Hi @Girlfish, welcome to the forums.  I agree with @Sister. I have a son who rarely socialises with friends.  He too attends family outings and is pleasant when people come to visit.  He has been like this since he was about 16 years old.  He is now 19.  He is bright, eats and sleeps well, doing great academically and occasionally goes surfing with his father.  We were troubled at first by what we considered unsocial behaviour however, realised it was us who was worrying and that our expectations were based around what we considered "normal".  Our son seems content and healthy and we have grown to understand his personality and respect his choices.  Hope this is helpful. ... View more

Hi @fineline, welcome and thank you for sharing your story.  You really are going through a tough time with your son.  From what I can understand you are doing all the right things and being guided by professionals.  I too have a son who displayed depressive symptoms at 16 years old and understand the trauma attached to the circumstances for everyone involved.  The difficulty I found was actually sticking to routine.  It can become exhausting trying to normalise everything.   What worked for me was not pushing him and I have two other sons who I treated differently (or as normal as possible) because they were not experiencing the same sensitivity.  I felt that listening to what my son wanted rather than taking advice and acting on what was expected of him was a better option for me and my family.  My son is 19 now and just commenced a TAFE course.  He left school at 16 and has spent the last three years basically in his room.  He was medicated briefly and did engage in psychiatric and psychological help initially. I think this was helpful through the crises period.  I hope my experience is helpful and remember there is no right or wrong way to do deal with this.  I have learnt to be very patient. ... View more

Hi @SASpurs67 just read the thread and it seems that unless you have noticed odd behaviour from your son he may just be browsing the web and being curious (or gathering information for a friend).  My suggestion is having a casual talk about drugs in general, over dinner or while watching TV, so your son doesn't feel you are accusing him of anything.  Letting him know how much you are aware of the dangers may prompt him to ask you questions and give him security.  You may need to do some research on marijuana yourself as my understanding is, it is not addictive, however behaviours are.  Please keep us posted on any outcomes.  Many of us including me have had drug issues with teenage sons. ... View more

Hi @Shadow, welcome to the forum.  I have read your thread and it seems your son does have an issue with authority.  I had a similar issue with one of my sons which started when he was 16 although he didn't bring girls home he was drinking and smoking and experimenting with drugs.  However, when he turned 17 my husband and I decided we would allow him to drink and smoke cigarettes at home.  This meant that he no longer had to sneak around and be rebellious and it also changed his behaviour towards us, we also gave him more responsibility which included him doing his own washing among other things.  Within a short period he stopped smoking and he rarely drinks alcohol.  He is now 19 years old.  I am wondering whether the psychiatrist has given a label for your sons behaviour or whether your son is benefiting from psychological help.  We found the treatment offered by both these professions to worsen symptoms and not really all that helpful.  However, I understand that for others, particularly family therapy can be most useful. ... View more

thanks @taokat and @Nick-RO, feel better after hearing your stories.  take care and catch up soon. ... View more

Thanks @Nick-RO love your dog! ... View more

Yes that routine with walking the dog sounds great and I get that you would always feel better after doing it.  Exercise has that feel good feeling. ... View more

I love that you have found the gym as a source of time out @taokat, good on you.  Finding something that works and sticking with it is great.   ... View more

The guilt is the bit that I feel I need to get over! Will work on that. ... View more

That's right @Nick-RO and countless times I have offered that advice to others. ... View more

The other point is that self care reflects something that we have to do for ourselves, something I do for me.  What I really want is for someone else to take the load off.  This does sound a bit selfish, but wouldn't it be nice for a neighbour or family member to offer to do something.  Although I  have not done this for anyone else the thought is always there. ... View more

I hear you @taokat and welcome @Nick-RO however, what  I find most difficult is if someone in my family is suffering  how can I enjoy myself.   ... View more

I think sometimes it can be about what I can take out rather than what I need to include, that is helpful.  For example do I really need to clean the bathroom or cook dinner tonight? ... View more

Hi @taokat just thinking about what I do for myself and really I never think about it.  I like routine and try to stick to things but never really give what I need a thought.  Not sure how to tackle it.  Any suggestions. ... View more

Hi @taokat, I'm here. ... View more

Hi @RJ54321, I just wanted to let you know that my son too was struggling with school and in the end he couldn't continue.  My husband and I felt it best that he not go and I had a few months off work.  I just hung out at home with with him not doing much or speaking much to each other either.  We tried psychologist and psychiatrist etc.. but he wouldn't engage.  On reflection I think was relieved to be allowed to just stay at home and I would only be guessing about what, possibly pressure at school who knows because he still doesn't talk about it.  I understand that you will be focusing on this 24/7 and can't stress enough how important it is for you to well rested.  Please keep us posted on what's happening and if there are any other questions or advice you need please reach out. ... View more

Hi @RJ54321, welcome to the forums.  I can sympathize with you at this moment I also have a son who tried to self harm when he was 16.  Psychological help is really important and you are clearly doing everything you can for your son right now.  I too struggled with how to explain the circumstances to friends and family.  However the most important thing at the time was to make sure my son was safe and effort spent defending the situation  became exhausting.  I had to avoid situations where I was uncomfortable and where I knew my son would be uncomfortable.  I admit it was a life changing experience and I have lost some connections with close friends and even family members.  However, three years on am happy that my son is healthy and feels loved.  Is your son still attending school? ... View more

