self harming

[Jeong]

Although My 14 years old daughter has been seeing a psychologist regularly last two years, she self harmed few time last year by making little scares on her skin. Last Friday, I’ve received a phone call from her school saying that they noticed her self harming and organised a meeting this Tuesday. She seems feel very confronted about the fact that she has to explain her emotional struggles during meeting. Now I feel lost what I can expect from the meeting as her school seems very concerning about what they’ve found out. I’ve sent an email to school explaining about her struggles and details of arrangements with a psychologist.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Jeong, thanks for sharing. Understandably, this is a nerve wracking and upsetting situation for you both. It sounds like the last few years have been difficult for your daughter. It is great to hear that she has a psychologist supporting her. How is she doing now? When was the last time that she self harmed?

In regards to the meeting, is there anyone you can talk to at the school about what to expect? I think it is normal to want to know what is going to be covered, if not for your daughter, for yourself.

We are here to listen.

[Jeong]

Thank you for your response. I have noticed a small bandage on her arm a week ago and asked her if she is ok. she appears to be cheerful and happy so I didn't want to shadow her effort by bringing her mind back to the topic.

She has been trying hard to manage her emotional struggle by using the strategies that she has learned from psychologists such as excising, organising daily routine, and school work. yesterday. I support her to engage and pursue her interests and actively listen and observe her to make sure she is ok. Today she is busy practicing her new skateboard that we bought yesterday.

When I talked to her about the phone call from the school on Friday she became very emotional and said to me that it is really humiliating and painful for her to repeat her emotional struggle in an open conversation as we already had a few meetings with the school last year. but I can also see the need for the meeting as she has a new wellbeing coordinator at school, and self-harming is a new topic that I and the school hadn't discussed before.

I've sent an email to the new wellbeing coordinator, who gave me the phone call to organise the meeting, explaining how we progressed last year and details of professional support she is getting.

I just feel overwhelmed about the whole situation although I pretend calm and content in front of her.

could you give me some advice on what I can expect from the school and what to ask them to help my daughter at school? Thank you.

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Jeong , I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through. It sounds like things have been difficult for you over the past year as you have been supporting your daughter. It also sounds like you care a lot about your daughter and are helping her get the support that she needs. I can understand why you have been feeling overwhelmed as it is a tough situation that you are in. Do you have any supports around you to help you get through this?

It is great that your daughter has been practicing some strategies to manage her emotions and mental health. You mentioned that your daughter finds the conversations with school to be humiliating and painful. Would there be an option to ask for a school counsellor or psychologist to be present at the meeting? You might find that it helps your daughter feel a bit more comfortable during the meeting. Would your daughter have the opportunity to discuss the meeting with her psychologist? Your daughter and her psychologist might be able to consider some strategies to help make it a more comfortable experience.

You might also want to talk with your daughter about what the meeting will involve and what she might want to get out of it and/or the supports that she might be interested in asking the school to provide. Does that sound like it would be helpful?

[Jeong]

Thank you for your response and thank you for the advice to contact my daughter's psychologist. I've just sent an email to her to ask for advice on the current situation.