Sleepovers

[Bradders]

My 13 year old has recently come out as gay and told us that her best friend at school is actually her girlfriend. She has now asked to have her round for a sleepover. If she was straight and asking to have her boyfriend stay over I would say no. Should I apply the same logic for a girlfriend? I feel like if I do I'm stopping her from doing what all teenage girls do and have a girly sleepover. I'm completely new to the gay world so I hope nothing I have said is in any way offensive. I have absolutely no problem with my daughter being gay and just want to make sure she is safe and happy. Thanks in advance for your help.

[Parent001]

Hello Bradders, 

I had a similar situation on my hands when my son came out as bisexual a few years ago. I found myself thinking what types of rules I'd need to keep him safe, but not limit his self expression or ability to date. I wouldn't say that I "found a perfect solution," but here is what I did, and for the most part, it seemed to work.

With sleepovers, we had two rules: 1) I needed to meet the person before a sleepover was planned  (have them over for dinner), 2) I needed to meet the person's parents before a sleepover was planned (at least speak with them over the phone),

In addition, my son and I had a lot of heart to heart talks (about sex, love, and relationships). I felt that if I trusted my son, knew his friend/significant other, and was acquainted with their parents, then having a sleepover was as safe as it was ever going to be. 

Truthfully, teens will find a way to do what they want, no matter what you do. I know I did ; ) So, instead of trying to control him, I decided to guide him to do what he wanted in the safest way possible. 

I hope this helps.

Bryn. 

[Bradders]

Thanks Bryn,

That makes sense, I guess it's all about communication.

Bradders