@Mama1234 thank you for sharing your story and offering such a kind message of support. It is so heartwarming to see that you are standing side by side with your 11-year-old while she's navigating these tough feelings. Smashing a laptop with a baseball bat sounds like a great energy release, did your daughter find it helpful?    I completely understand where you're coming from when you say that you haven't fully wrapped your head around why your daughter would want to self-harm. It can be really confusing and difficult to hear that your child is in pain, especially if you're used to parenting a mostly happy teen. Regardless of whether it makes sense or not, I can assure you that you're doing a wonderful job of supporting your daughter without judgment by creating a safe space for her to talk about her self-harm urges and explore some healthier alternatives.    How are you coping with everything @Mama1234 ?  ... View more

Hi @Nsocks and welcome to the online community. I'm so glad that you reached out - it can be really difficult to cope when your teen is self-harming, but you are definitely not alone in this journey. You mentioned that things have escalated lately and that your daughter is struggling with sleep and eating - is there anything in particular that might have prompted these changes, or have they been out of the blue?   You also mentioned that you think she might be self-harming again - are you currently concerned for her safety? When she was self-harming last year, did she talk to you about it?    Thinking of you @Nsocks, please feel free to keep us updated on how you and your daughter are doing.    ... View more

Hi @ODDson ,   That sounds very stressful waiting at home and wondering whether or not he is going to walk through the door. Do you have concerns for his safety when he doesn't come home, or do you usually have some idea of where he might be?    I'm very sorry to hear that the positives are brief while the issues last for hours. I can completely understand why you and your family might be feeling exhausted by the process of managing your son's behaviour - it can be pretty hard to hold onto hope sometimes. What keeps you going when things are tough?    You mentioned that you're afraid that this might be the start of your son going off the rails. How do you think your son would respond to the idea of going to a psychologist or counsellor to help manage his behaviour?  ... View more

Hi @TiredMumof4 , I'm very sorry to hear about your son - it sounds incredibly stressful not knowing where he is and anticipating the legal consequences of his actions. I hope that you are looking after yourself during this time of uncertainty.    As for resources, Shine for Kids put together this guide for supporting children with a parent or loved one in prison, which might help you to support your daughter. Towards the back, there is a list of support services for families who have been touched by the criminal justice system for each state as well. It can be so difficult to explain such adult concepts like bail and detention to kids - does your 7-year-old ask many questions about what is going on with her brother?   Thinking of you in this difficult time @TiredMumof4      ... View more

Hi @my2kidsrock and welcome to the online community!   From what you've said, it sounds like you and your partner are incredibly supportive of your son. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community myself, it's so wonderful to see that you are surrounding him with love and acceptance because that kind of support from parents can make all the difference.    I'm sorry to hear that your teen has struggled with isolation, and that he has started to engage in self-harm, but it sounds like you're doing everything you can to make sure that he stays connected to your family as much as possible. Does your son receive any support from a psychologist or counsellor?   Thanks so much for sharing, I'm sure this has given other users a lot of hope  ... View more

Hi @voicecrowe and welcome to the online community!   I can see that you've deleted your most recent post, but here are a few resources that might be useful for you in your current situation - here's an article on how to be the ultimate step-parent and one on supporting a young person through depression and anxiety.   You seem like a very caring step-mum who is trying to do the right thing by their family. If you change your mind and feel like you'd like to chat about what's going on for you, we are always here to listen  ... View more

Hi @NM74616 , I'm really glad to hear that you've found some support and solidarity in other parents. I can completely appreciate your hesitancy to access the mental health system if you've had some negative experiences with professionals yourself and on your son's behalf, unfortunately not receiving the right support can stay with you sometimes (and rightly so). All in all, the most important thing is that you feel supported, regardless of whether this support comes from.    It sounds like you're doing everything you can to surround your son with as much love and support as possible. As horrible as it is to hear that you too have experienced some tough times, I'm sure that being able to speak from lived experience has given you a lot of insight into how to stand beside him in a meaningful way. He sounds lucky to have you :)    I'm glad that sharing your story with us has been helpful with you. Please feel free to keep us updated and to write about how you're feeling here if you feel it would be useful for you. Sending all my best to you  ... View more

