How do you ask your teenager 'RU OK?'

[taokat]

 Today being the day, R U OK?

My daughter talks A LOT, and I find she is quite open to letting me know when things aren't good via her sullen behaviour. If she's in her room, that's usually her process space so grunts or one syllable 'words' are given, but she's more open to talking if we're in the car, or funnily enough, mainly whilst I'm in the shower! 

My tone of voice and choice of words determines whether she'll talk descriptively or just tell me she hates life. She can pick my mood, so I have to make sure when I ask, I'm ready for the conversation, or she will shut it down.

It works when I say things like, 'you seem really sad" (or whatever it is that I see) and will offer her a hug first up. It fails if I ask her 'what's wrong with you?' It's hard to get it right every time. 

@Chalke5  it must be hard for you mum's of boys - I'm sure it's easier getting girls to talk. Females generally like to share, especially with their mums. Do the boys ever talk to their dad about things? Do you think we can teach boys to open up more or do you think it's a general gender difference?