Teenage boyfriend issue

[Sadie123]

I'm trying to stop myself from going crazy and this is my last point to reach out for any advice!!!!!
My 14yr old daughter has got herself involved with a boy of the same age who really really is no good.., an this is not me being paranoid I truly know this. He is involved in allsorts an very well known to the police.
This has been going on for around 10 months but after the 1st few months I approached it an told her what I knew an asked her not to have any involvement with him. I now know that this is still ongoing an no matter what I'm doing to try an stop it nothing is going into her brain. I don't let her out so she doesn't even see him but I do this to protect her from this nasty lad. The relationship is more a phone one an whenever I tell her how much its hurting me an making me ill with worry she choses to continue an says I don't understand an that he's a nice lad.... I'm at my whits end

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Sadie123, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing that here with us. It sounds like you are finding yourself in a really difficult situation. There are some other parents who have shared their experience here - if you type keywords into our search bar, you can find similar topics. You can scroll through these yourself but I will include some below. Here they are: 'Daughters boyfriend is not that nice... Any suggestions?' and '18 year old's boyfriend is putting a strain on our relationship'.

We are an Australian service and so unfortunately we cannot offer any services or referral for your country. You are still most welcome to post here and seek support. Have you considered talking to a health professional about what is going on with your daughter? They may have suggestions on how to approach this topic with your daughter 

[compassion]

Hello @Sadie123 

I understand your concern....I really do. Our family has been in similar situations (notice I'm using plural ), and it's tough.  We want to keep them safe, and we want them to make health and smart decisions, and we want them to use that wise part of their brain.  

Have you seen any indications that your daughter's relationship is having an ill effect on her?  Have there been changes to her grades?  Has her friend group changed?  Do you feel she's involved in riskier activities?  How is her emotional/mental well-being (has her confidence/self esteem changed and so on)?    Does she seem able to draw healthy boundaries with him (can she say 'no' to him without fear of 'losing him' or getting him angry)?

You mention that their relationship seems to be phone based, and I wonder if there are guidelines around phone usage that might help decrease your concern (for example, does your daughter have access to her phone all night or does she turn it in at a particular hour; does she have access to social media sites where riskier images could be sent?).      In other words, your hope that she cuts off contact with him might not happen and, if it doesn't happen, what family guidelines could be set that reduce the potential harm?

Please keep up updated.   

[kyr28]

Hi , I just read your post and totally understand what you have been going through!

My 15 year old Daughter is doing the same thing. She is currently suffering from

severe depression, and self harm, she has found herself a boyfriend that is no

good either and is telling her that his life is not worth living but  if she stays in

a relationship with him, he will not hurt himself. We asked her to end the relationship

as they both need to get help , i do not know his parents so I went to his school

as i was concerned about his safety even though i was not sure if it was just his way

of keeping my Daughter from breaking up with him. We have got our Daughter to see a Psychologist to help , and taken all technology away to stop her contacting this boy. After a month we gave her phone back and she went straight back

to contacting him, so we have taken all technology away again. We are only trying

to protect her and get her better but she is just telling us we are making her

miserable, so hard as we dont know what else to do. I hope you are doing ok with your Daughter