Hi @Gordi ,    Thank you for reaching out and sharing with us what's going on for your son right now. I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling to get him to go to school, but it sounds like you're being very supportive and doing everything in your power to stay involved and encourage him to finish off his education.   You mentioned that your son doesn't want to go to school because of his depression, which I can completely understand. It can be really difficult to muster the energy to do anything when you're depressed, let alone go to school. What do you think your son would need to feel comfortable going to school? It sounds like you've tried quite a few things already, but maybe it could be useful to ask him what changes between night time when he promises to go to school and the next morning when he refuses?    I can definitely understand your concerns about exacerbating your son's mental health by making him go to school. Forcing your teen to do something they don't want to do can be heartbreaking when they're struggling, and can make you question whether you're doing the right thing. While I can't offer insight from the perspective of a parent, hopefully I can give you some hope as someone who experienced depression and didn't want to go to school. My parents used to drive me to school or walk me to the bus stop and watch me get on to make sure that I actually went to school, even when I didn't want to. I used to call them from school and ask them to pick me up, and while they did so at first, eventually they made me stay there. At the time, it felt unbearable and I wasn't very happy about it, but they made it clear that they weren't punishing me or kicking me while I was down - they were simply trying to make sure that my depression didn't steal opportunities from me. If you communicate openly with your son and let him know that he has to go to school, but that you will do everything in your power to make being there as comfortable and smooth as possible, hopefully he will be able to recognise that you are on the same team.    If you feel as though it would be helpful for you, here's the link to our community thread on school refusal. Here, you can talk to other parents who are struggling with school refusal and hopefully gain something from sharing your stories with each other. Hang in there, @Gordi  ... View more

Hi @Im_trying and welcome to the online community    I think that it's a lovely idea for you and your husband to start a savings account for all of your children. It's a great way of signalling to both your partner and your kids that you are one united family, regardless of who you are biologically connected to. How do you think your husband would respond to this idea?    Looking forward to hearing from some other parents in blended families to see how they approach this!      ... View more

@Mommyof3girls that's really challenging that she is not willing to sit down and have a chat. It sounds as though you care about both your daughter and her son's wellbeing, so it's unfortunate that she's not willing to hear what you have to say and open up a dialogue about how your teens and families can support each other. Nonetheless, I'm glad to hear that you and your daughter have a strong support network around you, it makes all the difference when things get hard.     You said that some strange things transpired before their hospital admissions. Do you feel comfortable telling us a bit more about what happened? Are you concerned for your daughter's boyfriend's safety in any way?  ... View more

Hi @Mommyof3girls    First off, I'm very sorry to hear that your daughter is having a tough time and has been in hospital. I hope that she is recovering well.    I'm also sorry to hear that she hasn't been able to see her boyfriend. It sounds like they're both trying to navigate some tough times at the moment, and to not be allowed to see each other on top of that sounds even harder. I can see that you're quite amenable to them contacting one another and supporting each other, so it must be frustrating that his parents are standing in the way of this. What's it been like trying to explain their choices to your daughter and support her while she can't see her boyfriend?    You said that your daughter has reached out to her boyfriend's mum, and that she wanted zero contact between them. Are you in contact with her yourself?    I also wanted to check in and ask how you're doing. I know that having a teen in hospital can be an extremely stressful experience, and that trying to negotiate different parenting styles can be difficult as well. Do you have anyone to talk to while you're trying to support your daughter?  ... View more

