say, but I tried to let Port know that we love her for being her. Her sexuality is only a small part of who she is and we love that too." Lots of parents worry about their teens in the early stages of coming out and discovering their identity, as it can be a difficult time that impacts their mental health. Does it get better? "It gets easier as a parent for sure. My major worry when Port came out was how she would be treated by the outside world as I have seen and heard many homophobic slurs and opinions of what is right and wrong, those who disagree with gay marriage and LGBTQIA+ rights in general. The reason I say it gets better is because I have seen Portia find many friends. Some gay, some not. She now knows that she is not alone and is supported by her family, friends, work colleagues."   ... View more

Did you ever worry about your child coming out too young/too early, and then changing their mind later? "Portia indicated to Lainie and myself a few years earlier ( I believe she was 12 or 13 years of age) that she thought she might be gay. At this time it came as a bit of a shock as it was not something I had thought about in depth to be truthful. It was something I wasn’t totally prepared for but never did we try to get Portia to question her sexuality or want her to change her mind." Did your teen have a difficult time at school because of their sexuality? How did you navigate this as parents? "Portia had a very difficult time at school especially in her final years. Her sexuality was a large part of that I believe, as well as the fact that she was a very high achiever and is extremely intelligent so she had a lot of pressure on her to achieve a very high academic goal. I was aware that bullying was effecting Portia's schooling, but maybe I wasn’t aware as much as I should be that it was related to her sexuality." You raised your LGBTQIA+ teen in a rural community, and continue to live in a regional area now. Do you think this has made your family’s experience more difficult? "Having lived in both a rural community while raising my gay daughter as well as living in the metropolitan area recently, I am not convinced it would have been any easier for us as parents in the city. Discrimination against the LGBTQIA+ community is unfortunately everywhere . On the other hand, it may have been easier for Port as she may have had more of a support network outside of her immediate family. There were not a lot of openly gay people in our community, nor were there a lot of support services available for young LGBTQIA+ people." ... View more

My Dad - Matt When did your child first come out to you? Were you surprised?  "Portia came out officially to me on Melbourne Cup Day in 2015 when picking me up from work. We began to drive home and my wife Lainie said that Port has something to tell you. Portia then followed by saying “I’m gay”. I was not surprised at all which was reflected in my reply to her - 'I know'". When did your child start coming out to other people? What was your biggest concern during this process? "From memory it was very soon after this day when Portia shared this news with her aunties and grandparents on her mother’s side. I believe she trusted these people enough and wanted them to know this from her directly as they are very special to her. My biggest concern was that although I knew her broader family and friends love her for being her, I worried that people might say things that could be considered offensive or hurtful, without them even knowing it."   ... View more

Hi everyone! I'm incredibly excited and humbled to be sharing my parents' story tonight, as their support and unconditional love has been a huge part of my journey towards loving myself as a young queer person. When I was around 13, I told my parents that I thought I might be a lesbian, but at that point in my life, I was still deeply ashamed of my sexuality and was not ready to open up completely and honestly about who I was. With my Mum and Dad's ongoing acceptance and patience, I had the time and space to learn a bit more about what being LGBTQIA+ meant to me, and I knew that when I did eventually decide to come out 'once and for all', that my parents would be there to support me.  I'm unbelievably grateful for the support that my parents showed me throughout this process, and am always in awe of the grace and tact they showed during this period of self-discovery. I personally have grappled with a range of mental health issues - some of them have been connected to my sexuality, and some of them have not - and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that my parents' approach to nurturing and caring for me is a big reason that I am still here today. I would now consider myself a proud gay woman, and it brings me a lot of joy and comfort to know that I have a wonderful Mum and Dad standing behind me every step of the way. I hope that you find their side of the story useful, and that it speaks to some of the challenges and uncertainties that come with raising an LGBTQIA+ child. So, without further ado, here's Matt and Lainie's story  ... View more