Hi @Joeys_Mum, I too have a 19 year old son struggling mentally and he will not seek help.  Presently I cook for him and clean his room.  That's about it.  He does his own washing, he has no friends and spends all his time in his room.  We are planning a Christmas holiday and he has showed an interest in coming along and the family are hopeful this will happen.  I feel lost and not sure were this is headed but have developed much patience.  This is a tricky age because they are adults and parents have lost control.  I see myself as a carer for now and am grateful that I can still support him. ... View more

Hi @LovingThruBlue, thanks for sharing, I am thinking of you and hoping things get better.  You seem to be on track with regard to getting the help your daughter needs.  You are doing the best you can.  Please keep us posted. ... View more

Hi @Barbara82, welcome to the parent forum.  You are going through a lot at the moment and you are coping.  Reaching out and getting help for you is really important.  I have been through a similar situation in my house and although difficult I did keep reminding my child of expectations around behaviour.  You are not alone and I hope I can offer reassurance that you are doing all you can and the best you can at this awkward time.  ... View more

Hi @taokat sorry to hear this news.  At the moment my son keeps thinking my husband and I walking in his room and standing by his bed.  This is new and he hasn't suffered psychosis for three years.  Knowing how to answer when he questions why we were in his room is difficult because it is so real to him.  Of course, like you, I phoned a professional and researched lucid dreaming etc... For me I just have to keep a close eye on him and watch for increased suspicious behaviour.   My son will not seek help or take medication at present.  I do know that language is important in these circumstances and I hope you get some practical advice that you can share with us. ... View more

Hi @Oxford-1999 your story sounds very familiar.  My son also experienced a psychotic episode at 15.  He is now 19.  I have done much research and difficulties usually arise when the individual doesn't engage in treatment.  My son never engaged and we tried everything.  Patients is the key here and I understand the enormous pressure the situation will be having on you and your family.  I admit we had outpatient treatment at CAMHS and the school was really helpful by altering his schedules however, in the end he couldn't cope and recovery for him meant just being at home.  If there are any other questions I can help with bring it on I am willing to share my story and road to recovery with you. ... View more

Hi @lizard0812 welcome back.  I have been reading your posts and understand how tricky this situation is.  When my sons were 12 and wanted a day out with friends I use ring at least two of the friends parents to make sure we were all on the same page.  It was helpful and reassuring for me and of course my son hated that I insisted on this rule.  However the choice was always give me your friends phone numbers so I can speak to their parents or you don't go.  This method always worked for me.  As they got older and entered early teenage years I developed more trust.  There really is no answer for this dilemma but go with you gut instincts you know your child better than anyone else. ... View more

Hi @Ngaio-RO, this sounds like a great idea.  Hopefully I will be available.  I am attending some lectures on mental health next week and have read some fascinating articles on "authority" figures in children's lives so hopefully I'll have some future topics to discuss. ... View more

Hi @LovingThruBlue, I'm sorry to hear this news.  Please let us know how you get on with the doctor.  Thinking of you.  ... View more

Hi @Jurluk, welcome to the forum.  Your situation sounds tricky and @Ngaio-RO has some great suggestions.  I am a mother of three boys and have no experience with raising teenage girls.  However I do know what it is like when you can't sleep night after night and your every thought is about your child and will they be OK.  This is mentally and physically draining and your health is important too.  Just remember to take time out for you so that the situation does not become so overwhelming that you can't enjoy yourself.  Please let us know what happens if you discuss this matter further with your daughter and how you continue to cope. ... View more

Hi @thistooshalpass this situation must be so frustrating I know exactly how you are feeling.  My youngest son sounds very similar.  He was actually quite bright especially at maths and science but something happened when he turned 14 and he stopped being so competitive and started not going to school classes (he would hang out behind the school toilets), became disruptive when in class and the endless phone calls from teachers and meetings I had was embarrassing.  This went on for the next two years.  When he was 16 we helped him obtain an apprenticeship and he left school. Things changed dramatically.  He matured over night and has remained focused.  However I would like to mention that for us punishment never really worked ie not giving money or grounding him.  He did what he was told but his attitude towards school didn't change.  We tried to only praise good things he did, I offered to buy him a new skate board if he attended every class for a month, the things we tried were endless.  There is hope and your son will be OK because he has a caring parent. ... View more

Hi @natasha1987, I'm sorry you are going through this traumatic experience.  I had similar issues with one of my boys and I remember having to physically drive him everyday to school and when I could I would pick him up. Also he used to sneak out at night and my husband I drove around the streets and knocked on friends doors to see if he was there.  It was a terrible time.  He was 15.  I had to keep a very close eye on him and tried to keep him as close to me at possible.  I knew who he was hanging out with and when I tried to talk to their parents or get them on side, they were very dismissive.  In the end I decided my son was my responsibility and the only one I need to worry about.  He is now 18 and still has difficult with authority but the novelty of defiant and sneaky behaviour has worn out. ... View more

Hi @Beingme2017, I think the younger the child the more open they can be and I did find it harder to get information from my children after about 14 years of age.  And after endless discussions with my friends who have teenage girls it seems girls are generally more open.  Although that is is my circle of friends I don't know that actual stats on that. ... View more

Hi @Goleby, this is very tricky because he is nearly an adult and this results in less control over how he spends his time.  Have you thought about talking to him about leaving school and getting a job?  This worked for one of my sons.  In the end I didn't care what job he obtained however, we managed to get him an apprenticeship and this provided a different focus and opened up a whole new world for him.  Please let us know what strategies if any you have tried. ... View more