Hi @Emzoh90    I'm certain that this is not the way you'd hoped to see your kids, but I'm glad to hear that you're still able to spend some time with them at your mother in law's place. I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is to leave them each day.    With everything that's going on for you, I can definitely understand why it's difficult for you to keep pushing through and do things like going to work. It would be hard to try and focus on anything else when you're fighting for your kids, especially for such a prolonged period. What do you do to look after yourself when you aren't at work or with you kids?    That's great to hear that you've been in contact with your GP, but I'm sorry that the waiting list is so long for counselling at the moment. In the meantime, if you think it might be useful for you, it might be worth checking out Relationships Australia. They have some great resources for parents who are trying to regain custody of their children and how to cope in the meantime.   Please feel free to keep us updated on how you're going, thinking of you. ... View more

Hi @searching4    Firstly, we want to welcome you to the ReachOut Online Community and we are really glad you found us. It sounds like it has been a difficult and unpredictable time for you, you son and your family. It must be heartbreaking to see your son experience anxiety in such an unpredictable way, especially when he appears to be doing everything possible to heal.    I am curious around whether you have an open line of communication with your son's psychiatrist and even a family doctor? It can take time to find the right balance of therapy, medication, and lifestyle elements that work together for an individual's recovery. Having an open communication with your son's health practitioners can help all parties understand what is working and also what is not working. This resource might also be valuable for you to review that explores a range of anxiety disorders and how they impact young people and how we can support our young people impacted here.   In terms of your question around how anxiety presents, it is difficult to answer as anxiety can show up in different ways for people and it can take time for the individual impacted to understand what triggers a relapse. Therapy is an excellent space to learn what might trigger an attack, as well as how to manage an episode when it occurs.   I am also curious how you are doing with all this as well? It must be very hard to watch your son go through these episodes and feel almost helpless around how to prevent him from having to experience this every few weeks. I really want to commend you on the steps you have taken so far to support your son. Getting the right support is instrumental to recovery and it looks like you are keeping a watchful eye on what he is experiencing and how it unfolds. ... View more

Hi @summertime and thank you for reaching out.   I'm very sorry to hear about what has happened with your son and his teacher. The content of the video that she shared with him sounds quite traumatising and incredibly inappropriate, so I'm glad to hear that you reached out to the school principal and made a complaint. If you're interested, it may also be worth investigating your options with the eSafety Commissioner, as this sounds like a really unusual and disturbing piece of content for a teacher to share with students, particularly ones who are as young as your son.   You mentioned that your son is quite sensitive and that you fear he may have found the video quite distressing. Have you spoken to him about the video and what he might have seen?    You also mentioned that you're unsure as to whether this experience is a deal-breaker and whether you should move your son to a different school. I can completely understand your hesitation and uncertainty after this incident. This sounds like a really tough decision to make, particularly if you've only just transferred him to this school recently. What options do you feel like you have moving forward?  ... View more

Hi @TaylorMS1986 and welcome to the online community!   That sounds like a very difficult situation with your step-daughter. I can completely understand why you're feeling exhausted - it sounds very draining trying to give her reassurance and manage her anxiety when she's convinced that something is wrong.    It also sounds tough balancing your own views of the situation with your partner's. It sounds like he's quite concerned about hurting his daughter's feelings, but that hiding his true feelings hasn't been particularly helpful for her since she's still continuing to worry and self-diagnose. How do you think your partner would react if you told him that you're quite worried about your step-daughter and you'd like to explore getting her some psychological support?    With all of this going on, how have you been coping? Taking some time for yourself and getting some respite can be a really important part of 'staying sane' while supporting a young person who is struggling. Is there anyone in your life aside from your partner that you can talk to about what's been happening? If you think it would be useful for you, feel free to check out our article on looking after yourself when you're teen is in distress as there are some good tips in there (but please keep in mind that the services listed are Australian as we are an Australia-based service).  ... View more

Hi @Baileydog2020 , I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through with your son, it sounds like it's causing you a lot of pain. How do you think he would react if he knew just how much his actions were hurting you?    In terms of finding some emotional support, is there anyone in your life that you trust and feel like you could talk to about what's been going on? It may also be worthwhile seeking out some help from a counsellor or psychologist, so feel free to check out the Australian Psychological Society's database for finding psychologists if you think that some extra support would be helpful for you.    With everything that's been going on at home, I hope that you're being kind to yourself. It sounds truly heartbreaking to feel this sense of distance between you and your son, but please know that it is not your fault as it sounds like you are a loving and caring parent who only wants to love and support their teen.  ... View more

