Daughter/Son relationship

[Phil0b3dd03]

Hello Everyone,

First time I have posted here and am currently at my wits end.

My 19 year old daughter has a fractured relationship with all four of her siblings and all of them pretty much hate her, which us the first thing that upsets me and my wife but my oldest son (25 years old) is the instigator of most of the problems she has and i feel he has slowly manipulated my younger kids, they are my 17 year old daughter and 14 year old son. Although i must say my youngest son has made his own mind up as my 19 year old is quite verbally abusive to both me and my wife and has formed his own opinion.

Anyway the bottom line is my 25 year old son continues to goad her with little things such as always calling her names, and laughing at her when she sits in the living room, he also does silly things like hide her stuff, and today hang her underwear on our pool table, small things but it is starting to eat away at her esteem and i am getting very angry and am starting to resent my son who should know better as he is causing her distress and is causing both me and my wife harm as we stress constantly about this, i have spoken to him numerous times about this and never works and like i said am starting to resent him, any advice would be helpful as i am at my wits end.

Thank you,

[Bel_RO]

Hey @Phil0b3dd03,

Welcome to ReachOut and thank you for sharing what you’re going through. I can see how incredibly taxing things have been for you and your wife recently. It must be really difficult for you both to witness your eldest daughter being treated the way she is by your eldest son. It is understandable that you’re feeling angry and beginning to resent your son after making numerous attempts to stop his behaviour. ReachOut has a few articles on Family conflict and Teenagers that you might find helpful. 

It is really important to look after your own wellbeing which can be near impossible when you’re going through such a difficult time. Have you and your wife spoken to any friends and family or professional support previously? I encourage you to connect with ReachOut’s 1:1 free parent coaching that might be helpful for you and your wife. 

I can also see that your 19 year old daughter has been verbally abusive towards you and your wife. This would be heartbreaking to say the least and not something you and your wife should be confronted with. I am curious if she has any professional support and if you’ve checked in with your daughter about her wellbeing? I was also curious to know whether you've been able to set any boundaries or consequences with your son about his behaviour if he's not receptive to your previous talks? We have a piece on setting realistic boundaries with teenagers which may help.

An email has also been sent to you so keep an eye out for that!