Co parenting

[Bobbypin16]

I’m sick of being made to feel like I have no rights as a mother or no say in anything regarding my 6yr old. I have her 79% of the time currently. Within the last 12 months my ex has requested changes to care arrangements 6 times. This has ranged from adding days, cutting days, week on week off, cutting that completely and so on. He has been speaking to our 6yr old about possibly changing again without even discussing it with me at all. She stated she didn’t want to change again when he asked her if she wanted to and was then told “that’s not how it works”. He won’t communicate with me, all communication is left between me and his partner and we had a falling out yesterday because I’ve had enough of her passive aggressive judgment on my parenting. I’m made to feel I can’t do anything right. They’ve also began putting me down in front of our child saying things like how boring I am, how much more fun their house is, how I’m not smart etc.. Our daughter is in the midst of being assessed for any underlying issues causing her behavioural and anxiety problems. Her overall mental health has declined dramatically since the last change in care. It’s been noted by teachers, OT and other professionals as well that she’s not coping with constant change to her routine. Do I have a right to reject any more requests for care arrangement changes? Especially if it’s not in the child’s best interest? We don’t have any legal plans in place but I feel he will threaten court if he doesn’t get his own way. Whenever I slightly disagree with them I get silent treatment, passive aggression and generally made to feel like crap. I hate conflict but I’m also sick of being treated this way. I guess I just needed a vent. I can’t keep doing everything to please them when it doesn’t work for our child and she is visibly struggling.

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @Bobbypin16, I am really sorry to hear about the position you are in. It would be really frustrating to have plans constantly changed, especially when it is disruptive to your daughter's schedule. I can hear that these changes are having a detrimental impact on your daughter's mental health - it is upsetting to know that she is struggling. It also sounds as though these changes and the ongoing communication with your ex and his partner is negatively impacting you too. You don't deserve to be treated poorly, especially in front of your daughter. 

Unfortunately, we can't provide specific advice on these matters (RE: rejecting changes to care arrangements), so it may be beneficial for you to seek legal advice. If you are looking for support, you can contact ParentLine. They are a free and confidential counselling service but they may also have relevant referrals for you, depending on where you live. Have you shared the information from teachers, the OT and other professionals with your ex? You also mentioned that there are no legal plans in place but I am wondering if legal plans would alleviate the constant changes and negative impact that this relationship is having on you and your daughter?

Please feel welcome to keep us updated