Hi @mazmaz , that sounds like a tricky situation with your daughter. It can be really challenging to set up clear boundaries around social media use (let alone monitor them) because teens can be so private about the choices they make online. Have you and your daughter had a discussion about what expectations you have of her when using social media and communicating with people online?    I'm sorry that things escalated to the extent that the school had to become involved but you're right, perhaps this will help her to recognise that pretending to be someone else online and requesting photos can be very damaging. How did your daughter respond to the school becoming involved and you finding out what she did?   I can imagine that it's really tough to know that your teen has acted in a way that doesn't align with your values. How are you feeling given everything that's been going on?    If you think it might be useful, here's an article on how to prevent your teen from engaging in social media bullying. I'm certainly not trying to label your daughter's behaviour as bullying since I only know a few details about this situation, but the article has some handy tips about talking to teens about how they choose to use their online accounts so feel free to check it out.  ... View more

Hi @Elfin and welcome to the online community. Your son sounds like quite the character - reading about his stuffed animal zoo made me smile. I'm so sorry to hear that he is struggling at school at the moment and that he's experiencing low self-esteem at such a young age.    I can completely understand why you're finding it hard to cope at the moment. It is one thing to hear that your child is struggling at school, but it's another thing to work there and be privy to what's going on firsthand. Do you have anyone you can talk to about what's going on for your son and how its affecting you? You also mentioned that you aren't in complete agreement with what the other teachers say about your son. What's that like for you?    I can see here that the best parts of your weekends are family time and heading to the beach, which sounds absolutely lovely. It's great that amidst all of this you're able to hold onto some small moments of joy. It sounds like your son is in a similar boat and that home is a safe place for him where he can be himself. Don't underestimate the value of creating an open and accepting place for him to come home to after a tough day at school, sometimes that kind of support can make all the difference. Hang in there @Elfin , we are thinking of you. ... View more

Hi @Stress-head , I'm sorry to hear that your son is experiencing some social anxiety at the moment. It can be really tough to make and maintain friendships in early adulthood, but it's great to hear that he's involved in something like SES that would give him a sense of purpose and indirectly makes him connect with others. You mentioned that he doesn't want to go and see his GP and that he isn't particularly receptive to any advice. How do you think he would respond if you offered to go to the doctor with him? Perhaps having some support in the room could ease some of the burden of talking about what's going on for him.    If you think it would be useful for him, here's an article on things to try for anxiety as well. Despite his resistance, it sounds like you're doing a great job of supporting and encouraging your son. It can be hard to access support when you're feeling anxious, but it seems as though you're giving him all of the tools necessary to get some extra help when he feels ready to do so.  ... View more

Hi @Bummedmom , I think having a discussion with your son and reminding him of your values as a family and what consequences are on the table if he chooses to go down that path is a great idea. It sounds like you have a very open relationship with your son and that you've built a really strong foundation of trust, so hopefully he is receptive to what you have to say and understands where you're coming from.    I'm glad to hear that you and your husband have been supporting each other while you navigate this situation, and that you're doing fine. I really like the approach that you took with your older son with regard to smoking - I think that encouraging your teens to learn for themselves what the negative side effects of smoking cigarettes and other substances is a great way to show them that you aren't just trying to be punitive, you're trying to encourage them to do what's best for their health and wellbeing.    If you think it might be useful to you, here's the link to one of our articles about talking to teens about drug use. It sounds like you're already doing a great job of having these kinds of open conversations, but feel free to check it out nonetheless.    Keep us posted on how your discussion with your son goes!  ... View more

Hi @Nathalia123 and welcome to the online community!   I think it's completely normal for a teen boy to cry if he hits his head - that sounds like it would hurt! Has this happened to your teen or someone you know?    If this is something that has happened and you're feeling unsure about the extent of your injuries, I'd encourage you or your teen to seek medical attention if you feel you need to.  ... View more

