Need help now?

My partner's ex is a Covert Narcissist and its ruining our relationship....

My partner's ex is a Covert Narcissist and its ruining our relationship....

Reply
Casual scribe
elikat51

My partner's ex is a Covert Narcissist and its ruining our relationship....

Hello all:  I just joined this forum out of complete frustration and not knowing what to do.  My boyfriend of 2 years is divorced from a Covert Narcissist, with whom he shares two children (17) and (14).  She has essentially weaponized his youngest against him - he has had two false allegations of child abuse leveraged against him (both deemed unfounded after investigation) and his relationship with his youngest continues to deteriorate for no apparent reason.  He is a kind, loving father - but the narrative the ex has pushed is that he is abusive (married for 20 years and never filed a complain until the divorce was underway), he abandoned them, he is a liar, he is a deadbeat father (he takes care of his children and tries to see them which she prevents), the list goes on and on.  I mean you'd think, by her account, he is just the worst human on the planet.  She has not complied with court-ordered therapy or visitation schedule for the youngest, calls and texts the children repeatedly during his rare visits, picks the youngest up when she has a tantrum (he cannot say anything critical of her, cannot parent her or she has a meltdown).  Any attempt at reasonable communication with the ex (and now the daughter) always devolves into a rash of blaming, finger-pointing, ambiguous accusations and threats, criticisms, sanctimonious/hollow assertions for caring about the "best interest of the children," just plain crazy stuff.  It just seems like it will never end, and at this point I'm beginning to question if this is the life I want.  Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Community Manager
Philippa-RO

Re: My partner's ex is a Covert Narcissist and its ruining our relationship....

Message contains a hyperlink

Hi @elikat51 - welcome to the forums!

We're really glad you reached out here for support.

It sounds like you and your partner are going through a really stressful time - managing communication and relationships in blended families can be so complicated.

We have articles on our website about handling conflict with your ex-partner and staying connected with your kids after separation that might be helpful if you'd like to take a look.

 

Is there any possibility that your partner might be able to involve a third party or mediator to handle the communication and arrangements about the children with his ex-partner?

Alternatively, could he nurture his relationship with the children via text message, chat or email if they're open to it? I find even just a quick 'hi' or check in about their day seems to go well with my teenagers as long as any messages are short and not too often.

 

This situation seems like it's causing you a lot of stress too - do you have support for yourself or people you can talk to?

Active scribe
StayingStrong

Re: My partner's ex is a Covert Narcissist and its ruining our relationship....

Oh my, I feel like we are living the same life. 3yrs with my partner he has a 12yo who is just a wonderful daughter 50% shared custody. In short the mothers words via text "i don't give a **** about what the court orders say or what the judge said". We have a close knit family and have a blast when she is with us, we are all so loving, caring, supportive. But the other side all we cop is abusive text on and on and on. Trying mediation again to sort out high school, but think we need to go back to court to update orders to get police intervention when she withholds the child for no reason and the abuse side. It's just emotionally draining being abused by someone that hasn't even met you..... and your step daughter saying mum really hates you and I keep asking her why cause your so nice and caring..... mother is a complete naccarcist and in each text it's the smoke and mirrors, blames us for ruining the childs life, where it is all her...... women like that shouldn't be allowed to be a parent. My partner and I just have to ignore the abuse and not respond, even though everything she writes in there is a load of rubbish!! I'll stick by my partner through this because if theres any justice, we should hopefully get more custody of the child if and when we need to go back to court!
Community Manager
Iona_RO

Re: My partner's ex is a Covert Narcissist and its ruining our relationship....

Message contains a hyperlink

Thanks for sharing @StayingStrong - we've replied to your other comment hereSmiley Happy

Moderator Hours

This forum is moderated from

09:00AM to 11:00PM

We are not a counselling or crisis service and we can't guarantee you'll get a reply, so if you need to talk now

Click here for help

The current time is Wed, 1:18 AM
(Australian Eastern time)