I can't tolerate my stepson being around me

[Mommieof3__]

I have a stepson who is 11 years old. He is 11 & that is a young age, but the way his mother & father raise him he acts as if he is 18 years old. He cusses, he talks vulgar talk around myself & my daughter. When he says vulgar things my husband acts as if I'm in the wrong for telling him to not speak like that, my stepson has absolutely no discipline in his life. He practically raises himself for 2 weeks while he is at his mother's. So that puts stress on me when I see him every other weekend, because he has no idea how to act around anyone, in result of sitting at his mother's house every day alone with no parental guidance. He also lies about things and when myself & my mother in law try to tell his father the things he has done he doesn't believe us. He only believes his son. His son has been caught showing his private part to my 3 year old daughter & he also slapped her in the face. Myself and my mother in law told my husband & rather than disciplining his son & believing us. He asked his son "did he do that?" & of course his son lied to save his own butt.. the weekends he comes to our house it is almost impossible to enjoy myself, because I am the only one keeping an eye on the things he does.

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Mommieof3__ 

This sounds like a pretty stressful position you are in, and you're certainly not alone  Conflict in blended families with differing parenting styles can be tough to navigate, thank you for sharing so openly about what you're going through. 

It must be really hard feeling like your husband isn't on the same page as you with responding to when your step son engages in these behaviours. This content is from an organisation we partner with, the Raising Childrens Network and it is all about setting boundaries and rules in blended families, it might have a couple of good tips in it to check out.

It sounds like you and your mother in law have been able to have an open dialogue about what you see as appropriate behaviour, is that right? Has she been able to support you with these issues? 

I'm also wondering what happens when your husband decides to believe your son over you and your mother in law? How do these conversations resolve?