Teen refusing to come home

[Bexta36]

I am at an absolute loss of what to do.
My teenage son has ran away and refused to come home repeatedly, when he's asked to stay at places, where I don't think it would be good to stay (parties etc).

Now he is home, he refuses to listen to me about times to come home, and getting home some nights at 2.30 am on a week night.

He is drinking and vaping.

He's been suspended from school multiple times.

He had found a group of kids that have been expelled from school, and is with them each night.

I've tried, just allowing him, but asking to be home at certain time, hes refuses to come home at all.

I've tried locking the doors and asking him not to go, which resulted in windows been kicked out and him leaving.

I'm so worried about him.

I don't know what to do, to bring our home boundaries back I to place, and to keep him safe...

Has anyone been through a similar situation that can offer some resources or insight?

[Zig_RO]

Hi @Bexta36, 

I want to start by thanking you for your post and welcoming you to the forums I want you to know that this is a safe place to share your journey and that the whole community is here to support you. 

I want to acknowledge and commend you on your strength and resilience. From what I have read, I can see that your family means the world to you, and you care so deeply for them, it's so incredible and beautiful to see. I want you to be proud of the steps you've taken so far, as well as the step of coming online and seeking support, it can be a really challenging thing to do, especially when a loved one is involved. I'm sure many other community members can agree when I say you are not alone in your feelings and care for your family. 

I am curious to know if you've had the chance to contact your son's school and communicate with them about his behaviour or whether your son has spoken to anyone else about what's been going on in his life?

From what I have read, I can see that your dedication to your son and his well-being is a top priority to you, and I want you to be so proud of yourself for this dedication and understanding of what he might be going through, as well as trusting him through the process and keeping open communication around where he is and what he is doing. 

I can imagine, however, how draining and exhausting this must be for you, and that's ok - you're only human and it's ok to feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders right now.

While your son's well-being is very important, you can neglect your own. I'm wondering if you have any or considered any self-care practices that help you in times of stress and uncertainty? 

I'm also wondering if you have any or have been able to reach out to any support, this could be friends, family - or professionals such as a counsellor or GP. 

Thank you for sharing your journey with us and I look forward to hearing how it progressing, please look out for an email we'll be sending you 

Hope to hear from you soon

[Bexta36]

Thank you so much for your reply.
I have reached our to the school, they are now offering him counselling to begin next term.

I have booked a counselling session with a family counsellor next week, for both of us as well as gp appointment for mental health care plan. I'm now just hoping that he will come to the appointments, as he is refusing any help and won't talk.

I feel powerless, watching him sink. Thank you for your message