Hi @Bellalight , I can certainly understand your frustration and disillusionment with the idea of reaching out to more services to try and get support if they are unable to help you get in contact with your kids and rectify the parental alienation that is causing your distress. You mentioned that talking can only get you so far, so I'm curious as to whether you're finding it helpful to share your story and vent your frustrations on the forums? It may provide little solace when it comes to the bigger picture you're facing, but I hope that sharing what you're going through has eased the burden even in some small way.  You also mentioned in previous post that you're not inclined to go back into the court system because of the negative experiences you've had in the past. I think this is completely understandable - it's hard to put faith in a system that has not been helpful before, and to pay such an exorbitant amount of money in legal fees only to have the court orders that are in place be ignored. With that in mind, what options do you think you have moving forward that might be helpful for you and your family? It may or may not be something that you'd like to explore, but if you do decide to return to court, it could be worth looking into Legal Aid to avoid the strain and pressure of paying private solicitors.  ... View more

Hi @Bellalight and thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I'm incredibly sorry to hear that you've had to fight to be involved in your children's lives, and that their mother is making it almost impossible for you to have contact with them. As you said, parental alienation can be an incredibly emotionally draining experience, and often the avenues that are available to fight the disconnection you're facing can be incredibly costly, both psychologically and financially.  It's great to hear that you've been trying to stay connected with your son and daughter's schools so that you have some idea of what's going on for them and how they're doing. It sounds like you are an incredibly proactive parent and that you're doing everything in your power to stay connected to them in any way you can. It must have been incredibly concerning to learn that your son is having difficulties with attendance, particularly given that you aren't able to speak to him and support him freely. What was it like for you when you saw him outside of school and he informed you that he wasn't 'allowed' to talk to you? I'm curious about how you're doing in all of this. It sounds like the last few years have been incredibly stressful and painful for you. It must be incredibly difficult to miss out on important milestones in your kids' lives, like Christmases and the start of high school. Do you have any support in your personal life, or anyone you feel comfortable talking to about what you're going through? If you think it might be helpful, the Family Relationship Advice Line is a national service that can offer advice on managing co-parenting arrangements and might be able to put you in contact with some more local support services. It sounds as though you've tried to exercise every option available to you, so hopefully they can offer some new insights into what you can do from here.  ... View more

Hi @teenagers2 and welcome! Getting teens to help out around the house can be quite a difficult task sometimes, but is a really important way of spreading the burden of household chores and encouraging them to take an active role in looking after themselves as they develop into young adults. If you feel comfortable sharing, what usually happens when you ask your teens to chip in when it comes to washing up? If you're interested, one of our mental health professionals wrote a thread about how to get teens to help out around the house in response to another parent in our online community who was going through something similar. Feel free to check it out here, hopefully you can find some tips and tricks in her response as well as seeing that you're certainly not alone in what you're going through!    ... View more

Hi @Worriedmun , I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through with your daughter right now. It's sounds as though she is really struggling, and that her behaviour is having an impact on you, your partner and the rest of your family. I can certainly understand how having a renewed relationship with her father could be leading to some heavy emotions for your daughter - it can be very difficult to see your parent showing up for others in a way that perhaps they didn't show up for you, and trying to reconcile why that might be happening. You mentioned that your daughter didn't have a lot to do with her father until recently, did anything in particular prompt this change in their relationship? You also mentioned in your initial post that you're planning on going to the doctor to ask for some more help. Is your daughter currently in contact with her GP or a psychologist? It sounds as though she might benefit from some extra support to work through her anger and any other emotions that might be coming up for her right now. I'm also curious as to how you're doing. It sounds as though you're trying to support your daughter to the best of your ability, but that this has been a tough time for both of you. Do you have anyone in your life that you feel comfortable talking to about what's going on with your daughter? You mentioned that your partner often retreats to his own place when things get tough, which must feel a little isolating at times. If you feel as though you need some extra guidance or support at the moment, we offer a one-on-one coaching service for parents of teens aged 12-18 that are going through a tough time which you're more than welcome to make use of.  ... View more

