Can you be too opinionated

[Tullimbar]

Hello,

I am feeling quite disappointed in myself and need to hear other people’s views in relation to this situation. My daughter goes to a private singing/drama school and a few days ago they had a concert. As myself and family sat through it we noticed that there were a few performers who were given at least 2 opportunities and my child performed once. Mind you she is talented, and a few of those were really bad to the point that you just want to stand up and leave. Following the concert I messaged the teacher/owner that I am happy with my daughter’s performance but a bit disappointed she didn’t get to do a second act when a few less talented than her got to do more. She took offence to this saying how I have no right to comment on her students performance and that I am spreading negative sentiments and how she is trying to build a community and everyone is equal, that my comment could instigate bullying among the kids and competitiveness. When I had no intention of talking about this with other parents, neither do I have any contact with them outside the school. She went way overboard with her reaction in my opinion and I disliked the way she spoke to me in front of my daughter. I told her I have a right to my own opinions and I believe I was just too honest. Would she rather me speak to her or go give her bad comment on social media. And why can’t I critique others performance, some were very good, some average and some shouldn’t be there as is usually the case. Have I been too outspoken? I feel like a failure now that she spoke to me so harshly in front of my child. I feel I have failed her in some way to stand up and give her a better example. I would love to hear your thoughts.

[Stormy-RO]

Hi @Tullimbar and welcome to the community. It sounds like this situation is weighing very heavily on you. I wanted to first of all acknowledge your pride for your daughter and your wish for her to be treated fairly. Regardless of the circumstance, having such a desire to support your daughter is very heartening to read.

I'm noticing that a lot of your feelings of regret come from wanting to be a positive role model for your daughter, and having inadvertently caused such a conflict is leaving you feeling like a failure to her. It's easy to feel like you made a mistake when you didn't know what the teacher's response would have been and you didn't intend to cause harm. I was wondering if you have had a chance to talk about this interaction with your daughter and how she felt about it? It may be the case that she has her own understanding of the situation, or doesn't realise how remorseful you are that she became involved in some way. We have a piece on having difficult conversations with your teen which may give some tips on how to frame a constructive discussion around this event.

Wishing you the best.