Step Parent and partners ex not paying full child support

[Adelaide123]

Hi

I have been with my partner for two years. She had two children from her previous marriage. They are with us 90% of the time.

Her ex keeps crying poor and that he cannot afford the full child support payment as allocated by child support. I am feeling really annoyed as my partner agreed to take lesser payment. She did raise concerns of when the kids go to his that he could become volatile if he has no money. He told my partner that he would be left with $50 a week if paid allocated amount. BTW the allocated amount is based on his own estimate. Which it $30000 less than previous tax summaries. He also didn't submit last years summary. Now as the bigger wage earner I feel that his lack of commitment in time and money impacts my partner and I. Also adds pressure on me to pick up his lack of responsibility. I also work from home so I get them ready for school each day, pick them up, get them to afternoon activities. This is all just expected. I feel like my kindness is being taken advantaged of in some ways.

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Adelaide123 

This sounds like a really tough situation and that you're in a pretty tight spot about what to do. Thanks for posting about what is going on for you, its great you're looking to get some support around this.

I'm wondering how the conversations are between you and your partner when you talk about these things? It must be really hard as a step parent feeling that your being taken advantage of, have you discussed this with her before?

It can also be really important to ensure that you're able to take some time to look after yourself when you've got all of this going on. Is there anything you enjoy doing that allows you to take your mind off things? Or something you and your partner enjoy doing together?

[Bassil]

Hi.

You are been taken advantage of - as am I. I think my partner wants the kids to be proud of their dad and doesn't want them to know he doesn't really care about them (which I don't believe he does) so she lets him away with not paying. This has caused a lot of problems for us during our 6 years (or thereabouts) together. He involves the kids in all his problems and bad relationships so I guess my partner is in a bad spot herself, as if she complains to him he'd probably involve them by trying to manipulate the situation in some way. I try not to let it bother me but have a grown child of my own, who it would be nice to help out more financially, but it takes all my income to keep our household going (and my partners). My partners ex is soon to have his 7th child (7 kids to 4 different women).

I'm not sure who is more stupid - me, my partner or his other partners.

I love my partner and we have a great life together, which is why I'm still around but it can be a struggle sometimes to be bothered with it all....

[Hannah-RO]

Hi @Bassil 

This would be a really hard situation and a really tricky spot that you're in with everything that is going on in the family. It's understandable your partner wants her kids to be proud of their dad and have a relationship with him but I can understand why this is tough for you when he isn't providing financially. Have you been able to chat to your partner about wanting to help out your adult child more with the money side of things? 

I'm glad to hear you and your partner have a great life together, but totally get that things can be a real struggle sometimes. Are there things you two do together that you really enjoy? It can be important to prioritise doing things that bring us a lot of joy and comfort, particularly when there are external factors that bring us stress. Is there something that works for you two to combat this?