Hi @Mumof2grown ,   I’m very sorry to hear that your daughter’s relationship has ended. It sounds as though you were very welcoming towards her ex-partner and made an effort to include him as part of your family, so I can completely understand why it might feel hurtful and humiliating to see your daughter going through this heartbreak.   I often feel as though parents go through the emotional heartache of a breakup with their teen, so I can also completely understand why you might be feeling consumed by these negative feelings towards her ex-partner. It sounds like a sign that you care very deeply about your daughter, and that you hate the idea of her being in pain because of someone else’s actions.   I’m sorry to hear that your daughter has started self-harming again and that her mental health is suffering due to this break up. Is she currently seeing a psychologist or a counsellor? I definitely went through a similar experience during my first break up, and I found that my Mum’s reassurance that this too shall pass helped me to sit with the pain and eventually rebuild my resilience.   The best that you can offer your daughter right now is to sit in the dark ditch with her while she’s hurting, and remind her that eventually it won’t hurt this badly, which it sounds like you are doing. How do you feel about the fact that they are still in contact?    How are you coping with supporting your daughter? Is there anyone in your life you feel comfortable venting your frustrations about your daughter’s ex-partner to?   You are absolutely welcome to post on the forums from the UK! I hope you don't mind, but I edited a small part of your post to ensure that it meets our community guidelines and is safe for other members of the community to read.  ... View more

Hi @MotherOfOne , we're glad that you reached out. How are you feeling after yesterday? I can imagine that receiving a call from the emergency department about your daughter would have been quite distressing, so I hope that she is okay and that you've been able to take a moment for yourself to recover.   I'm very sorry to hear what your daughter is going through at the moment, it sounds as though she is trying to cope with quite a number of things at once. You mentioned that she is blaming herself for her father's passing, which sounds like an incredibly heavy burden for a young person to shoulder, as well as a difficult experience for you to try and support her through.    I'm feeling quite concerned for your wellbeing too, @MotherOfOne . You mentioned feeling traumatised by your own life, which is quite understandable given that you are trying to manage emotionally and financially while also supporting your daughter. It sounds like you're doing the very best you can, as a mother and as a person, in an incredibly difficult set of circumstances. Is there anyone in your life that you trust and feel able to talk to about what is going on?    I definitely hear what you're saying about expensive and overloaded psychology services. I am from a small town myself, so I know how difficult it can be to find the right help in these areas without paying a fortune. If you feel like it would be useful for you or your daughter, Feel the Magic is a free grief support service for young people struggling with loss. They have a great resources hub that might be helpful for you. Otherwise, Standby offers specific services for people who have lost someone to suicide, a lot of which are free as well. See what you think, and if you need any extra support finding services in your local area that work for you, please let us know.    Sending all my best to you @MotherOfOne . You are not alone in this.  ... View more

Hi @Mbfwt and welcome back to the online community. I'm very sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling through an abusive relationship at the moment. I can imagine that that would be very hard to watch as a parent, but it sounds as though you're being very compassionate and empathetic towards her situation, which I'm sure would go a long way in making her feel supported. You mentioned that your daughter thinks that the only way out of her situation is to end her life. Are you feeling concerned for her safety at the moment?     I've noticed that you're from Australia, so if your daughter feels as though she would like to talk to someone about her relationship and get some additional support, she may find it useful to call 1800 RESPECT, which is a counselling line for issues such as intimate partner violence. Otherwise, WESNET is the national peak body for domestic violence if she'd like to check that out as well. Aside from offering her resources, creating a safe space at home for her to talk about her what she is experiencing is a great help, which is sounds like you are already doing.    How are you coping with everything that is going on for your daughter right now? Do you have anyone to support you while you're supporting her? ... View more

Hi @Maria46 ,   It sounds like you've been able to get to the core of your daughter's dislike for school, which is a great step in the right direction. Does your daughter have any ideas of what she would like to do for work in the future?   I'm glad to hear that there is no bullying at play, it sounds like you and your daughter have very open lines of communication.      ... View more

Hi @johnsjacob1 and welcome to the online community!   Recovery from alcohol addiction can be a tough journey, but is certainly something that can be managed and overcome with the right support. Are you looking for support for yourself, or on behalf of a teen?   I've noticed that you're posting from the US. Unfortunately, since we are an Australian organisation, I don't know of any specific services in your area that specialise in addiction, but here's our list of services for international users if you'd like to take a look. Have you or your teen considered getting in touch with a counsellor or a psychologist to talk about addiction and discuss your options?  ... View more

