Hey @FarGoneConcl ,   I can imagine you have a million things going through your mind all at the one time while also juggling 'the rest of your life'. It can be exhausting, but the fact that you are reaching out for help just shows what a loving and concerned parent you are xx   I was thinking if you son wanted to start a 3D business and is seeking support for this idea, then why not ask him to put a business plan together? It doesn't have to be a million page document like the banks would ask for, but could be as simple as start up costs, target audience, how he would market it, expected income, etc. Sometimes asking them to put a bit of research in makes them have a really good look at what they need to do to become successful in their chosen task. I know that has worked for both my kids in the past and they get a really good understanding of what they are trying to do.  I find this then puts them back in control which can be really empowering and help with their confidence.   I hope that my suggestions are coming through to you as support and ideas and not like I know exactly what I am doing. I am just trying to share what has worked for me in the past. I know that what I have found success with will not work for everyone.   But if there is something in what I say that you can use or may not have though of then it's at least something. Sometimes it is just about sharing and brainstorming together xx ... View more

Hi @Portia_RO ,   Thank you for the positive feedback, I really wasn't expecting it 😊   Thus far our limited financial support hasn't bothered him too much as he spends most of his free time playing X-Box in his bedroom....argh! That is a problem within its self.    We have had a couple of discussions about work as he is warming up to the idea as a lot of his friends have now gotten part time jobs around school. They are no longer available to play video games as often.   We have found his biggest issue is not wanting to be somewhere 'front of house' as he is aware of his anxiety around dealing with new people in a changing situation. We have suggested that maybe he might feel comfortable working 'back of house' at a fast food venue like McDonalds or KFC where he doesn't have to deal with customers and making the food will get easier and easier the more he does it.   Our son is now open to me helping put his first resume together and we can go and drop it in around our area. Fingers crossed 🤞 ... View more

Hello FarGoneConl,   I have a boy / girl set of twins just about to turn 16. My son has Asperger's while my daughter has not. I can not tell you how many times I am accused of favoring or allowing certain behaviors. I tell you this so you know you are not alone xx   My daughter has recently gotten a job and is enjoying the benefits of  part time work - money and a fuller social life!. As she has shown this step of maturity and commitment, she has unlocked the door to further freedoms that come with 'growing up'.    Our son on the other hand has not, and when we speak to our son about getting a part time job and doing more than playing x-box in his bedroom, he too like your son will lash out and bring on an all in war until his father and I drop the subject. It is so very difficult. It's hard to know what is the Asperger's and what is just bad behavior. Welcome to life on the spectrum!!!    From my experience, we have found honesty to be very effective. For example, we have always told our son that he will most likely have to work harder than most to fit into this world, and that the world will make no allowances for him. And that first steps will be a bit scary (as he does not have the ability to 'imagine' how things might be). But his father and I will always be his biggest supporter cheering him on all the way.   So, now we are trying to help / coax him into getting a part time job. We have pointed out the obvious benefits, not only money, but learning new skills, meeting new people (although this is confronting) as well as a sense of achievement he will feel. We have started to roll back how much money the twins receive from us and have told them at 16 we will no longer pay for outings with their mates as this is what we 'all' work for. We will continue to pay for the necessities, but they will need to pay for their wants. We are hoping that if nothing else, necessity will force his hand.   It is a possibility that you could set a date with your older son when your financial support will be sized down? You could still support the necessary, but no longer give him money for socializing, dinners out, etc ?    With your younger son, maybe take him out for dinner and have a frank and honest conversation, letting him ask questions, share his feelings and no doubt make accusations on how he feels you parent the boys differently. I have done this with my son who was having issues with how he thought our parenting was inconsistent between him and his sister.  We allowed a respectful, but no holds barred conversation to take place so he could tell us exactly what he thought. We answered his questions, explained that sometimes we do have to parent them differently due to them being different people, with different personalities. But also, sometimes we were just going to disagree on some issues. When he is a parent he can make different decisions if he so wishes. All parents do the best they can with the information and knowledge they have at the time.  While this is a simplistic action, I believe it made our son feel respected and heard. Even if he didn't like or agree with some of our answers.   I don't know if what I have shared has helped and I genuinely hope it has, but I wish you all the best. Honesty and tough love are sometimes the hardest parenting we do and it can feel very confronting, but in the long run I think it is worth it.    Good Luck!     ... View more

Hi Birdwings,   Thank you for your lovely words. It is nice to get some positive feedback in what is a very dividing topic in our community, one mum to another xx   Thank you for the book recommendation, I am an avid reader and will make this book my next priority. ... View more

Hello Taylor,   While I understand this decision isn't for everyone, and it's super scary, I truly believe it was the right decision for our family.   I have found great comfort and support from this wonderful forum with everyone sharing their experiences and vulnerabilities and really wanted to put my experience up so as it might help others faced with the same situation. ... View more

Well for all of you following along, the big event happened Saturday night!!!   To say I was feeling sick and anxious is an understatement. But I am so relieved to advise all went well with no major incidents to report.   He was giggly and silly and his behavior actually reminded me of when he was younger and care free. My son has to try so hard to navigate this world made for "normal" people (he has Asperger's) and often suffers from anxiety and frustration. But Saturday night just for a little while he was stress free. Initially it made me happy to see him smiling and giggling, but then it just made me sad. Just to be sure he was ok, I stayed up until I knew he was asleep.   We followed up the next day and discussed the big event of the night before, and he fully understands this was a one time gig. He has given back all related bits and pieces and we have destroyed them. He knows that if he decides to continue with this behavior there will be consequences.    Am I happy I made this decision - Yes! I am not a fool and know that he may now decide to smoke with his friends, but at least I know if he does decide to do this again (and I sincerely hope he doesn't) I know that he just turns into a giggling fool, no aggression, no paranoia.    But keeping my fingers crossed his curiosity has now been satisfied 🤞   ... View more

Hello Birdwings,   Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. I agree with you that sometimes if we lay the law down too quickly or too harshly then all we get back is rebellion. I am trying desperately to avoid this situation.   It is for that reason, and the fact that my son has been open and honest with me that I have decided to provide a safe space for him in a "one time only" deal. It scares me and goes against my values, but it scares me more with what might happen if he tries it behind my back.   I have made it very clear to him that by providing this oppertunity, it in no way means I'm happy about it or condone the behavior.  I also told him if I were to come across any more drugs, etc then they would be confiscated and consequences issued.   Keep your fingers crossed for me! ... View more

Hi Iona,   Thank you for responding and directing me to the article. I not only read it, but also printed it out and discussed it with my son. I have decided to follow my gut and allow "a one time only" controlled experience and went through the possible side affects, etc with him. This was a great discussion and very respectful on  both sides. I know I am lucky to have this honesty and do not want to do anything to make him start sneaking around and not communicating with me.   Although it goes against all I believe in and feel comfortable with, I have a much bigger fear of my son trying the drug and having an adverse reaction where he is unsupported. It is a nasty world we live in where you don't have to look too far to find trouble, so I will protect him as best I can, while I can.   I'm keeping my fingers crossed he doesn't like it and all my stress will have been for nothing.     ... View more