Biological father wanting unsupervised visits after 6 months of regular supervised meets?

[Parentmind]

My 2.5 year old sons biological father has only been recently seeing him supervised with his partner and other son (younger than the son we share together) We have been meeting regularly for 6 months now and in all honesty my son is comfortable. We started meeting at local places, did playgrounds, a play cafe, a concert, a picnic, then each other’s houses and it’s all been going well.
But how as a mother who birthed your child alone and have dealt with lots of negativity from the father prior to this massive change and only recently meeting him?
The kid’s are unaware they are brothers and my son is aware he has a biological father. They see it as play dates being way too young to understand (1.5 years old and 2.5 years old) I have a partner and another child and my son sees my partner as his dad. So I have no idea how to go about any of it. I never expected biological father to want anything to do with him as he made it clear he didn’t for the first 2 years.

Any advice would be great. We don’t want to go a legal route either as we do get along and can all communicate well and have busy work schedules so it works to just sort it out between us.

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @Parentmind, thank you for sharing. It is great to hear that your son is feeling comfortable and that the regular meetings are going well. Please correct me if I am wrong but it seems like you did not have much contact with his father and so this is quite sudden for you and that your relationship prior to that was filled with negativity, is that right? If so, I imagine that this must be challenging, new and unusual for you!

You mentioned being unsure how to go about the situation. It really is a personal choice with a lot to consider. What are you feeling concerned about in this situation? Do you think you will feel comfortable with unsupervised visits in the future? Would you like more supervised visits before moving on to unsupervised visits?

[Parentmind]

Thank you for responding.
Yes so things between the father and I weren’t good we split up when I was about 28 weeks pregnant. He didn’t attend the birth, didn’t meet him until December 2020. We went through court as he requested paternity testing (despite knowing he was his) promised after that he would step up and be there but chose not too and instead had another child who is now my sons half brother. They are both born in October a year apart and the brother is the main reason I have been so willing to giving the biological father a chance as the kids deserve to know one another in my opinion.

Fast forward to December, through his partner we started talking about everything, he explained his reasons for not being able to be there, apologies ect. Biological father asked to meet child and have supervised visits in public places with his other son. So it has all been very fast that it’s all come on like this but I can’t say in a bad way.

I guess I’m wanting advice on what I should consider moving forward as things progress. Biological father is patiently waiting for the day I say I think it’s appropriate to discuss to our son the truth. What’s making it extremely hard though is my own partner (the one who’s been there since my son was 4 weeks old and who he calls dad) does not support me with this at all. He’s protective over his step son but also is not willing at all to ask how it’s going. I fear him not being supportive will only negatively effect the impact the conversation 10x worse when I am ready to tell my son about his biological father.

I guess I’m just a mother being protective looking for answers why I shouldn’t try an unsupervised hour on the weekend when in all honesty they haven’t given me any reasons to think they couldn’t handle it.

Sorry most of that doesn’t make sense I’m mainly looking for support and reassurance I’m not doing an awful thing by allowing my sons biological father one chance to be in his life.

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Parentmind 

Thanks for getting back to us, really good to hear from you and get some more information around where things are at for your family.

I really want to reassure you that you absolutely are not doing an awful thing by allowing your biological sons father to be in his life. It is completely understandable why you would want them to be in each others lives, and I think it's really beautiful how much you value your sons relationship with his half-brother - it is clear you are putting their needs above others and your love for these kids comes through so strongly in how you've spoken about what is happening 

It must be very tough not being able to have open conversations with your partner about how you're feeling regarding your son being in his biological fathers life. It makes sense why he would be protective, but it is also fair that you want your son to know his biological dad and half-brother, have you been able to frame the conversation in this way?

You said you are looking for answers around why you shouldn't allow unsupervised time, how are you feeling about the prospect of this? It sounds like you are becoming more comfortable with this idea but your partner is not, is that right?

This is a really tricky situation @Parentmind, and we're here to support you. I feel like you are really doing your best to be mindful of the feelings of everyone involved in this  I hope you are able to take some time to do something nice for yourself