Hi @DoodleBug , thanks for reaching out!   I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling to make friends and that you and your partner are struggling to get her to try new things. Has she been seeing a psychologist or a counsellor to help with her anxiety?   It sounds like things have been really difficult for you this year - trying to support your daughter is a huge challenge, let alone when you have your own health issues to manage at the same time. What have you been doing to look after yourself while you're dealing with all of this?  ... View more

Hi @ConcernedMum79 and welcome to the online community!   First off, I'm really sorry to hear that your son is refusing to go to school and that he is pushing your limits around this. It sounds like you're doing the very best you can and exploring as many options as possible to make going to school more comfortable for him. Has he expressed any particular reason for not wanting to go to school?    I'm also sorry to hear that your experience with your son's first counsellor was not all that helpful, either. It can be tricky finding the right fit with psychologists and counsellors, so hopefully something more constructive comes of this new referral you're looking for.    I can assure you that you are not alone in struggling with your son's school refusal. If you're interested, there is a thread here about school refusal where other parents have shared their experiences with children and teens who do not want to go to school.    This sounds like a very stressful situation to manage, so I am really feeling for you. Do you have any support to cope with everything that has been going on?  ... View more

Hi @tijerotmoz , thanks for reaching out. I'm very sorry to hear about your son's suicide attempt, I can completely understand why you've changed a lot after such a huge life event. How are you and your son both doing now?   It's so lovely to hear that you want to make a comfortable home for you and your son, it sounds like you care very deeply about making sure that he has a safe space at home. Have you spoken to him about how he might like his new room to look?      ... View more

Hi @Vestaria , were are so glad that you've reached out for some support    I'm so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with your daughter's school refusal. I can completely understand why you're feeling frustrated and unsure of what to do next - it sounds like you've been doing everything in your power to support your daughter to get to school, but she just isn't responding. Is she still seeing her child psychologist?   You're definitely not alone in this. If you feel like taking a look, here is a link to our community thread on school refusal where other parents have shared their challenging experiences with getting their teens to go to school. There's also an article on helping your teen who refuses to go to school if you're interested, it has a few tips on what to do when you feel like you've tried everything.    It sounds like you've been managing your daughter's challenging behaviour around going to school for quite some time. Do you have any support in place to help you cope with this?  ... View more

Hi @Mominpain , how are you going?    I've been thinking some more about your daughter's situation and I found it interesting that she chose not to publish the Tiktok videos that you found on her phone. Perhaps she is using these videos as a form of journalling? I know that when I was a teenager, I would journal regularly to express my thoughts and get them off my chest, and some of these were darker thoughts that I didn't want to discuss with my parents in case they became more concerned than I was.    I can definitely see that you checked your daughter's phone from a place of love and concern, which is understandable since she's had some mental health challenges in the past. I also agree that bringing up the videos could damage the trust you have built with her since teenagers can be very protective of their privacy, and it may be best to have a conversation with her without mentioning the videos. I know that you've said she gets frustrated when you question her about what's going on, which makes having this kind of chat even more challenging. If you're interested, here are a few articles about asking questions to open your teen up to talking and some more subtle tips for finding out how your teen is going.   I can see that you're doing your very best during this tough time, and we are all thinking of you      ... View more

Hi @indigorain , I'm so sorry to hear that your son has said these awful things to you. It sounds incredibly challenging to go from having a close connection with your son for 15 years and then for this distance to emerge between you, so I can completely understand why this is bringing you so much pain.   I'm glad to hear that your son is safe with his dad but I'm sorry that he has been attempting to make you feel guilty as well. What have you been doing to look after yourself while all of this is going on? ... View more

Hi @Marshmallow, I'm very sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time with your daughter. It sounds exhausting constantly trying to help and support her, particularly when she's challenging you at every turn. You are not a terrible parent for struggling and feeling overwhelmed by this, I can see that you have a lot of love for your daughter and are simply doing the best that you can under some difficult circumstances. What are you doing to look after yourself at the moment?   I'm also sorry to hear that the psychologist wasn't able to provide much advice. It's really disappointing after you spent so much money on an assessment not to find any closure or practical guidance. How are you feeling about their recommendation for your daughter to try some counselling sessions?    Sending all of my best to you during this difficult time. You are not alone  ... View more