teenager into expensive items

[jphole]

My 14 year old boys is into designer shoes and clothes, he pick pocket his dad's wallet to buy some second hand shoes and clothes from friends at his school, it worries us so much, who can help us with these like this?

[taokat · Accepted solution]

Hey @jphole, I can understand your concerns and the fact that you are so worried shows what loving and conscientious parents you are. It's really positive that your lines of communication are open with your son and you've been proactive in setting consequences for him. 

Is your son aware of what's driving his want for designer brands? Is it a peer pressure thing, or something he wants for himself? I like @Ngaio-RO's idea about him possibly getting a job to pay for things he wants. Our kids need to learn that if they want certain things they need to work and save for them. It's really a lesson for life isn't it? 

I think the coaching would be really helpful for you as well. Do you think it might be something to try?

[Ngaio-RO]

Hi @jphole

Thank you so much for posting. I've just moved your post into a thread of it's own so people will see and respond.

I will answer in a moment!! 

[Ngaio-RO]

Hey @jphole I can imagine how concerning it would be, watching your son be driven by compulsion like that over clothing etc.

Although this doesn't address the earlier issue of stealing, in terms of a future solution, could he get a job to fund his own fashion exploits??

[Ngaio-RO]

That's really tricky @jphole Identity, fitting in and feeling part of something is massive when we're adolescents.

Do you have a sense of who his peers are and what they're into?

[jphole]

I know they went to same high school, but his friend is a year ahead of him. he is clear that if it happens a second time I will report to school about him and his friend

[Ngaio-RO]

That's a good approach @jphole he needs to understand the consequences of his choices.

How do you feel your communication skills are with him? Do you feel comfortable / confident discussing this issue?

[jphole]

we're in good communication, i just feel he was blind to buy into that he is not in a position to tell if things he is buying could be fake too

[Ngaio-RO]

The reason I ask @jphole is that the coaching service we're discussing tonight could be ideal for this situation.

It's a great way to build up skills to address specific issues. Like the one happening for you guys.

That, and you can develop strategies to implement and uphold consequences etc.

[taokat · Accepted solution]

Hey @jphole, I can understand your concerns and the fact that you are so worried shows what loving and conscientious parents you are. It's really positive that your lines of communication are open with your son and you've been proactive in setting consequences for him. 

Is your son aware of what's driving his want for designer brands? Is it a peer pressure thing, or something he wants for himself? I like @Ngaio-RO's idea about him possibly getting a job to pay for things he wants. Our kids need to learn that if they want certain things they need to work and save for them. It's really a lesson for life isn't it? 

I think the coaching would be really helpful for you as well. Do you think it might be something to try?

[jphole]

definitely thanks @taoket for being here in the forum tonight