Teenage son

[Mumstheword71]

Hi
My 15 year old has just told me he wants to move in with his dad though I know his dad is neglectful in many ways and his dad also fails to communicate with me at all. It is a toxic situation and my son states he hates both homes. This is following me calling out his ongoing disrespectful behaviour to me and hiding in his room with his phone. I am trying to establish good household rules as a ‘family’ but he just does what he wants and contributes nothing. I have been overcompensating for years to make up for where his dad lacks. Unfortunately his dad has had him 50 50 for the last five years. I am hurt as I do everything for my son and he says that I am disrespectful to him. I am struggling as I am kind of confused about how to manage his disrespect with no back up from his father. I have difficulty in managing his kind of aggressive and harsh behaviour as I am quite triggered from previous relationships including the stone walling and gaslighting from his father. I feel like I am failing and am hurting a lot. Any feedback appreciated.

[Bre-RO]

Hi @Mumstheword71 

I’m so sorry to read about this situation with your son and his father. It sounds like you’ve worked very hard to cope with triggering behaviour whilst setting firm boundaries within the home. 

You mentioned overcompensating for years, and I can imagine how difficult it must be to carry all this without the support of your son's father. Do you have any support people in your life that you can lean on during times like these? 

Thank you for opening up with us about your feelings and concerns. I’ve got a few resources and support options that may help you, which I’ll share below: 

1. We offer a free one-on-one parenting support service. You can read about it and book it if interested here. 

2. Relationships Australia is a national support service that provides Family Relationship Services, counselling and much more. You can give them a call on 1300 364 277.

3. We have a range of articles and videos to support parents, which you can check out here. I thought reading this article, “Set realistic boundaries with your teenager.” may be helpful.

I hope those few suggestions are helpful, and feel free to let us know what you think. 

I’m going to send you an email to chat about some of the other concerns you’ve expressed here, so keep an eye out for that when you have time. 

Take care and chat soon.