Hi @ImNotOk , we're glad you found us and reached out.    First off, I want to say how sorry I am for what you have been through with your son in the last few weeks. It's unbelievably challenging to ever see your child in pain as a parent, but this sounds like it has been a truly harrowing experience. I'm sorry you've had to go through that, but I'm very relieved to hear that your son is doing okay and that he's open to receiving some outpatient and rehab support.    You mentioned not knowing how to deal with the guilt of what has happened, and it seems as though you've been questioning how things might have looked if you had done a few things differently.   Although these words might not resonate with you right now, please know that this is not your fault.   As you mentioned earlier, you couldn't afford to send your son to a treatment centre earlier on, and you also had no way of knowing that he was awake in the early hours of the morning when you thought about sending him a text. If you had had the resources to do so, or if you had have known that he was awake and needed to talk, there is no doubt in my mind that you would have done so, because it sounds as though you love him very deeply and you're always ready to offer him support. Hindsight can be unrelentingly vicious and can wreak havoc on your mind, but I hope that in time your feelings of guilt will subside because they are undeserved - you sound like a great parent who would always, always show up for their son.    How are you coping after everything that has happened? Is there anyone in your life that you can talk to openly about how you're feeling, or perhaps a psychologist or counsellor that might be able to help you through as your son continues to recover?    I'll be thinking of you @ImNotOk . I hope that things continue to improve from here and that your son gets well soon. Guilt and shame can't survive when they're dragged out into the light, so I hope that sharing your story has been helpful for you and that you can see that you're not alone. Sending all my best to you    P.S. I edited some of the details out of your post to ensure that they are safe for the rest of the online community to read. This can be a really tough subject to talk about, so if you need any advice on how to post in a way that's not too distressing for others, feel free to check out our community guidelines.  ... View more

Hi @dmer21 ,   First off, I want to say that I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through with your partner's son. It sounds as though you're trying to be supportive and understanding of what he has been through with his mother, but that his behaviour has become really overwhelming for you. I'm sorry that things have escalated to this point, but I'm really glad to hear that you're putting some strategies in place like talking to a counsellor to look after yourself.    From what you've said, it doesn't sound as though your partner sees a problem with his son's behaviour, which is really tough. Does your partner know how significantly this situation is impacting your mental health?    I can completely understand your confusion here, @dmer21, and I want to reassure that it's okay to feel a bit suffocated and overwhelmed by your partner's son's behaviour. Feeling this way doesn't mean that you don't care deeply for your partner and his kids, it may simply reflect a difference in parenting styles and different opinions on what behaviour is acceptable. You mentioned that you're feeling ready to take your daughter and leave at the moment, which shows me just how much you are struggling. In an ideal world, how would you like to see this situation be resolved? What would you need from your partner and his son?    ... View more

@Mama1234 thank you for sharing your story and offering such a kind message of support. It is so heartwarming to see that you are standing side by side with your 11-year-old while she's navigating these tough feelings. Smashing a laptop with a baseball bat sounds like a great energy release, did your daughter find it helpful?    I completely understand where you're coming from when you say that you haven't fully wrapped your head around why your daughter would want to self-harm. It can be really confusing and difficult to hear that your child is in pain, especially if you're used to parenting a mostly happy teen. Regardless of whether it makes sense or not, I can assure you that you're doing a wonderful job of supporting your daughter without judgment by creating a safe space for her to talk about her self-harm urges and explore some healthier alternatives.    How are you coping with everything @Mama1234 ?  ... View more

Hi @Nsocks and welcome to the online community. I'm so glad that you reached out - it can be really difficult to cope when your teen is self-harming, but you are definitely not alone in this journey. You mentioned that things have escalated lately and that your daughter is struggling with sleep and eating - is there anything in particular that might have prompted these changes, or have they been out of the blue?   You also mentioned that you think she might be self-harming again - are you currently concerned for her safety? When she was self-harming last year, did she talk to you about it?    Thinking of you @Nsocks, please feel free to keep us updated on how you and your daughter are doing.    ... View more

Hi @ODDson ,   That sounds very stressful waiting at home and wondering whether or not he is going to walk through the door. Do you have concerns for his safety when he doesn't come home, or do you usually have some idea of where he might be?    I'm very sorry to hear that the positives are brief while the issues last for hours. I can completely understand why you and your family might be feeling exhausted by the process of managing your son's behaviour - it can be pretty hard to hold onto hope sometimes. What keeps you going when things are tough?    You mentioned that you're afraid that this might be the start of your son going off the rails. How do you think your son would respond to the idea of going to a psychologist or counsellor to help manage his behaviour?  ... View more

Hi @TiredMumof4 , I'm very sorry to hear about your son - it sounds incredibly stressful not knowing where he is and anticipating the legal consequences of his actions. I hope that you are looking after yourself during this time of uncertainty.    As for resources, Shine for Kids put together this guide for supporting children with a parent or loved one in prison, which might help you to support your daughter. Towards the back, there is a list of support services for families who have been touched by the criminal justice system for each state as well. It can be so difficult to explain such adult concepts like bail and detention to kids - does your 7-year-old ask many questions about what is going on with her brother?   Thinking of you in this difficult time @TiredMumof4      ... View more