Hi @Wasitmyfault and welcome to the online community! We're really glad you reached out for some support. It sounds as though the new dynamics in your daughter's relationship have been pretty unexpected and somewhat confusing for you, and that you have some concerns about how the addition of a third adult into the household might impact your grandkids. To start off with, I think it's a great sign that you felt as though you could voice your concerns openly with your daughter and ask questions about how things might change now that her and her husband are seeing someone else. It sounds like a positive sign that your daughter and her husband are seeing a counsellor as a step towards navigating this change in their relationship, and hopefully they will be able to pick up some tips on how to explain their new situation to their kids. From what you've said in your post, I can see that you care deeply about your granddaughters. It sounds as though you hold some concerns about your grandkids and how these changes at home might impact their wellbeing, and you mentioned that you can see some red flags. If you don't mind me asking, is there anything in particular about your daughter's new relationship that makes you concerned for your grandkids, or any red flags in particular that have made you feel uneasy? ... View more

Hi @Salems_Journey and welcome to the online community! We're so glad that you reached out for some support. To start with, I want to acknowledge and celebrate how compassionately you seem to be managing your son's ADHD. It's incredibly clear how hard you're working to ensure that he feels supported, which I'm sure goes a long way in helping him cope with difficult situations and emotions. Your son sounds very lucky to have a parent like you guiding him through his experiences with ADHD. I can definitely understand why it must be difficult to manage your son's anxiety about your daughter's behaviour. It sounds like you're doing a great job of trying to explain to him that it's okay for her to act a certain way without encouraging her to change her behaviour or stifle her 'silliness' (which she deserves to enjoy). If you don't mind me asking, is your son currently seeing a psychologist or counsellor? You mentioned that your explanations around your daughter's behaviour don't really register with your son, so it could be helpful for him to talk to a clinician that can give him some tools to manage his anxiety when he's feeling uneasy in these situations. Unfortunately, since ReachOut is a service designed for parents of teenagers from 12-18, we don't have any resources that apply to your particular situation. However, if you're feeling concerned about your son's reactions to and anxiety around your daughter, checking in with your GP could be a good first port of call. Alternatively, the Raising Children Network has some great resources on ADHD and childhood anxiety in school-aged children that might be worth checking out, too.   ... View more

Hi @KariBJ , it's so lovely that you're keen to share your lived experience of estrangement with other parents. I'm sure that plenty of parents would benefit from hearing your story and knowing that they are not alone in what they're going through. Do you feel comfortable sharing a little bit with us about your experience of estrangement? ... View more

Hi @dailystress and thank you for sharing what you're going through. It sounds like it has been difficult navigating your daughter's mental health challenges this year, and that finding these explicit images she's been sending has been quite confronting for you as a parent. You mentioned that your daughter has been seeing a counsellor throughout this year. Has she been finding it helpful? It can be incredibly difficult to open up an honest dialogue with your teen about their mental health, especially if they're feeling irritable or angry a lot of the time. If you're interested, feel free to check out these articles on asking questions that encourage your teenager to talk, effective communication, and supporting your teen through depression which might give you some ideas on how to talk to her about what she's going through. As for the sexually explicit messages that you've seen on your daughter's Instagram account, I can definitely appreciate why this might be difficult for you to see as a parent. It can be very difficult to monitor and encourage teens to use social media safely, especially if they are engaging in sexual behaviour online that they might not want to talk to their parent about. Does your daughter know that you've seen these explicit messages? If not, how would you feel about having a conversation with her about what you've seen? The eSafety Commission has some great resources on the potential consequences of sexting, and you can find some of our tips on how to talk to your teen about sexting here. These conversations can sometimes be tricky and a little uncomfortable, but can be an important way of ensuring that your teen knows the risks of sexting and can weigh up the consequences before choosing to send these kinds of messages to someone else online.  Hang in there, @dailystress . You're definitely not the only parent going through this at the moment, and we hope that you can find some solace and support by connecting with others in our online community.  ... View more