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My partner's ex is a Covert Narcissist and its ruining our relationship....

My partner's ex is a Covert Narcissist and its ruining our relationship....

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elikat51

My partner's ex is a Covert Narcissist and its ruining our relationship....

Hello all:  I just joined this forum out of complete frustration and not knowing what to do.  My boyfriend of 2 years is divorced from a Covert Narcissist, with whom he shares two children (17) and (14).  She has essentially weaponized his youngest against him - he has had two false allegations of child abuse leveraged against him (both deemed unfounded after investigation) and his relationship with his youngest continues to deteriorate for no apparent reason.  He is a kind, loving father - but the narrative the ex has pushed is that he is abusive (married for 20 years and never filed a complain until the divorce was underway), he abandoned them, he is a liar, he is a deadbeat father (he takes care of his children and tries to see them which she prevents), the list goes on and on.  I mean you'd think, by her account, he is just the worst human on the planet.  She has not complied with court-ordered therapy or visitation schedule for the youngest, calls and texts the children repeatedly during his rare visits, picks the youngest up when she has a tantrum (he cannot say anything critical of her, cannot parent her or she has a meltdown).  Any attempt at reasonable communication with the ex (and now the daughter) always devolves into a rash of blaming, finger-pointing, ambiguous accusations and threats, criticisms, sanctimonious/hollow assertions for caring about the "best interest of the children," just plain crazy stuff.  It just seems like it will never end, and at this point I'm beginning to question if this is the life I want.  Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Community Manager
Philippa-RO

Re: My partner's ex is a Covert Narcissist and its ruining our relationship....

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Hi @elikat51 - welcome to the forums!

We're really glad you reached out here for support.

It sounds like you and your partner are going through a really stressful time - managing communication and relationships in blended families can be so complicated.

We have articles on our website about handling conflict with your ex-partner and staying connected with your kids after separation that might be helpful if you'd like to take a look.

 

Is there any possibility that your partner might be able to involve a third party or mediator to handle the communication and arrangements about the children with his ex-partner?

Alternatively, could he nurture his relationship with the children via text message, chat or email if they're open to it? I find even just a quick 'hi' or check in about their day seems to go well with my teenagers as long as any messages are short and not too often.

 

This situation seems like it's causing you a lot of stress too - do you have support for yourself or people you can talk to?

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