Hi @my2kidsrock and welcome to the online community!   From what you've said, it sounds like you and your partner are incredibly supportive of your son. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community myself, it's so wonderful to see that you are surrounding him with love and acceptance because that kind of support from parents can make all the difference.    I'm sorry to hear that your teen has struggled with isolation, and that he has started to engage in self-harm, but it sounds like you're doing everything you can to make sure that he stays connected to your family as much as possible. Does your son receive any support from a psychologist or counsellor?   Thanks so much for sharing, I'm sure this has given other users a lot of hope  ... View more

Hi @voicecrowe and welcome to the online community!   I can see that you've deleted your most recent post, but here are a few resources that might be useful for you in your current situation - here's an article on how to be the ultimate step-parent and one on supporting a young person through depression and anxiety.   You seem like a very caring step-mum who is trying to do the right thing by their family. If you change your mind and feel like you'd like to chat about what's going on for you, we are always here to listen  ... View more

Hi @NM74616 , I'm really glad to hear that you've found some support and solidarity in other parents. I can completely appreciate your hesitancy to access the mental health system if you've had some negative experiences with professionals yourself and on your son's behalf, unfortunately not receiving the right support can stay with you sometimes (and rightly so). All in all, the most important thing is that you feel supported, regardless of whether this support comes from.    It sounds like you're doing everything you can to surround your son with as much love and support as possible. As horrible as it is to hear that you too have experienced some tough times, I'm sure that being able to speak from lived experience has given you a lot of insight into how to stand beside him in a meaningful way. He sounds lucky to have you :)    I'm glad that sharing your story with us has been helpful with you. Please feel free to keep us updated and to write about how you're feeling here if you feel it would be useful for you. Sending all my best to you  ... View more

Hi @Gordi ,    Thank you for reaching out and sharing with us what's going on for your son right now. I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling to get him to go to school, but it sounds like you're being very supportive and doing everything in your power to stay involved and encourage him to finish off his education.   You mentioned that your son doesn't want to go to school because of his depression, which I can completely understand. It can be really difficult to muster the energy to do anything when you're depressed, let alone go to school. What do you think your son would need to feel comfortable going to school? It sounds like you've tried quite a few things already, but maybe it could be useful to ask him what changes between night time when he promises to go to school and the next morning when he refuses?    I can definitely understand your concerns about exacerbating your son's mental health by making him go to school. Forcing your teen to do something they don't want to do can be heartbreaking when they're struggling, and can make you question whether you're doing the right thing. While I can't offer insight from the perspective of a parent, hopefully I can give you some hope as someone who experienced depression and didn't want to go to school. My parents used to drive me to school or walk me to the bus stop and watch me get on to make sure that I actually went to school, even when I didn't want to. I used to call them from school and ask them to pick me up, and while they did so at first, eventually they made me stay there. At the time, it felt unbearable and I wasn't very happy about it, but they made it clear that they weren't punishing me or kicking me while I was down - they were simply trying to make sure that my depression didn't steal opportunities from me. If you communicate openly with your son and let him know that he has to go to school, but that you will do everything in your power to make being there as comfortable and smooth as possible, hopefully he will be able to recognise that you are on the same team.    If you feel as though it would be helpful for you, here's the link to our community thread on school refusal. Here, you can talk to other parents who are struggling with school refusal and hopefully gain something from sharing your stories with each other. Hang in there, @Gordi  ... View more

Hi @Im_trying and welcome to the online community    I think that it's a lovely idea for you and your husband to start a savings account for all of your children. It's a great way of signalling to both your partner and your kids that you are one united family, regardless of who you are biologically connected to. How do you think your husband would respond to this idea?    Looking forward to hearing from some other parents in blended families to see how they approach this!      ... View more

@Mommyof3girls that's really challenging that she is not willing to sit down and have a chat. It sounds as though you care about both your daughter and her son's wellbeing, so it's unfortunate that she's not willing to hear what you have to say and open up a dialogue about how your teens and families can support each other. Nonetheless, I'm glad to hear that you and your daughter have a strong support network around you, it makes all the difference when things get hard.     You said that some strange things transpired before their hospital admissions. Do you feel comfortable telling us a bit more about what happened? Are you concerned for your daughter's boyfriend's safety in any way?  ... View more

