Thanks for your reply. I have thought about some counselling for myself. Taking the first step seems to be the hardest part. I’m not sure that I understand my daughter’s thought processes at the moment though I wish I did. After the challenges of the past few months in particular, this past week she seems to be calmer than she has been - perhaps because she is currently not on any medication at the moment - the medication may have been causing some of the proper were seeing. My daughter is very protective of me and this week, both her father and my partner have both had a turn yelling at me over the phone about something. Neither was able to stop and listen to another view point. I don’t think I deserved either phone call. Unfortunately my daughter took matters into her own hands today and blasted my partner who now says he won’t be visiting at my house any more. My daughter has moved to her friends place for some breathing space (hopefully only a few days). I am in the middle wondering how things went so wrong and how we will ever find an amicable way through this. My daughter has messaged tonight to apologise for messing up my relationship - which has been struggling lately anyway. I don’t know what will happen from here. I am having trouble following teenage thought and behaviour patterns and my partner really doesn’t understand at all and just doesn’t want to be yelled at aggressively any more, which I don’t blame him - today was really bad. Unfortunately the stress of the past few months has got to me and now my lower back is in pain and it gets worse the more stress I try to manage. I am having regular treatments to help ease the discomfort. My gp told me to complete an online course for anxiety and depression 😳 but combined with current work and study commitment’s that’s the last thing I feel like doing. How do I find a way through this mess? ... View more

Thanks for your reply. To be absolutely honest - all of this is taking a big toll on me. My anxiety is really bad and I can’t seem to get it under control. I have times when my daughter will talk to me and I’ve explained that I am trying to be more understanding and accepting of the fact she is making decisions as an almost adult and that I need to respect them even if they are not what I would chose for her. She said she didn’t know what to do with that and it confused her. I feel like I am grieving for my baby girl and at the same time I am anxious and worried for her safety and mental well-being. I realise I have to start letting go to protect myself but that is easier said than done. Nothing feels nice anymore. Everything is such an effort. She even brought home another puppy that I get stuck cleaning up after all the time. It seems that when I am home at night is when she wants to be out at the gym or at a friends place. She doesn’t even eat dinner with me any more. It all hurts and the person from the mental health team basically just told me I have to learn to let go. I don’t matter to anyone any more ... View more

Hi pinkbeats48. Welcome. ... View more

Thank you so much for listening and taking time to reply. It really helps me to feel less alone. Today is the first day all week that I haven’t spontaneously cried. I may tonight when I give my daughter a hug as she has been out all day - work and then fishing (one of her self care strategies). Not having her right by my side is tough but I’m trying to balance things and keep communication open between us. So far, she has been really understanding and has been checking in pretty regularly. This helps. I found it really difficult to relax into the painting workshop but may revisit the techniques another time. I feel really flat and empty today. It’s a strange calmness at times. I had a little nap at midday which helped my back a little too. I haven’t had a chance to visit the links yet but will try to tomorrow. I seem to have lots of people and things making demands on me and it’s so hard to focus my mind. ... View more

Yes. I do seem to worry a lot. The stress of the past year has manifested in my lower back. Today I had a myotherapy/massage session to help to relieve some of the discomfort. I have been trying to work on breathing through my angst. I have also been lucky to be able to hug my daughter a few times today and have a little cry. I still don’t know how to manage her anger or rude outbursts that happen at times. These are usually directed at others including my partner. Sometimes I can talk to her about it after the event. Other times I don’t feel that talking will change anything. I have signed up for an online intuitive painting workshop one day this weekend. I am looking forward to pushing myself to participate. It would be easier to hide in chores or work commitments but I am trying to give myself space too. ... View more

Hey, Sadly she did see her friend but thankfully she came to see me beforehand and was home at our negotiated time. She is finding today harder and is a bit lost. I had to work so it’s been hard to monitor but she did come and see me and brought me flowers which was lovely. Afternoons are the hardest. She often wants to see friends and I worry so much. She is back at work tomorrow so at least there will be some structure to her day. ... View more

The mental health team are going to maintain contact with my daughter now that she is safe she is back home and wanting to slowly get back to normal. They have talked to her about accessing local health services. I’m not pushing anything today. We are both very tired. My mum is checking in on me and has experience with mental health so knows what to look for. Apart from spontaneous tears and feeling very tired I think I’m doing better today. It is hard to let my daughter go though. She has driven to her friends house this afternoon which is only a short distance away. I know they will be supportive of her. The toxic friend is already in contact and insisting that she sees my daughter either at her work or late tonight. I’m not happy but I don’t know that I can do too much. ... View more

Thanks. I will have a read through the links. Unfortunately my daughter has had to be admitted to the children/adolescent mental health ward 😢 I feel like such a failure. ... View more

