23 year old son who won’t launch into life

[Gwinny]

Our 23 year old son will not study, get a job or claim any kind of benefits. We are on low wages and struggling financially but he says that’s our problem. He lives with us and doesn’t contribute anything monetarily . He occasionally will do house chores but usually under sufferance. We are at a loss as to what to do short of asking him to leaves hi hi we can’t do. We bought a used car for him two years ago thinking it would help him find work or a social life at least. He suffers from anxiety and is currently consulting a psychologist, again under sufferance and says it barely helps him. Our thought was that if he cannot work due to the anxiety, he would be entitled to a disability payment. He also refuses to claim this and of course his psychologist cannot engage with us about this issue because of confidentiality. I cannot believe our son can think it’s ok to live like this. His two older brothers are both gainfully employed and live away from us.

[Courtney-RO]

Hi @Gwinny and welcome to our online community!

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through so much with your son at the moment, it sounds like such a hard situation to be in. I can hear just how much you care about him and how worried you are. I was just wondering if you have been able to sit down with your son and had a talk with him about what might be going on? Do you think there could be something going on that he is afraid to talk about?

That's really good to hear that he has the support of a Psychologist, though it is upsetting that he feels it is barely helping. Were you able to find out what it is about these sessions that he finds unhelpful? I also wonder if maybe he might be interested in joining our youth forum as it might help him feel less alone and give him the opportunity to talk to others in a similar situation. I also found a helpful article on the Raising Children Network on Independence which may be able to give you a couple of ideas on where to go next.

With everything that's going on, I also want to remind you that you're important too! So what kind of supports have you got around you at the moment? What kind of nice things do you do for yourself at the end of a hard week?

We're all here for you.