Hi @Mommyof3girls    First off, I'm very sorry to hear that your daughter is having a tough time and has been in hospital. I hope that she is recovering well.    I'm also sorry to hear that she hasn't been able to see her boyfriend. It sounds like they're both trying to navigate some tough times at the moment, and to not be allowed to see each other on top of that sounds even harder. I can see that you're quite amenable to them contacting one another and supporting each other, so it must be frustrating that his parents are standing in the way of this. What's it been like trying to explain their choices to your daughter and support her while she can't see her boyfriend?    You said that your daughter has reached out to her boyfriend's mum, and that she wanted zero contact between them. Are you in contact with her yourself?    I also wanted to check in and ask how you're doing. I know that having a teen in hospital can be an extremely stressful experience, and that trying to negotiate different parenting styles can be difficult as well. Do you have anyone to talk to while you're trying to support your daughter?  ... View more

Hi @Mumof2grown ,   I’m very sorry to hear that your daughter’s relationship has ended. It sounds as though you were very welcoming towards her ex-partner and made an effort to include him as part of your family, so I can completely understand why it might feel hurtful and humiliating to see your daughter going through this heartbreak.   I often feel as though parents go through the emotional heartache of a breakup with their teen, so I can also completely understand why you might be feeling consumed by these negative feelings towards her ex-partner. It sounds like a sign that you care very deeply about your daughter, and that you hate the idea of her being in pain because of someone else’s actions.   I’m sorry to hear that your daughter has started self-harming again and that her mental health is suffering due to this break up. Is she currently seeing a psychologist or a counsellor? I definitely went through a similar experience during my first break up, and I found that my Mum’s reassurance that this too shall pass helped me to sit with the pain and eventually rebuild my resilience.   The best that you can offer your daughter right now is to sit in the dark ditch with her while she’s hurting, and remind her that eventually it won’t hurt this badly, which it sounds like you are doing. How do you feel about the fact that they are still in contact?    How are you coping with supporting your daughter? Is there anyone in your life you feel comfortable venting your frustrations about your daughter’s ex-partner to?   You are absolutely welcome to post on the forums from the UK! I hope you don't mind, but I edited a small part of your post to ensure that it meets our community guidelines and is safe for other members of the community to read.  ... View more

Hi @MotherOfOne , we're glad that you reached out. How are you feeling after yesterday? I can imagine that receiving a call from the emergency department about your daughter would have been quite distressing, so I hope that she is okay and that you've been able to take a moment for yourself to recover.   I'm very sorry to hear what your daughter is going through at the moment, it sounds as though she is trying to cope with quite a number of things at once. You mentioned that she is blaming herself for her father's passing, which sounds like an incredibly heavy burden for a young person to shoulder, as well as a difficult experience for you to try and support her through.    I'm feeling quite concerned for your wellbeing too, @MotherOfOne . You mentioned feeling traumatised by your own life, which is quite understandable given that you are trying to manage emotionally and financially while also supporting your daughter. It sounds like you're doing the very best you can, as a mother and as a person, in an incredibly difficult set of circumstances. Is there anyone in your life that you trust and feel able to talk to about what is going on?    I definitely hear what you're saying about expensive and overloaded psychology services. I am from a small town myself, so I know how difficult it can be to find the right help in these areas without paying a fortune. If you feel like it would be useful for you or your daughter, Feel the Magic is a free grief support service for young people struggling with loss. They have a great resources hub that might be helpful for you. Otherwise, Standby offers specific services for people who have lost someone to suicide, a lot of which are free as well. See what you think, and if you need any extra support finding services in your local area that work for you, please let us know.    Sending all my best to you @MotherOfOne . You are not alone in this.  ... View more

Hi @Mbfwt and welcome back to the online community. I'm very sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling through an abusive relationship at the moment. I can imagine that that would be very hard to watch as a parent, but it sounds as though you're being very compassionate and empathetic towards her situation, which I'm sure would go a long way in making her feel supported. You mentioned that your daughter thinks that the only way out of her situation is to end her life. Are you feeling concerned for her safety at the moment?     I've noticed that you're from Australia, so if your daughter feels as though she would like to talk to someone about her relationship and get some additional support, she may find it useful to call 1800 RESPECT, which is a counselling line for issues such as intimate partner violence. Otherwise, WESNET is the national peak body for domestic violence if she'd like to check that out as well. Aside from offering her resources, creating a safe space at home for her to talk about her what she is experiencing is a great help, which is sounds like you are already doing.    How are you coping with everything that is going on for your daughter right now? Do you have anyone to support you while you're supporting her? ... View more

Hi @Maria46 ,   It sounds like you've been able to get to the core of your daughter's dislike for school, which is a great step in the right direction. Does your daughter have any ideas of what she would like to do for work in the future?   I'm glad to hear that there is no bullying at play, it sounds like you and your daughter have very open lines of communication.      ... View more