I talked to my daughter about the friend that concerns me. At the time she told me that she knows this friend isn’t good for her in lots of ways and that she needs to back away from this friend. Today she came home with the friend and I honestly couldn’t bring myself to look at the friend or talk to her. I was confused about why she was there and also annoyed as I didn’t want her in my space. Later this evening they came back from being at the beach for the day. The friend was moving around our home very comfortably. I was still taken back and annoyed but this time I was also emotional due to my own stuff. I responded when I had to but kept it brief. The friend then complained to my daughter about not feeling welcome because I wouldn’t look at her or talk to her. Now my daughter is annoyed with me. I tried to explain some of my reasoning but I’m scared to say too much because I don’t want another argument. I am so afraid of losing my daughter. She knows this also. I just wish the friend would go away ... View more

Hi, I am trying to shift to a more positive balance. Unfortunately, stress seems to very quickly result in pain and inflammation in my lower back. I was barely able to move around in January and my back is starting to falter again the past few days. I had my daughter revisit the GP for a medication review. She also has a new contact number for a psychologist- just need to get her to call now. I have made myself an appointment for a couple of week’s time. ... View more

I have thought about counselling. My budget is already really tight and I’m putting everything into my daughter. She is quite protective of me and worries about me too. The past two nights she has been insistent on making sure I eat dinner. She tried to keep herself busy today doing things around the house, which often doesn’t happen. It’s a positive sign but I’ve seen it before and I still worry that she will just burst again. I am so worried that I don’t want my partner to come over because I worry that they will clash again and we will go back to square one. My anxiety is pretty high, my mind is foggy and I’m am soooo tired ... View more

Hi, I have trouble getting much out of our conversations. I don’t even think she tells me the whole story most of the time and sometimes I think she just tells me what she thinks I want to hear just so I’ll stop asking. I’m not doing great. Lots of pressure from every direction. Nothing seems to be going well and I’m constantly trying not to cry or look too upset by what’s happening around me. The individual sessions that were mentioned look to be during the hours I am at work so I will have to look for an alternative. In the meantime I might have to try journaling or apply my own art therapy strategies. My eldest daughter, who hasn’t lived at home for 4 years (moved out to go to uni) told me this afternoon that she is still struggling with her mental health too. I also can’t do anything to help her but at least she is seeing a psychologist so I know she has some help. She is clever and her studies provided her with plenty of knowledge to try herself too. Apparently my youngest asked her sister if she wanted to help slash my partner’s tyres today - which of course received a firm No. Last night my youngest told me she still lives him and he is her best mate even though they argued. It’s getting harder and harder to see the positives. I don’t know what to believe any more ... View more

Hi Portia_RO, Thank you for your message. My daughter has seen the GP before and has been given medication that we have already had to change once. She has a mental health plan but wasn’t wanting to talk to anyone other than the school counsellor. She finishes school at the end of last year and so now I’ve had to gently insist that she needs to talk to someone else. My parents are trying to help but I feel that I can’t really let go of my feelings completely. I’ve been ‘swallowing’ a lot of it. My partner just rants at me and isn’t really being supportive at all. He doesn’t even want to be near her at the moment - I partially understand but it’s making things hard for me. Tonight my daughter and I clashed about finding ways to start working on her anger and the way she speaks and keeps deflecting attempts to make helpful suggestions. I ended up just letting so and crying so hard telling her that I’m scared and worried and I want to help but don’t really know the answers. I told her how much she means to me and that her anger is hurting everyone and may cost me my relationship too, which is what it is because she will always be my daughter. She listened and then started to support me. I felt embarrassed and disappointed that I couldn’t keep myself together. I apologised too. I think seeing my raw emotions spoke to her differently and hopefully this will end up being a positive step. I guess time will tell. I’ll have a look into the program. Right now I feel so overwhelmed with pretty much every aspect of my life. I also feel a little isolated too. Thank you. ... View more

Thank you for reaching out. It is scary. I never quite know which mood I’m going to be dealing with and I don’t want to lose her. I don’t like her current couple of friends. One family has a complex background of domestic violence (and have left the situation) and they swear lots, skip school etc. I don’t see them as being a good influence including that the mother openly criticises me and undermines me to my daughter. The other friend is in their early 20s and lost their way in drugs and alcohol a few years ago. Although they claim to be back on track I think there is a negative undertone to their views on things. She was at this friends house last night before they had an argument and the other friends mother picked my daughter up so she could stay there the night without anyone notifying me. I think there is some emotional stuff going on around her father - confusion and him working through the failings of our marriage with her repeatedly. I think there is also jealousy about how much he does with and for his current family. ... View more

Hi. I have stumbled on this website and hoping to find through this unpredictable and embarrassing mess. My 17yr old has some anger issues and is lashing out verbally at the whole family except her father who doesn’t live here and has had little to do with her until recent times. Today was the worst day yet with my daughter punching a photo frame and smashing glass into her hand while I was at work. I called to check in after a blow up yesterday and then having her stay at a friends place o’nite. She was in tears and said she had a meltdown bi called my mum who went over to sit with her and help as best she could. I don’t know what to do but have booked another Dr appointment to ask for more help. Her anger and lashing out is straining the whole family. Mostly it’s just the two of us at home. My partner doesn’t live with us and retreats to his place when things get tough - he finds it hard not to be angry in response. ... View more