Hi,
I am new here and hoping for some advice. A bit of background, last year on two separate occasions we found vapes and marijuana on our then 15 year old son. On both occasions we didn't deal with the situation the best, grounded and took away some privileges (e.g PS4 for 2 weeks etc). He told us it was a once off, however he lies so that he doesn't get in trouble.
For his 16th birthday this year we let him have a few drinks, under our supervision. About three months later we found out he had a fake ID. I tried to not be as harsh with this as I had been in the past, as he lies so that he wont get in trouble. I let him keep the ID as I did not believe that he would be able to use it, he does not look 18.
I regularly asked him if he was vaping to which he was always replying no. I found out that he was successfully using his fake ID & drank alcohol socially with his mates. I have explained that I do not condone this & what effects it can have on his developing brain.
On Saturday it all came to a head when we were about to drop him off to a mates to go away for NYE. Moving his bag in the car i noticed a package, which turned out to be a box of 6 vapes, vape oil and a packet of cigarettes. He said they were for mates & the cigarettes he didn't use but it helped him to give up vapes so he was going to smoke then this weekend. We confiscated the items, made his delete his fake ID and sent him on his way with him complaining that this is why he lies to us.
Whilst he was away, again probably the wrong thing to do, we had a look in his room. The very first bag we looked in (less than a meter into his room, just sitting there in the open) we found roughly 6 used vapes, used marijuana items etc. with very little effort we also found 3 empty cruiser bottles & a half bottle of rum in his room and a lot more used vapes.
I know when he returns home today he will be angry and deny all the items are his. Please help us with some advice on how to deal with this situation whilst helping with getting him to be honest about what he is doing. Are we overreacting to him using these items as it is a common thing for teenagers to do? Do we let him drink and smoke but in front of us so that it isn't hidden? he has a job, do we get him to transfer his pay to us and we control his money? His mates have their P's so we don't need to drive him anywhere, they pick him up as we live a fair distance away. HELP PLEASE!!!
